Beauty Contest And The Beasts
by Sawnya
Summary: DONEWhen Nappa and Raditz are made judges of the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest,Zarbon,on a bet, picks an unusual contestant for Vegeta to enter. Vegeta wants his contestant to win, but Coola and King Cold want theirs to win as well. Will the judges survive?
1. FYI: Original Character Bios

BEAUTY CONTEST AND THE BEASTS  
  
A/N: This is another "Tayla of Astoria" story, and it takes place six months after "Tayla of Astoria" ends, and eighteen months before "Hope Never Dies" begins. Nappa has Eclipse, a half-Gemstarian, half-Calmagian female for his bonded mate, and Raditz has Princess Journa of the Saiyans, Vegeta's sister, for his. Vegeta does not have a mate at this time, although Diamonique, a female Top Elite Officer and his former lover, continues to pursue him.  
  
There a number of original characters of my own making in this story, minions of Frieza that had been in both TOA and HND, so here is a brief character guide of some of the original characters featured in this story for those of you who have not read any of my other stories:  
  
ECLIPSE: Half Gemstarian, half-Calmagian, she is five-feet, six-inches tall, with long turquoise hair, peachy skin tinged with blue, a perfect figure, and blue diamond nails and black diamond eyes. She was and still is the squad leader for the Ginyu Girls, a Ginyu Force fan club of sorts made up of beautiful, talented young women who not only cheer on and promote the Ginyu Force, but serve sometimes as voluntary courtesans for the Elite males in Frieza's army. Eclipse is the most popular non-soldier female in Frieza's forces, and she used to service both Frieza and Ginyu regularly, even though she could not mate with them because at that time neither man was mating-compatible with humanoid women (this will later change). She also saw other Elite males of her own choosing before settling down with Nappa and agreeing to be his bonded mate. Now she and Nappa are very happy at this time, although Nappa is still getting into several fights a week with other Elite males who do not appreciate Nappa making their favorite Ginyu Girl exclusively his…  
  
JOURNA: Two years older than her brother, Vegeta, she is the feminine version of him, at least in looks and features. She is taller than her brother, although shorter than Raditz, her mate, and Nappa, and she has short, slightly curly red hair, small breasts, and a muscular, almost manly build. Journa had become Raditz's mate at age sixteen, against Vegeta's wishes (Vegeta did not want Raditz for Journa's mate because he had once been counted as a low-level Saiyan like his father, Bardock). Later on though, he reluctantly accepted his sister and Raditz as a couple.  
  
Most of the time, Journa, a Mid-Elite officer like the other Saiyans, is as ruthless, devious and cunning as her brother, although she had started out as a girl with a much gentler nature. Her years under Frieza's rule changed that, but Journa still shows her now rare softer side every now and then, especially when it comes to her Raditz. She loves Raditz with all her heart, even though she has never said so publicly, and she is very possessive of him.  
Journa has great physical strength, and her most notable attack is her Four-Finger Flash.  
  
JADEN: Jaden is from the Rybanese race, a race now almost extinct, thanks to the Hycanese race who destroyed all life on her planet. She resembles a seven-feet-tall navy blue alligator with yellow eyes, a heavy, muscular build, and two, long, thick alligator tails that are very agile. Her father had sold her to Frieza when she was a little girl, and Jaden later shot herself into Frieza's Top Elite, the highest level in Frieza's army, when she killed her lecherous former trainer. (She was the first woman to ever make Frieza's Top Elite.) Jaden was also the trainer for both Vegeta and Journa before they became Mid-Elite officers.  
  
Jaden is often masculine in behavior, and she's devious, extremely clever, and merciless with a sharp tongue and wit. She does, however, possess a kinder side, which she rarely ever shows, except with her closest friend, Chestra. And occasionally this softer side of Jaden has guided her in some of her actions, such as secretly helping to free a few Meatian captives from Frieza and killing the abusive husband of a hostage. Most of the time, however, she keeps to herself, minds her own business, and intervenes in matters not concerning herself or her few close friends only when she is forced to deem it necessary. Jaden is not someone that you would want for an enemy, as both those inside and outside of Frieza's forces can attest to.  
  
Jaden has a range of abilities, including Glass Freeze, where she can turn anyone below a certain ki level into glass, shape-shifting, Sonic Scream (where she can shatter anyone's bones with her powerful scream), razor-sharp nails, and extremely stretchable limbs, as well as great physical strength.  
  
CHESTRA: Chestra is Jaden's best friend and Zarbon's lover. She is four-feet, seven-inches tall, with long, thick hair, one side ruby-red, and the other side emerald-green. She has a human-like body, but with white skin and a panther-like head and face with light green eyes.  
  
Chestra had been a slave for most of her life, and she had been condemned to a death match on planet Egimari when Frieza first discovered her. Frieza purchased her from the leaders of Egimari and gave her to Zarbon to train. Zarbon and Chestra fell for each other almost immediately, but because of Frieza's rule forbidding sexual and romantic contact between trainers and their recruits, they did not act on their feelings for a while. They had finally made love for the first time while on the run from Frieza after both Zarbon and Jaden rescued Chestra when Frieza had tried to rape her. Later, thanks to King Cold's secret about Chestra, all three came back to Frieza alive and intact.  
  
King Cold, who had wanted Chestra for himself, had revealed to Frieza that Chestra was Frieza's daughter. After that, Frieza allowed Chestra and Zarbon to be together because not even he is one to commit incest. Later on, Chestra was promoted to Top Elite.  
  
Chestra is the gentlest, kindest soldier out of Frieza's Top Elite, although she can be as ruthless and merciless as her peers. If she can avoid killing or hurting someone, she will, but when she can't…watch out. Chestra is highly adept in telekinesis, and she has other abilities, including a special attack called Tenfold Pain Blast, which increases sensitivity to pain tenfold in any victim. Closest to heart are Jaden and Zarbon, along with almost any child, for she absolutely loves children. With Frieza's reluctant blessing, she adopted a captive little Astorian princess named Kaydra.  
  
DIAMONIQUE: Beautiful, seductive, yet very deadly, Diamonique is one of the most attractive women in Frieza's Elite, and the loveliest woman in the Top section. She's five-feet, nine inches tall with ice-blue hair streaked with silver, black diamond eyes, peachy-blue skin, and blue diamond nails tainted with one of the universe's deadliest poisons. Although she is seductive and charming and able to get almost any man into bed, her looks and charm do not always hide her cruel nature. Diamonique is also selfish, vain, petty, and extremely malicious, with a low tolerance for any rivals who go after the men that she wants.   
  
She once wanted Zarbon for herself when she and Chestra were both recruits, and she tried to kill Chestra twice so that she could have Zarbon for herself. When she finally realized that she would never get Zarbon, she set her sights on Vegeta, who was fifteen at the time (he's seventeen now) and seduced him, becoming his first woman. The two had a passionate sexual affair for almost a year when Diamonique declared to Vegeta, who was eight years younger than she was, that she wanted him for a husband. Vegeta, who only felt lust for her, told her bluntly that he only wanted an affair with her, not a permanent relationship, and they broke up. Diamonique was at first furious with him, but later she decided that she wanted him back, so she's been actively pursuing him since. Vegeta has told her repeatedly that he wants nothing to do with her, but Diamonique is completely obsessed with him and bound and determined to make him her mate for life.  
  
Known legally as Lady Diamonique, she is from the Diamondian Tribe, the elite tribe of planet Gemstar, and she considers herself to be superior in class to many people in Frieza's army. Her uncle is the king of Gemstar, and Frieza tolerates Diamonique and slightly favors her on occasion because of his close relationship with Gemstar's king. However, like most of the Top Elite officers, Frieza wearies of patience with Diamonique's selfish, childish behavior.  
  
Diamonique is weaker physically than almost everyone in Top Elite, except for Chestra, but her unique talents make up for her lack of physical strength. She can poison almost anyone with her diamond nails, as long as they are not of the Saiyan, Astorian, or the Rybanese races. Also her nails are like claws, and she can easily rip someone's flesh open with them. She can also create instant snow or hailstorms just by shooting a laser into the sky of any planet that she's on, and she can freeze the vital organs of any living being until those organs fail. Her most notable attack, however, is Diamond Freeze, where she shoots someone with a ki blast and turns him or her into a diamond statue.   
  
HECTAR AND RECTAURUS: The newest additions to Frieza's Top Elite, they were transfers from Coola's Top Elite. Both brothers were from the Sistrai race, a reptilian T-Rex-like race of which most of the men are cruel, misogynistic, and sexist. They were the older brothers of the infamous Balair, the most powerful Sistrai warrior in Frieza's army as well as a former Top Elite officer. When Balair was killed in battle over a year before this story began, Hectar and Rectaurus were sent to take his place in Frieza's Elite.   
  
Like all Sistrai, Hectar and Rectaurus can vaporize and liquefy their bodies, and while they are in their vapor or liquid forms, they cannot be harmed with ki blasts.   
  
Both brothers are exactly like Balair in their attitudes towards women and their drinking and gambling habits. However, unlike Balair, they are much stronger, although much stupider without Balair's superb animal cunning that had made up for Balair's low basic intelligence. Most of the females in Frieza's army describe having the Sistrai brothers around as "having Balair times two"…a very, very bad thing for anyone who was not fortunate enough to be born a male…  
  
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A/N: It really does help if you read either "Chestra", "Tayla of Astoria" or "Hope Never Dies", but you can probably read this story if you haven't read the others, if you take your time to get to know the characters just mentioned. This is so that new readers don't get too confused when new characters come into play. Whether you read my other stories yet or not, I hope you like this one! =)  
  
Now on to the first chapter------------ 


	2. Chapter One: Draw Two

DBZ DISCLAIMER: I do not own DBZ or any of the characters, but all characters in the character bio are mine exclusively. They may be borrowed only with written permission from yours truly.  
  
  
Chapter One: Draw Two  
  
Auditorium, Frieza's Mother Ship…  
  
Frieza's birthday was two weeks from today, and everyone was excited.  
  
But not because it was such a special day for their feared liege, nor was it because Frieza normally declared a holiday on his birthday, or even because all the minions who kissed Frieza's tail on a regular basis (such as Dodoria, who was passionately in love with him) got an extra chance to gain Frieza's personal favor.  
  
Well, actually, to be perfectly honest, it was really only the men in Frieza's army who became excited whenever Frieza's birthday rolled around, and that was only because a special, albeit unusual, event had taken place for the past few years on the evil tyrant's special day.  
  
Even though it was only the men who looked forward to that anticipated occasion, everyone agreed that the event that normally happened on Frieza's birthday now was better than the awful magic shows that Frieza used to put on for everyone. For a while, Frieza had mistakenly believed that he could be as great a magician as he was a warrior and warlord, and so he had performed poorly staged stunts from his "sawing-himself-in-half" trick (which had nearly cost him his genitals) to making Low-Level officers disappear permanently whenever he did his disappearing/reappearing tricks. Of course, some soldiers thought to this day that Frieza had intentionally meant to make those Low-Levels vanish for good, but that was another story…  
  
So the event that had replaced Frieza's magic shows (now forbidden forever by King Cold, Frieza's father) was something every heterosexual male in Frieza's army looked forward to each year now on Frieza's birthday. Frieza had thought of the idea himself, with the help of his more overly sexed male Elite officers.  
  
Standing on the podium in the auditorium on his mother ship, with all of his soldiers in the audience that were not currently on assignments to clear or enslave planets, Frieza happily announced the news that all the hormonal males had been waiting to hear:  
  
"In two weeks, we will be having a beauty contest to celebrate my birthday!"  
  
"YEAH! YAYYYYYYYYY!!" the men hooted and cheered and whistled. The women in Frieza's army and the Ginyu Girls groaned and sighed, even though some of them were planning to enter the beauty contest themselves.  
  
"And now," Frieza told the excited men in his audience, "Our beautiful Ginyu Girl Squad Leader, Eclipse, will pick out from this little sack of mine the names of two lucky soldiers to be judges. Eclipse?"  
  
Eclipse strolled out onto the stage, wearing a long, glittering red evening gown that had slits on both sides. It was low-cut with a V neckline, showing off an enticing cleft of cleavage. The men hooted and whistled when Eclipse came across the stage to greet Frieza.  
  
"Pick my name, baby!"  
  
"I've got your name, honeypie, how about you get mine?"  
  
"Pick me, sugarlips, pick me!"  
  
"Leave her alone!" Nappa growled loudly at the oversexed men shouting at Eclipse. He would have lunged at them, if Vegeta had not been there to restrain him.  
  
"Sit down, Nappa."  
  
"Eclipse is my mate," Nappa hissed. "I don't like those guys making their catcalls at her."  
  
"You can teach them a lesson later, Nappa. Right now, we must behave ourselves. You know how that lizard leader of ours is about causing unnecessary disruptions at his assemblies. I don't feel like dealing with Frieza's punishment for disrespect and disruption today, so just sit tight."  
  
Nappa grumbled under his breath how he would like to sit tight on the heads of certain horny males among Frieza's army, but he obeyed Vegeta and remained still. He crossed his arms and sulked for a few moments until Eclipse looked at him directly and blew him a kiss. Nappa then relaxed his huge arms and grinned, and Journa and Raditz swore that they saw his ears and the tips of his cheeks turn red. Even Vegeta snickered along with them, teasing Nappa.   
  
Frieza grinned at Eclipse and handed her a small velvet sack. Frieza, like the Elite males, used to see the former courtesan quite a bit on a personal basis before Eclipse exclusively became Nappa's woman. Frieza had not shown that he had been fully interested in keeping Eclipse for himself, but he had been visibly agitated (like all the men in his Elite) that she would choose a "monkey" for her permanent boyfriend or "mate" as Nappa had dubbed her.  
  
Eclipse closed her beautiful black diamond eyes and reached into the sack with one of her elegant, long-fingered, hands. She casually pulled out a scrap of paper that and announced cheerily, "One of this year's judges is…Raditz!"  
  
A mixture of boos and cheers followed her announcement. Nappa nudged Raditz and chuckled. "Congrats, Raditz, you lucky man, you!"  
  
Raditz laughed. "There is a Supreme Kai, and he loves me! And to think that I get to pick from all those gorgeous women!"  
  
Journa, Vegeta's sister and Raditz's mate, frowned heavily and sulked. Raditz noticed her expression and asked, "Journ, what's wrong?"  
  
"You're going to have a bunch of desperate, big-breasted girls with tiny waists and even tinier brains panting after you and sucking up to you," Journa huffed, crossing her arms.  
  
"And that's supposed to be a bad thing?" Nappa joked. Journa threw a crumpled wad of paper at him, and it hit Vegeta.  
  
"Watch it!" Vegeta warned his sister.  
  
"Don't tell me that you wouldn't like to be a beauty contest judge?" Nappa asked, grinning.  
  
"No, I wouldn't. Beauty contests are ridiculous. They judge women and girls on how good they look in swimsuits and evening gowns, or how much leg or chest they can show, or how bright their smiles are. They don't judge them on their strength or their intelligence; yes, there is a talent section and a question-and-answer section, but it's really all about looks. There has to be more beneath a beautiful package," Vegeta asserted with absolute certainty.  
  
"I agree," Journa told her brother, "and I'm glad that there's one man who isn't going to be panting and hooting after all the women on stage when that silly contest arrives."  
  
"Journa, are you still mad about last year's beauty contest?" Raditz said with a pout. "That was a year ago."  
  
"Raditz, I could have dealt with you staring at the women. I could have even put up with you making that stupid catcall to that one big-breasted contestant. But did you and Nappa have to get up on stage and dance with that one humanoid beauty during the so-called talent portion of the contest. You nearly rubbed bellies with her, for crying out loud!"   
  
"Journ, she invited us there!" Raditz protested. "And I apologized for it for I don't know how many times afterwards. I swore never to do that again, and I haven't!" He then looked at her and ever so casually began rubbing her bare knee. "Besides, no other woman could ever compare to you. Ladies like her do catch the eye, yes, but you're the only one who catches mine." Journa slowly smiled then and snuggled closer to her mate.  
  
Nappa whispered to Vegeta in a chuckle, "Smooth move."  
  
Vegeta smirked and whispered back, "Yes, I do have to give that dolt credit sometimes. Occasionally, I even get happy with Journa for taking him as her mate, occasionally."  
  
By the time, the furor and fuss settled, Eclipse had the second name of the next lucky beauty contest judge. "And the next new judge is…Nappa!"  
  
"Yes!" Nappa jumped out of his seat and cheered with his huge fist in the air.  
  
"Favoritism," one male soldier huffed.  
  
"She had to have peeked," accused another man.  
  
"That's it; it's too much of a coincidence," the first soldier stated.  
  
Unfortunately, the two soldiers were sitting directly behind the Saiyans, and Nappa turned around quickly and seized them by their collars. "You two take back those statements immediately, or you'll find yourselves in hell!"  
  
"NAPPA!" Frieza hissed from the stage. "Put those two down at once, or you'll be disqualified!" At Frieza's orders, Nappa huffily threw the two frightened soldiers, merely Low-Levels, back into their chairs and sat down himself.  
  
"Now," Frieza said serenely, after Nappa had sat down, "Nappa and Raditz are our new beauty pageant judges this year. Congratulations, Nappa and Raditz! That will be all for today. The lucky ladies who wish to enter may come up to the stage after this assembly is over to pick up the entry forms and contest rules. All ladies in the Cold Empire not related to the judges by blood are eligible. And I look forward to all the wonderful gifts that all of you (and I do mean all of you) will be giving me for my birthday! A new personal traveling pod would be nice. Meeting dismissed."  
  
The crowd began to file out of the auditorium.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I'd like to give him a new personal pod, alright," Journa huffed after Frieza disappeared from the stage and most of the other minions had vanished. "So I can stuff all of him in it."  
  
"That would make a nice promotional product-Frieza In A Can!" Nappa joked.  
  
"Ugh! No, thanks! I'll do without condensed canned lizard, thank you," Vegeta gagged. "Besides, Dodoria would be likely to buy that pod for him first."  
  
"What are you getting him, Vegeta?" Nappa asked.  
  
"Ideally, a free trip to the next dimension. Seriously, I don't know yet. I hate that giving that tyrant birthday presents is 'mandatory'."  
  
"What do you expect from the bastard who killed our father?" Journa asked angrily.  
  
"Not much," Vegeta admitted. "But let's get off that topic for now. I don't like discussing him anymore than necessary, especially before dinner."  
  
"I take it that canned lizard's not on the menu," Raditz quipped.  
  
"No," Vegeta told Raditz coolly, "it's not."  
  
"But we did get lucky today though, Raditz, you and I did anyway," Nappa stated. "I can't wait to see all those gorgeous dames parading across the stage. I'm glad that Frieza dropped the rule forbidding bikinis last year."  
  
"You and me both…remember that girl last year in an itty-bitty little…" Raditz's voice trailed off when he saw Journa glaring at him. "Umm, never mind. But anyway, Nappa, all the women are going to be wishing that you and I were single for the next two weeks!"  
  
"Well, you won't catch me entering," Journa huffed. "I'm not about to show off my body in front of a bunch of horny, oversexed men with the brains of five-year-olds and the hormones of fourteen-year-olds and having them hooting and hollering at me."  
  
"C'mon, Journ, you'd look great in a swimsuit…I've never seen you in one," Raditz pleaded.  
  
"For you, Raditz, I'll be happy to parade around in one…in private. But not in front of those idiots who'll be in the audience."  
  
Nappa frowned. "Eclipse told me beforehand that she won't be entering the contest this year, and I was hoping to see her in a swimsuit too!"  
  
"Sorry, Nappa, but now with you being a judge, it just wouldn't be fair!" a sweet voice piped up.  
  
Nappa grinned then when Eclipse sidled up to him and slid her arms around him, kissing him in front of everyone. Nappa wrapped his arms and his tail around her.  
  
"Besides, I didn't think that you'd like all those men making catcalls to me on stage," Eclipse teased. "I wouldn't want you to kill anyone."  
  
Nappa chuckled, not letting on to his mate that he had caused several of his rivals for her attention to permanently "disappear".  
  
"Seriously, congratulations to both you and Raditz though," Eclipse said with her perfect toothpaste smile. "I know you two will have to be fighting the ladies off for the next two weeks."  
  
Nappa chuckled again. "Don't worry, gorgeous, I won't be taking any of them home! Unless one of them flashes her chest, of course!"  
  
Eclipse playfully hit her mate with her small fist. "Nappa!"  
  
"Just kidding, just kidding!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Coola's mother ship…  
  
"Lord Coola?"  
  
Coola was sitting in his elaborately decorated parlor on his mother ship, sipping some expensive red wine. He tapped the button on his scouter.  
  
"Yes, Sauzaa?"  
  
"You told me to inform immediately when your brother, Lord Frieza, announced the judges for the beauty contest?"  
  
"And?"  
  
"Doore, who was attending the assembly, supposedly to send your brother an early gift from you, just contacted me. Two Saiyans, Nappa and Raditz, have been selected to be the judges this year."  
  
Coola chuckled, stretching his handsome fourth form that he usually resided in. He leisurely took another sip of his wine. "Wonderful! Just in time too, since my little love, Karilyn, wishes to enter a beauty pageant. I must thank my brother for this innovative idea to have a beauty contest on his birthday every year! And this year I have a real winner in my arms. Sauzaa, you know what to do. Have Neizu and Doore help you. I will see that my little beauty wins this year! I want you three to 'deliver' the lucky judges to me as soon as possible."  
  
"Yes, sire, will do."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Planet Ice, King Cold's Palace in his throne room…  
  
King Cold was admiring his daughter, twenty-year-old Snowflake, appreciatively, as she showed her father a new dress. Snowflake was the daughter of his favorite wife, his third wife, Lady Caldair, a half-Cara, half-Gemstarian woman from planet Cara-Camay who had been a former warrior, but now was a great lady. She had long, red-gold hair, peach-blue skin, velvety purple eyes, the deadly blue diamond nails of the Gemstarians, and the unusually long neck of all the Cara tribe.   
  
Like her favored mother, Snowflake was also a warrior, and she was almost entirely humanoid; the only physical traits she shared with her powerful father were his black eyes, some of his strength, and some of his height; she was over six-feet-tall. Snowflake had almost all other of her mother's looks and physical traits except for her hair color, which was a light, icy lavender color streaked with silver; she had inherited the unusual hair-coloring from her Gemstarian ancestors. She had a medium-sized bosom, a long slender nose, a thoroughbred figure, and long, long, slim legs that would not quit. Although she was half-Icein, she did not have the ability to change into a different and stronger form the way that her older brothers, Coola and Frieza, did; in fact, she could not change her shape at all.  
  
King Cold took that drawback in stride; of course it worried him at times that she would not be able to challenge her older brothers should they threaten her, but he did not let it get to him. Coola and Frieza were cold and unfriendly to her, but then they were like that to all their half-siblings that King Cold had had by other women besides their mother, the deceased Queen Frost. As long as they didn't believe that Snowflake was strong or devious enough to take the rights to King Cold's throne from them, they would leave her alone, even though it was said that they worried at times about her strength…  
  
"What do you think, Father?"  
  
King Cold smiled when his daughter showed him the silver ball gown that she was parading around in front of him. "Beautiful as always, my dear, that color suits you well."  
  
Snowflake humbly kissed her father on his cheek, and King Cold chuckled. Her birthday was coming up a week after Frieza's, and he knew just the gift to get her. He sent her away then to show her mother her new gown, and he tapped his scouter to contact his Head Commander, Brutu.  
  
"Brutu, are you there?"  
  
"Yes, Your Majesty."  
  
"Good. You were there at my son, Frieza's last assembly, weren't you?"  
  
"Yes, my king."  
  
"Who are the judges for the beauty contest this year? My wife, Caldair, mentioned something to me about Snowflake wanting to enter this year."  
  
"Two Saiyans, Your Majesty. Lord Frieza referred to them as Raditz and Nappa."  
  
"Wonderful! Thank you, Brutu! Now, as soon as possible, I want you and some of your men to arrange a meeting for me with the two lucky judges this year. Have them come to planet Ice as soon as possible."  
  
"Yes, Your Majesty. Consider it done."  
  
After they cut off communication, King Cold chuckled to himself after sipping some wine. A beauty contest victory was one of the best presents he could think of to give his favorite daughter.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
In the corridors of Frieza's mother ship…  
  
"Ladies, it is time we protested this obvious act of male chauvinism! Having a beauty contest is more proof that our Lord Frieza is a sexist pig!"   
  
A tall woman from the Cara tribe of planet Cara-Camay was standing in the midst of a group of ten young women who served in Frieza's army. She was a Lower-Elite officer who was five-feet, ten inches tall with long, curly, light brown hair, large emerald-green eyes, a large chest, long legs, and the Cara long neck. She was one of the resident feminists on Frieza's ship, and she strongly opposed Frieza's idea of a beauty contest, and she had been proclaiming to anyone who would listen that beauty contests and pageants degraded women because it based winning mostly on who was considered to be the most attractive. She was currently telling the group of interested young ladies her viewpoints concerning the upcoming beauty pageant.  
  
"I agree, Feminisa," a short, squat pink female alien with three eyestalks holding three blue irises cheered.   
  
"We must protest!" declared three more female aliens.  
  
"That's right, Triclopsa!" Feminisa declared. "Ladies, we must be willing to risk our lives for freedom and equality for women in Frieza's army! We must take up signs and posters and march through the corridors, declaring that Frieza is nothing more than a sexist pig that only cares what the men in his army think! He clearly favors men over women, and this beauty pageant proves it! We must demand that he cancel this beauty contest that puts down women by making them seem no more than sex objects for horny men to hoot and holler at like dogs! Onward to the supply room, where we will make our signs and posters protesting the contest! To the downfall of sexism! Say this with me: Frieza is a sexist pig!"  
  
"Sexist pig! Sexist pig! Frieza is a sexist pig!" the ten women with Feminisa chanted. "Frieza is a sexist pig! Sexist pig! Sexist pig! Only sexist pigs permit beauty contests!"  
  
The young women continued chanting and shouting, as they marched away with Feminisa, who was their unofficial leader of this protest march. 


	3. Chapter Two: The Bet

Chapter Two: The Bet  
  
Vegeta came out of a training room, shirtless, with his spandex pants clinging tightly to his muscles; what clothing he had on accentuated his body perfectly. He was wiping his brow with his shirt when suddenly a bunch of excited, screaming women accosted him.  
  
"There he is!"  
  
"Ah, somebody stop him!"  
  
"We've got to catch him!"  
  
"We need him! We want him!"  
  
Vegeta wasn't sure at this point whether to be flattered that a bunch of beautiful young femmes from within Frieza's army were targeting him, or whether to fear for his life. Before he could decide what to do, the crowd of a dozen or more lovelies surrounded him and pressed closer to him.  
  
"Hey, Vegeta!"  
  
"Vegeta, we wanted to see you!"  
  
"Vegeta, talk to me!"  
  
Vegeta smirked then, deciding to enjoy the attention. He casually strutted around in a circle, allowing the excited females to watch the muscles of his well-developed body move. The girls squealed with delight, as Vegeta did a bit of macho posing for them.  
  
The Saiyan prince chuckled. "What can I do for you ladies today?" he asked casually.  
One attractive humanoid female piped up, "Well, actually, Vegeta, there is something that you can do for us!"  
  
Vegeta grinned wickedly. "And just what would that be?"  
  
Another attractive female that was shaped like a curvy bear squeaked, "Well, we really need you to…"  
  
"Yes?" Vegeta asked patiently.  
  
"Well, would you…"  
  
"Go on," Vegeta told her coolly. "Spit it out."  
  
"Okay!" the second girl said cheerily. "We need you to tell us where Nappa and Raditz are!"  
  
Vegeta's jaw dropped; he was completely nonplussed. "Na-Nappa and Raditz?" he asked, stunned.   
  
"Why yes!" the first female said brightly.   
  
"What do you want with those two?" the Saiyan prince demanded to know. He was astonished that the ladies around him preferred those two to him, who just happened to be royalty!  
  
"We're entering the beauty contest, all of us," the first female, a short, curvy blonde with gray eyes stated bluntly. "And I myself need to give them my measurements. Or can you do it for me?" She handed Vegeta a small envelope, and with his above-average eyesight, Vegeta could see a picture of the girl and a scrap of paper with writing on it through the thin envelope.  
  
"And my bra size is only a B cup, but tell Nappa and Raditz that I'm having my breasts enlarged next week," a third female, who was also humanoid added.  
  
"And will you tell them that if they need me to do anything, and I do mean anything, extra to win, tell them I will be available all this week, and here's my room number. I'm an Upper Low-Level on the seventh floor, and my door will have a cute, pink bow on the doorknob," a fourth lady who resembled an orange salamander stated, handing Vegeta a slip of paper and her picture.  
  
"And here are my measurements and my picture," a fifth girl added, handing her information to Vegeta.  
  
Soon, all the girls and women were passing various pictures of themselves and measurements info to the Saiyan prince, who was getting increasingly annoyed with them.  
  
"And tell Nappa that I've always liked him. I've always wanted to sleep with him just once, and if he wants me to do so to win, let him no that I have no objections," the bear-like beauty blurted out.  
  
"And Raditz is so dreamy!" the second female gushed. "I just love all that wild hair of his! Tell him I'm available anytime, any place!"  
  
"I can provide nude shots of myself if Raditz and Nappa prefer!" the third female insisted.  
  
"And I can get my breasts enlarged to a D cup. I was going for a C cup, but whatever it takes!"  
  
"My measurements are…" another lady began, but Vegeta interrupted all of them.  
  
"What do I look like-a messenger boy?" he growled. "If you ladies want to get to know those fools, take your info to them-in fact, they are coming this way now!"  
  
"THANK YOU!" all the ladies squealed, and after taking their info back, they all shoved past Vegeta to pursue Nappa and Raditz. Actually, the two Saiyans were nowhere close, but Vegeta felt as if he were going to vomit if he had to hear one more proposition for those two. He snuck away before the crazed females had a chance to figure out his lie.  
  
Unfortunately, as soon as he neared the end of the corridor, he ran into another person that he would have preferred to avoid-Zarbon, the "pretty boy" Head Commander of Frieza's army and Frieza's right-hand man. Zarbon, who was handsomely dressed as always, smiled when he saw the Saiyan prince.  
  
"Well, Vegeta, are you looking forward to the beauty contest coming up?"  
  
Vegeta huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at Zarbon. "Not really. No, Zarbon, I don't look forward to seeing a bunch of foolish girls and women parade around on stage in swimsuits and gowns, flashing fake smiles for judges and overly sexed men. It actually isn't that hard to win a beauty contest, you know. I could take any one on this ship who ever even dreamed of entering and make that person into the perfect beauty pageant winner. Why, if I wanted to, I could take the ugliest thing on this ship and turn that creature into the next Miss Frieza easily!"  
  
Zarbon chuckled. "Do you really think it's that simple, princeling?"  
  
Vegeta cut his eyes at Zarbon. He hated it when Zarbon referred to him, as "princeling", and Zarbon and most of the Top Elite males knew it. Zarbon often called Vegeta that whenever he thought that Vegeta was getting too arrogant for his own good, which usually happened several times a day.  
  
"Listen here, pretty boy," Vegeta hissed, showing no respect for Zarbon's authority over him. "I could even make Jaden a beauty pageant winner, if I wanted to." Jaden was Vegeta's former trainer, and although she was hailed to be the strongest woman in Frieza's army, she was also considered to be one of the ugliest as well.  
  
Zarbon chuckled. "Jaden is a fine warrior, but a beauty contest winner…ah, that would be pushing your luck. Besides, I'm afraid Jaden feels the same way that you do about beauty contests, so you would have to literally threaten her life to get her to enter, and even then she might consider suicide to be the happier option."  
  
"Hmmph," Vegeta huffed.   
  
Zarbon grinned. "However, prince, would you be up to making a friendly gentleman's wager concerning this theory of yours?"  
  
"Yes, I would," Vegeta said, smirking. "But you see, Zarbon, I only make gentleman's wagers with gentlemen, not effeminate dandies with girlish braids."  
  
Whirling onto the Saiyan prince, Zarbon snarled, "You're really pushing it, Vegeta!"  
  
Vegeta chuckled, happy to finally get a rise out of Zarbon. "I'm just being honest, Zarbon. However, I will take you up on your little wager."  
  
"Good," Zarbon told him. "Loser has to be the winner's personal slave for a month, and since the wager was my idea, I get to pick the contestant that you get to try to makeover into a beauty contest winner. Oh, and the loser also has to dress in a woman's nightgown every time his services are required."  
  
"Fine with me," Vegeta said. "Have anyone in mind already?"  
  
"We'll find someone in the Elite Lounge And Bar," Zarbon told Vegeta happily. "And there I will pick the clay for you to sculpt." Both Elite men immediately left for the restaurant and bar reserved exclusively for Elite soldiers.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
At the Elite Lounge And Bar…  
  
"Hmmm…no, too bosomy," Zarbon commented as a lovely humanoid soldier with a double D cup strolled past him and Vegeta, who kept his eyes on the girl for several more seconds before she went to sit down at a table.  
  
A tall mammalian cat-like girl strolled by, and Zarbon sighed, "Nope, too tall and shapely."  
  
A female mushroom-shaped alien hobbled along on four feet. She had six eyestalks, and her white body had a rash on it that resembled green mold. Vegeta visibly retched and Zarbon's eyes widened. "No, definitely not that one. Not even you, prince, deserve to have that thing on your hands."  
  
"That girl looks like a potential," Vegeta commented, pointing with his tail to a chubby humanoid/mammalian girl with two long, cherry red braids hanging from a horse-like head. Zarbon shook his head.  
  
"Good one, Vegeta, but no. I know that Nappa and Raditz are the judges this year, and Nappa's been with a few chunky girls in the past. He might find that chest and rear of hers attractive, and we know that Nappa is a boobs-and-butt-man. She'd be too easy."  
  
At that moment, the Ginyu Force came strutting into the Elite Lounge And Bar, with Captain Ginyu twirling around on his toes as usual. Jeice fell into a figure Y pose, and Baata and Guido posed into arabesque positions. Reccoom twirled around on one toe in an arabesque position, and he twirled about and danced on his toes like a cross between a ballerina and a sumo wrestler. Zarbon frowned heavily and Vegeta shook his head in contempt.  
  
"Strongest among the Elite perhaps, but they all have the combined IQ of your braid, Zarbon," Vegeta sneered. "Why Reccoom alone has the IQ level of that ruffly pretty thing holding your braid together. What is that thing called again-a smoochie?"  
  
Zarbon was embarrassed at this point, for the rubber band he normally used to bind his braid had broken, and his mate, Chestra, had lent him her scrunchie, which just happened to be a frothy, lacy, white one trimmed with pearls. Frieza and the Elite males had been ribbing Zarbon about it all morning, and even Jaden, one of his closest cohorts, had made a crack about Zarbon starting a new line of hair accessories for men.   
  
"A scrunchie, alright!" Zarbon snapped. "It happens to be the latest style back home on my planet among the men."  
  
Vegeta smirked. "Interesting! Chestra must have copied that style from your people, for I saw her wear that exact same thing two weeks ago."  
  
Zarbon decided to get back at Vegeta for that one, and he found the perfect solution, as Reccoom continued to pose along with the rest of the Ginyu Force. He said, smiling wickedly, "Oh, Vegeta, I found your contestant…you will love this one."  
  
Vegeta said confidently, "Go ahead, Zarbon, tell me."  
  
Zarbon laughed and said happily, "Reccoom will be your contestant to enter."  
  
Vegeta paled, trying to see if Zarbon was joking, and then he threw his head back wildly and laughed. "Hahahaha, Zarbon! You actually made me laugh! Reccoom as my contestant? Haha! Last time I checked, Reccoom was a man, a poorer excuse for one than you, but nevertheless a man! And the beauty contest is for women, you know that right?"  
  
Zarbon said, grinning as he crossed his arms, "Actually, prince, there is nothing in the contest rules pertaining to gender, which means that technically a contestant can either be male or female. And we agreed that I got to pick, and I picked Reccoom. So good luck, Vegeta, because you're going to need it. You know, if Reccoom loses, then you're my personal slave for a month. You'll also have to wear one of Journa's nightgowns while you're waiting on me."  
  
Vegeta looked at Zarbon slowly, realizing that he was serious. A scowl formed on the Saiyan prince's handsome face, and his black eyes narrowed. He was debating whether to try to decimate Zarbon on the spot or pull out of the bet altogether. He took a few moments, however to think. After those moments had passed, Vegeta's scowl curved into an evil grin.  
  
"Very well then, Zarbon, I accept your challenge. I will see personally that Reccoom wins this beauty contest."  
  
Zarbon's eyes bulged. "What? Vegeta, I thought that-"  
  
"You thought that I would drop out of the bet, didn't you? You thought that I would just retreat and give up, knowing that I would have to enter a man instead of a woman, right? WRONG! I will see that Reccoom enters the beauty contest, and he will win! And since Nappa and Raditz are my men, this contest will be easy for Reccoom to win. Zarbon, I know that you're awfully fond of yourself, but did you have to start screwing yourself? Really, Zarbon! Well, I have to go talk to a certain Ginyu Force member, so see you, Zarbon! And oh, Zarbon, by the way, after Reccoom wins the contest, you will be serving me personally, dressed in one of Chestra's sexiest nightgowns. Make sure you find one to go with that scrunchie she lent you!" And Vegeta, laughing, marched proudly away.  
  
Zarbon clenched his fists, but then he relaxed. There was no way that Nappa and Raditz would even dream of voting for Reccoom to win, no matter how much Vegeta would demand on it. He laughed wildly himself, and he stumbled to the bar to demand his favorite drink-Crystal Blue Persuasion.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Reccoom was strutting in front of adoring young girls (the Ginyu Girls were not the only ones who found the Ginyu Force members attractive and manly). They were cooing and squealing and encouraging Reccoom on. Reccoom was now flexing his muscles and parading about the room for all the girls to see. Vegeta pushed through the throng of females to get to the huge Ginyu Force member.  
  
"Oh, Reccoom!" Vegeta sang merrily, strolling up to him. "I need a word with you!"  
  
Reccoom snorted contemptuously, wondering what a "monkey" would have to say that would take up his valuable posing and preening time. He stood still and crossed his beefy arms.   
"Yeah, sure, what is it, Vegeta?"  
  
Vegeta said serenely, "How would you like to enter a contest worthy of your abilities?"  
  
Reccoom laughed. "Are you challenging me, Vegeta? If so, you've lost before you've even begun! I could pound you with one blow!"  
  
Vegeta just barely managed to keep his temper in check. He would have loved to challenge that buffoon, but he needed the moron alive to win his bet with Zarbon. Otherwise, he'd have to be Zarbon's flunky for a whole month. He wasn't about to admit right now that he couldn't defeat Reccoom anyway. He said edgily, "No, not a fight, Reccoom. This one actually will let you put your posing and dancing abilities to good use. I am entering you in that beauty contest."  
  
Reccoom's eyes bulged, and he threw his head back and laughed. "You have to be kidding, Vegeta, right? Last time I checked, I was still a man! The Miss Frieza Beauty Contest is for women!"  
  
Vegeta smirked, managing to keep calm. "Not according to the rules. There is nothing in the contest rules saying that men cannot enter. Think about it, Reccoom; you'd be the first Ginyu Force member ever to win a beauty contest. Besides, how much do you like Zarbon?"  
  
Reccoom snorted. "He's okay. He's a bit too prissy for my taste though sometimes."  
  
Vegeta chuckled. "Well, how would you like to see him dressed in drag every day for an entire month, if you win? I have a friendly bet with him, and if he loses, he would have to wear Chestra's nightgowns almost every day."  
  
Reccoom slowly smiled. Seeing Zarbon humbled didn't bother him a bit. "Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt for me to enter, that is, if Frieza and the Cap'n allow it."  
  
"Allow what?" Captain Ginyu asked, strolling over to Reccoom and Vegeta. "What's going on here?" Baata, Guido, and Jeice followed behind him, curious as to why Reccoom would be talking to a "monkey".  
  
"Somethin' great, Cap'n!" Reccoom said brightly. "Vegeta's entering me in the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest!"  
  
All of the other Ginyu Force members fell over backwards and hit the floor. 


	4. Chapter Three: You Heard The Sexist Pig

Chapter Three: You Heard The Sexist Pig  
  
That evening…  
  
"Sexist pig! Sexist pig! Lord Frieza is a sexist pig!"  
  
Feminisa and her followers were parading outside of Frieza's dining room, where Frieza was eating his dinner, chanting and waving signs in protest of the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest. Frieza was fervently trying to ignore them; Dr. Katsen, his regular physician, had advised him never to get upset during his meals, and Frieza was taking his advice. (The evil tyrant was prone to heartburn and ulcers.) When the food in Frieza's stomach had settled, he would deal with the usurpers then.  
  
"Sexist pig!"  
  
"Stop this repression against women!"  
  
"Cancel the beauty contest!"  
  
"Down with sexist pigs!"  
  
"Sexist pig! Sexist pig! Lord Frieza is a sexist pig!"  
  
"Frieza wants to hold women back!"  
  
Feminisa saw Jaden and Dodoria walking to Frieza's dining room, and she cried to them, waving her signs, "Top Elite Officers! If you truly want to help end tyranny in Frieza's army, protest this beauty contest! Commander Jaden, you as a woman, should want to object this obvious degradation of women in Frieza's forces and the Cold Empire!"  
  
Jaden winced, but she said quietly, "Look, Feminisa, I'm not crazy about beauty contests any more than you and your friends are, but entering is optional. No one is forcing the contestants to enter. And all you and your friends are going to do is upset Lord Frieza's stomach, and Lord Frieza especially gets in a nasty mood when his stomach is acting up. And frankly, since I have to see him in two seconds, I don't want to be on the brunt of one of his rages."  
  
"You might be on the brunt of one of his rages, but not me," Dodoria told Jaden. "Frieza is always happy to see me. I always please him and serve him well. Why do you think he keeps me around?"  
  
"To demonstrate to the rest of us as to exactly what a Top Elite Officer should not be like," Jaden quipped.   
  
Dodoria cut his eyes at her, his archenemy. Jaden and Dodoria had a long and painful history going back to when Dodoria used to tease and torment Jaden when he was once much stronger than she was. He had left her alone physically ever since Jaden's strength had caught up to his, but he never missed a chance to make her life miserable whenever possible. Jaden had killed their Sagash, their brutal trainer who had been a role model of Dodoria's, and Dodoria had never forgiven Jaden for it.  
  
Jaden didn't let up on him. "And you serving as a butt for his jokes gets him through the day, as well, Dodo."  
  
"Why you bitc-"  
  
Frieza came out of his office just then. "What is going on here?" he demanded.  
  
The other protesters fell silent in terror, but Feminisa spoke up freely, "You, Lord Frieza, are a sexist pig!"  
  
"She's gone," Dodoria blurted bluntly.  
  
For once, Jaden had to agree with her archenemy. She was going to miss the girl too; Feminisa had been one of Jaden's students before she had earned herself a Lower-Elite position. The Rybanese warrior shook her head, wondering how Frieza was going to ship Feminisa off to the next dimension.  
  
"How dare you accuse me of such a thing?" Frieza fumed to Feminisa, who bravely held her ground.  
  
"Holding this beauty contest!" Feminisa said boldly. "How dare you repress women this way? Having them parade around in swimsuits and scanty dresses in front of crazed, oversexed men! What is wrong with you?"  
  
Frieza narrowed his eyes at her when Guido suddenly showed up, marching behind the other girls, carrying a sign that read, "FRIEZA = SEXIST PIG!" He was also munching on a chili cheeseburger, and chili and cheese dribbled down his chin.  
  
"Guido!" Dodoria roared. "What is wrong with you? Why are you marching against Frieza?" Dodoria stormed over to Guido, and Jaden followed behind him.  
  
"You, a Ginyu Force member, are opposing the beauty contest?" Jaden asked, amazed. "I'm surprised, Guido. Since when did you become opposed to beauty pageants?"  
  
Guido said to Jaden and Dodoria, "Well, I'm not really opposed to the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest. I just started protesting with the girls because they bribed me with chili cheeseburgers."  
  
"You mean that you're protesting my beauty pageant because of chili cheeseburgers?" Frieza fumed.  
  
Guido meekly nodded, and he gobbled down on a second cheeseburger.  
  
"Do these chili cheeseburgers come with curly fries?" Jaden asked.  
  
"You betcha," Guido said between mouthfuls.  
  
"Well, in that case…" Jaden said happily. "Give me a sign, girls!" Feminisa tossed an extra sign to Jaden, and Jaden began chanting, "Sexist pig! Sexist pig! Lord Frieza is a sexist pig!" One of the protesters tossed Jaden a wrapped chili cheeseburger.  
  
"JADEN!" Frieza roared and shot her a look so deadly that it could have decimated a galaxy. Jaden meekly handed the sandwich back to Feminisa, and when Frieza gave Guido the same look, he humbly tossed the remains of his chili cheeseburger in a nearby trashcan.   
  
All the girls continued to cry, "Sexist pig! Sexist pig! Lord Frieza is a sexist pig! Down with sexist pigs who hold sexist beauty contests!"  
  
"Dodoria," Frieza told his one remaining loyal soldier. "There is something that I…want you to do for me."  
  
"What's that, my love…er I mean, my lord?" Dodoria asked. "Do you want me to kill them all?"  
  
"No, not yet!"  
  
"Then what else do you want me to do, sire?"  
  
"Get me my antacids, Dodoria! My ulcers are acting up again! When my stomach calms down, then I can deal with these fools! Get to it!"  
  
"Yes, yes, my lov-er, I mean my lord!" Dodoria stuttered, scrambling to Frieza's office.  
  
"Sexist pig! Sexist pig! Lord Frieza is a sexist pig!"  
  
"Dodoria, follow me into the office," Frieza ordered. He said sharply to Jaden, "Jaden, order these girls to disperse at once; I'll discipline them later!"  
  
"Will do, sire," Jaden replied.  
  
"What do you want me to do, sire?" Guido asked.  
  
Frieza looked at him; he hadn't thought much about what do with Guido. He waved his hand and said dismissively, "Oh, um…why don't you enjoy more chili cheeseburgers, hmm, Guido? Tell me how they taste later." He and Dodoria disappeared into the office, leaving Guido and Jaden to the protesters.  
  
"Sexist pig! Sexist pig! Lord Frieza is a sexist pig!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Twenty minutes later…  
  
Frieza frowned heavily, his stomach already aching. Feminisa and her cohorts continue to shout and chant in protest outside; the cries were growing louder and louder. He clutched at his stomach and gulped down ten more antacids.  
  
"Dr. Katsen said no more than five at a time, sire," Dodoria protested.  
  
"Thank you, Dr. Dodoria!" Frieza mocked. "When you've shown me your medical degree, then I'll listen to what you have to say about my health! Until then-SHUT UP! Oh, my STOMACH! Ohhhhh!"  
  
Suddenly a buzzing sound was heard at the door, and Frieza pressed the button for the door to rise. Jaden casually marched into Frieza's dining room, saying brightly with a big grin on her alligator-like face, "Well, sire, you'll be happy to know that the girls are no longer calling you a sexist pig."  
  
"Then why are they still protesting?"  
  
"They're now calling you a sexist lizard."  
  
"SEXIST LIZARD! SEXIST LIZARD! LORD FRIEZA IS A SEXIST LIZARD!"  
  
"My stomach!" Frieza moaned. He then turned to Jaden and screamed at her, "Jaden, eliminate those girls immediately!"  
  
"Sire, is that necessary?" Jaden inquired. "I could just arrange to have their pay suspended, or at the very most, have them flogged."  
  
"I said to eliminate them at once-" And in his anger, Frieza accidentally pressed his door button.   
  
The door abruptly rose, and before Frieza could close it, Reccoom, ducking his head, walked into the door. Vegeta followed behind him, yelling at the girls, "Get out of my way, all of you! Take your march elsewhere! It won't do you any good!"  
  
"We're offering chili cheeseburgers to those who march with us!" one of the protesters squeaked.  
  
"Chili cheeseburgers?" Reccoom asked hopefully, starting to turn around. Vegeta abruptly seized his arm.   
  
"Not now!" he shouted at the huge Ginyu Force member. "There's a beauty contest to win, you fool!" He shoved two of the protesting girls out into the hall and Frieza hastily shut the door. His stomach started to act up again, but he ignored the pain for now. The girls continued to march and protest outside.  
  
"SEXIST LIZARD! SEXIST LIZARD! LORD FRIEZA IS A SEXIST LIZARD!"  
  
"My beauty contest?" Frieza asked wickedly. "Vegeta, there's a better chance of Dodoria and Jaden sleeping together than of you winning my beauty contest." He laughed loudly, and Jaden and Dodoria managed feeble grins because they knew that Frieza expected them to find what he said funny. Secretly, Jaden wanted to murder the tyrant, and Dodoria almost felt like doing the same.   
  
Vegeta smiled as serenely as possible for him; even Frieza couldn't ruin his good mood today-not yet anyway. He chuckled, "No, sire; I am not the one who is entering. Reccoom is. That's why I brought him here."  
  
Frieza burst into wild laughter, and he nearly fell out of his chair. Jaden chuckled and grinned, and Dodoria snickered.   
  
"Ha! Reccoom entering the beauty contest! Yeah right! You should have entered Jeice, if you were going to enter a Ginyu Force member, Vegeta! At least Jeice wouldn't break a mirror just by looking into it!"  
  
Reccoom roared, "You're dead, Dodo!" He started to march over to Dodoria to pick a fight with the fat, pink soldier, but Vegeta blocked his path.  
  
"He's not worth it, Reccoom," Vegeta told him firmly. "Besides no one asked him to enter a beauty contest. Even Jaden has a better chance of winning than he does. Anyway, let's the form from Lord Frieza."  
  
Frieza jeered, "Vegeta, aren't you forgetting something? Reccoom is a man. The Miss Frieza Beauty Contest is for women. Look in the rules." He tossed a booklet of the contest rules at Vegeta. Vegeta caught the booklet easily, and within less than two minutes, he had read the entire booklet. The Saiyan prince smirked.  
  
"I read all of the rules, Lord Frieza, and not one of them mentions gender as a factor for entering, which means that there is nothing excluding Reccoom from entering your contest."  
  
"What?" Frieza exclaimed.  
  
"Let me see that," Jaden told Vegeta, and Vegeta casually tossed the book to her. Jaden scanned it quickly, and she nodded, grunting. "He's right, sire. There's nothing in here that says men can't enter."  
  
Frieza grumbled, "I hate it when you soldiers find loopholes! Well, I don't care! Reccoom is NOT entering!" And with that, Frieza angrily slammed down the button to open the door. "Vegeta, Reccoom, I want you both to leave immediately, and stop bothering me with this nonsense!"  
  
"But sire, Vegeta thinks that I can win," Reccoom protested.  
  
"GET OUT!"  
  
Jaden grinned, but not at Vegeta and Reccoom's plight. A devious plan came to her mind. She just found a way to get back at her lord for cracking about her and Dodoria-without getting herself killed or tortured. And at the same time, it could possibly get the girls to leave Frieza alone.  
  
As the door opened, Feminisa stormed into the room, followed by the other girls, chanting, "SEXIST PIG! SEXIST PIG! LORD FRIEZA IS A SEXIST PIG!"  
  
"What happened to sexist lizard?" Jaden inquired.  
  
"Sexist pig has a better flow when you say it," Triclopsa explained.  
  
"I understand," Jaden told her and her grin remained. "Ladies, I just learned something today. Frieza is becoming more progressive, more understanding of your plight."  
  
"What do you mean?" Feminisa asked, puzzled.  
  
"Vegeta and Reccoom came up with a novel idea to make the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest more interesting, and Frieza has agreed to it. He is allowing Vegeta to enter Reccoom as a contestant."  
  
"WHAT?" everyone exclaimed. If Frieza were able to kill with his looks, Jaden would have been saying hello to Enma Daiou right about now. Braving Frieza's evil glare (and the possible threat of death), the Rybanese warrior continued, "Yes, that's right, Frieza has opened the contest to both men and women, showing that he is starting to view both sexes equally."  
  
The girls were quiet for a few moments, and Frieza was planning on how to send Jaden to hell. Dodoria was staring at his colleague in shock with his fat jaw almost reaching the floor. Vegeta was grinning, and Reccoom was nervously hoping for a miracle.  
  
Fortunately, the girls began to smile, and Feminisa spoke happily, "That's great! I think it's a wonderful idea to have both men and women in the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest!" She bowed humbly before Frieza and said, "My apologies, sire…how wonderful of you! We have been mistaken! This is great!"  
  
A slow smile crept across Frieza's face against his will, but he kept his stern voice, "Does this mean that if Reccoom enters, you girls will stop this protesting and go away and leave me alone?"  
  
Feminisa was thoughtful then. "One moment please, sire." She drew Triclopsa and the other girls together, and they began to talk rapidly in hushed tones. Then the girls finished, and Feminisa said happily, "Yes!"  
  
Frieza was visibly relieved, and so were the Elite officers. Frieza then recovered his composure, deciding to let Jaden live for now. He then barked, "Good, wonderful. Reccoom is in, Vegeta. Here are the forms." He tossed the forms to Vegeta.  
  
"Now everyone get out of my office, right now! I want to finish my meal in peace! That means everyone! And you girls who were protesting, you all better be gone from outside of my dining room within five minutes."  
  
"Yes, sire!" everyone exclaimed.  
  
"C'mon, everyone, let's go; you all heard the sexist pig," Jaden told everyone. Frieza glared at her again, and Jaden wisely ducked out with the others before Frieza decided to use her for target practice.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I'll have to give you credit, Jaden," Vegeta said with a grin. "And we do have to thank you. I'll remember you when Zarbon comes to me, serving me ham and eggs in Chestra's sexiest nightie."  
  
"What?" Jaden exclaimed, and her loud, gruff voice echoed throughout the corridors of Frieza's ship.  
  
Reccoom laughed. "That's right, Jaden! If I win, Zarbon has to wear Chestra's clothes when he goes to be Vegeta's flunky for a whole month!"  
  
Jaden looked at both Reccoom and Vegeta strangely. "Let me get this straight: you two are going through with this, so that poor Zarbon has to dress in drag for a month?"  
  
"And be my personal servant," Vegeta told her with a smirk.  
  
Jaden shook her head and sighed. "You two are never going to pull this off," she told them, picking at her teeth with a claw. "There is no way that Nappa and Raditz are going to declare Reccoom Miss Frieza, or Mr. Frieza, or whatever…"  
  
"They will, if I tell them to," Vegeta told her.  
  
"So you plan to fix the contest? Frieza won't like that at all. You better watch your step, Vegeta. I think that your men would rather have their tails removed (and I'm talking about the ones in front) before they would pick Reccoom the winner."  
  
"What if you're wrong, Jaden?" Vegeta dared his former trainer.  
  
Jaden snorted. "Tell you what, Vegeta; if you can pull this off and get Reccoom declared Miss Frieza, I'll put in a recommendation for you to get into Top Elite." Jaden and Reccoom were already in Top Elite. "And I'm sure that I probably can talk Chestra into recommending you as well, though I don't know how well that'll go with Zarbon…"  
  
Vegeta grinned then. He would like that very much, even if it meant that he would have to see that hated lizard leader more often than he would like. It was the prestige and respect of a Top Elite officer that mattered. Right now, Vegeta was only Mid-Elite, one level below Top Elite. But there was one problem…  
  
"What about a third recommendation?" Vegeta inquired. "It takes three Top Elite Officers or a single order from Frieza to get an official recommendation for an officer to make Top Elite. I could ask Diamonique, I suppose, but then I probably would have to sleep with her, and I'm not stooping that low."  
  
Jaden laughed. Diamonique had been Vegeta's first woman, and the deadly Gemstarian beauty had been pursuing Vegeta ever since their breakup some time back. Diamonique was determined to make Vegeta her mate, her husband, and Vegeta had repeatedly told her to leave him alone. Vegeta didn't want Diamonique because she slept around with other men, and he didn't like her personality, although she was good in bed. It was rumored that Diamonique had either ordered the deaths of or killed off the last two women that Vegeta had bedded.  
  
The Rybanese warrior smirked. "That won't be necessary, Vegeta. Dodoria will get you the third recommendation."  
  
Vegeta snorted. "Why? In case you haven't noticed, Jaden, Dodoria and I are not exactly the best of friends."  
  
Jaden wasn't fazed. "Doesn't matter. Dodoria will do it for me."  
  
"Why? He doesn't like you anymore than he likes me."  
  
"Oh, I know," Jaden said casually. "But once I go to him about it, he'll tear down his beloved Frieza shrine, if I ask him to."  
  
"And what would make him so agreeable to recommend me for Top Elite?"  
  
Jaden chuckled. "What if I told you that I have a tape of him secretly mooning Coola on Coola's last birthday, and I was thinking about sending it to Frieza's dear brother himself…"  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
A/N: So Reccoom is in, but Vegeta still has a long road ahead of him to get Reccoom declared Miss Frieza. As for our illustrious judges, Nappa and Raditz, Coola and King Cold have them abducted in the next chapter in order to force the two hapless Saiyans to vote for Snowflake or Karilyn. How will Nappa and Raditz react? Will they get away from Coola and King Cold alive when Coola gets a hold of Nappa and King Cold gets a hold of Raditz? 


	5. Chapter Four: Blackmail

Chapter Four: Blackmail  
  
Late at night, after everyone went to bed…  
  
Vegeta and Nappa shared a room in the semi-luxurious Mid-Elite suites of Frieza's ship. Vegeta was still in Reccoom's room in the Top Elite section, conspiring with his huge contestant on how to make Reccoom as presentable a candidate for Miss Frieza as possible. Not knowing that Reccoom was to enter the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest, Nappa was sleeping peacefully.  
  
The bald, bulky Saiyan was dreaming of him and Eclipse on a tropical island on one of Frieza's vacation planets. Eclipse was wearing a skimpy, see-through bikini, and she was just now untying the top…  
  
"Oh, yeah, sweetheart. Take it off for Nappa. That bikini's too itchy to wear anyway. That's my little girl…show Nappa what you've been hiding…"  
  
Eclipse was smiling, as she let the bikini top fall from her bountiful bosom, and she sashayed over to her mate, who was dressed only in a furry loincloth. She then held up a damp, white cloth that smelled strangely of chloroform and shoved it into his face.  
  
"What the hell-"  
  
Nappa awoke abruptly then to find Sauzaa holding the familiar-smelling cloth over his nose. Nappa was shocked, then angered, and then he tried to hit Sauzaa's face, but Doore abruptly hit Nappa hard in his head. The large Saiyan fell unconscious almost immediately, but Sauzaa applied the chloroform to his face anyway to be on the safe side.  
  
"Doore! Neiz! Pick up Nappa and carry him away immediately," Sauzaa ordered. "Lord Coola is getting impatient for him."  
  
"How will we get past Frieza's other soldiers?" Neiz inquired.  
  
"And where is the Saiyan Raditz?" Doore added.  
  
"Lord Coola says to just get Nappa for now. Lord Coola is on this ship going to greet his brother at this very moment. We're to quietly (and I mean quietly) smuggle Nappa off of this ship and onto Lord Coola's nearby mother ship. Hurry up, men, and let's get him into that huge sack we brought for him."  
  
They began to drag Nappa off of the bottom bunk, and Doore huffed, "This fool weighs a megaton!"  
  
"You're pretty close to that yourself," Neiz quipped.  
  
"Why, you little brown-"  
  
"Quiet!" Sauzaa snapped at them. "Do you want to wake Nappa's comrades up and have them rushing in after us? Lord Frieza's soldiers aren't exactly fond of us, you know."  
  
"They ain't fond of monkeys either," Neiz grumbled.  
  
"True, Neiz, true. But anyone who works for Lord Frieza will side with a Saiyan before they will side with anyone who works for Lord Coola. Let's just get him out of here before we're caught."  
  
And with much groaning, grumbling, and straining of muscles, the three members of Coola's Armored Squadron slowly shoved Nappa's unconscious form into a heavy body bag.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Somewhere in space…  
  
Raditz hated that he had been sent to clear a planet almost immediately after he had been selected to be a judge for the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest. And on top of it all, it had to be a planet that had life forms with ki's weaker than a mouse, no true challenge for a warrior of his strength and power. It had taken less than a day for Raditz to clear planet Hui, with the most intelligent forms of life being high-bouncing snakes only a foot wide. They couldn't even speak, and Raditz was able to kill one just by shooting a small ki blast. The Hui bouncing snakes, however, contained the deadliest venom in that part of the galaxy, and Raditz had been sent to destroy them because, being a Saiyan, he was naturally immune to their poison. His arms and legs were covered with snakebites, but other than that, he had suffered no real harm.  
  
Now Raditz was on his way back to Frieza's mother ship, and he could see the spacecraft from the window in his space pod. He also saw Coola's mother ship close to Frieza's, and he sighed heavily. Like Frieza and Frieza's other soldiers, Raditz hated it whenever Coola and his army came to visit Frieza and his minions.  
  
Yes, it was true that Coola was stronger than Frieza, and that many of Coola's soldiers were as strong, or stronger, than many of Frieza's soldiers, but did Coola and his army have to lord it over Frieza and his warriors every time? Raditz, like most of Frieza's soldiers, despised Coola more than Frieza. Coola and his subordinates looked down their noses at Frieza and his minions, mocking them for being supposedly weaker and less intelligent. Raditz and his comrades under Frieza especially hated the members of Coola's Armored Squadron, that powerful trio of self-satisfied, egotistical, prancing fools who considered themselves to be better than anyone else in either Coola's or Frieza's armies. And next to Coola, Head Commander Sauzaa, was the most detested of them all; Sauzaa was the Zarbon of Coola's army, only much more powerful, something that Zarbon himself hated.  
  
Suddenly, another saucer-shaped mother ship flew close to Coola's mother ship. Unlike the ships of Coola and Frieza, this one was double the size and trimmed in gold and silver, bearing the royal seal of the Cold Empire.   
  
Raditz gulped. Terrific. Now Frieza's giant daddy had shown up. He hated it when Frieza's birthday came around, even if he was selected to be a judge for Frieza's beauty contest. Too many uninvited and unwanted guests.  
  
A door on King Cold's ship opened, and Raditz then saw a small, triangular ship fly towards him from King Cold's mother ship, and he knew this kind of spacecraft to belong almost exclusively to King Cold's personal army. The ship was three times the size of a space pod, and a small, green tracking beam shot through a hole near the front of the ship.   
  
Before Raditz could escape, the tracking beam seized his pod in its path and easily dragged it towards the larger ship. Raditz did everything he could with the controls and engines, but it was to no avail. He was captured, without even a chance to escape or fight.   
  
Raditz gnashed his strong Saiyan teeth, as his pod was being dragged closer to the ship. The bastards capturing him would pay, King Cold's soldiers or not.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Eight hours later, Coola's mother ship…  
  
Nappa yawned, and he reached his huge hand to his neck to scratch it, but a warm, strong band of brassy metal prevented him from doing so. He growled ferociously when he realized that he was now wearing a ki-restraining collar.  
  
"I'm going to kill those son-of-a-bitc-"  
  
"Calm down," a seductive, feminine voice purred.  
  
Nappa looked up agitatedly into the lovely snow-white humanoid face of a young woman, dressed richly in a scoop-necked, sleeveless strawberry-pink silk dress with a gold belt. The lady had a humanoid face, but with horse-like ears on the top of her head, and a catlike body. She had a mane of shining silver hair flowing around her, a horse-like tail to match, and a pair of pale pink eyes. The only thing un-catlike about her body was her humanoid-like large bosom and perky, round bottom.  
  
Nappa stared at her for a long time, admiring her curves. He would have tried to make a move on her, had he not had his own mate, his little Eclipse…  
  
"See something you like?" the lass cooed in a rich, velvety voice.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I think that I do…very much I like…yes…" Nappa panted, just as he finally began to notice his surroundings. He was sitting in a gold chair with purple velvet cushions at the end of a long table with delicious-smelling food from various planets on it. The bald Saiyan realized that he was in a dining room of sorts, a dining room of an important person.  
  
The young woman traced Nappa's chin with a slender, white finger, purring, "You're the handsomest Saiyan that I've ever seen. I don't know what my master, Lord Coola, wants with you, but you should feel honored. Not everyone is always welcome to dine with my master."  
  
Nappa snarled, "I don't consider it an honor to be chloroformed and brought here against my will!"  
  
"But you weren't harmed other than that," the feline/equine/humanoid female laughed merrily. "Just relax and enjoy yourself to a good feast when my master comes. Until you feast your mouth and hands on the meal, you can feast your eyes on me."  
  
"I'd be glad to," Nappa chuckled, relaxing somewhat. "You're a cute thing, and if I didn't already have a bonded mate…"  
  
"You'd try to take my woman?" an icy, steely voice cut off the Saiyan's words.  
  
"Why, Lord Coola!" the woman squealed in surprise.  
  
"Why, Karilyn, I see you arrived before me," Coola told her, coming up behind Nappa and seizing the woman by her wrist. He wrapped his arms and tail around her and gave her a long, possessive kiss on her lips.   
  
Karilyn laughed and batted Coola playfully. "Oh, master!"  
  
Coola gave her another kiss, and stroked her tail lightly with his fingers. "Now go, little one, so that I may discuss some…personal business…with my guest. I'll see some of the leftovers are sent to your room. He swatted her backside lovingly with his tail, as a laughing Karilyn danced out of the dining room.  
  
"You're a lucky man," Nappa dared to comment.  
  
"I am, aren't I?" Coola said in an unusually warm tone. "If she works out and continues to satisfy me, I may just make her my wife. Actually, she is exactly what I wanted to speak to you about."  
  
"Really?" Nappa asked.  
  
"Yes." Within minutes, Coola was sitting at the end of his dining room table. "Nappa, what do you think of my Karilyn?"  
  
"She's a beaut."  
  
"Good enough to please any man gazing upon her?"  
  
"Definitely!"  
  
"Beautiful?"  
  
"Without a doubt."  
  
"Beautiful enough to win my brother's beauty contest and be declared Miss Frieza?"  
  
Nappa laughed nervously. "Well, I'd have to view the other contestants, but she does have a good chance, I have to admit."  
  
Coola smiled, saying contemplatively, "A good chance? Well, my dear Saiyan, could it better than a good chance?"  
  
"There's other ladies, you know, Lord Coola, sire, but she'd be a good pick. Of course, there are ladies still entering, and…"  
  
"And what?" Coola asked sharply.  
  
"Raditz and I have to consider all of the contestants, that's all."  
  
Coola smiled again, but Nappa could detect the hint of malice in that smile. Coola said calmly, "Now Nappa, does it really matter to you and Raditz so much who wins that silly beauty contest of my brother's?"  
  
"What do you mean?" Nappa asked, puzzled.  
  
"Do I have to spell it out for you?" Coola hissed, the smile gone. "My Karilyn is entering the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest. Normally, I wouldn't like the idea of her parading herself around in front of you and the other oversexed men in Frieza's plebeian army, but she has her heart set on it, and as she's my favorite concubine…well, I'd hate to have that heart broken."  
  
"What are you saying?" Nappa asked slowly.  
  
Coola growled, "Are you that dense? I want you and Raditz to pick Karilyn as Miss Frieza. It's as simple as that. If Karilyn's happy, then I'm happy, and you and your longhaired friend will get to live."  
  
"But that's not fair, Lord Coola," Nappa protested. "You see, there are other girls and women and-"  
  
"Life is hardly ever fair, my bald friend. But it will be this time to my Karilyn. I want her to win. You and Nappa will see that happens. And if she doesn't win…" Coola made a cutting motion across his neck with his index finger.   
  
Nappa understood then. He wasn't always the smartest pureblooded Saiyan alive, but he knew a threat when he saw one.  
  
"Do we agree then, Nappa? Karilyn will be declared Miss Frieza on my brother's birthday, no questions asked, hmm? You want you and Raditz to live, don't you? So that you two can continue to enjoy your women, as I enjoy my Karilyn?"  
  
Nappa nodded slowly. Only a fool would dare to defy Coola. Not even Frieza would be able to protect him and Raditz, should Coola try to destroy them.  
  
"Good. I'm glad that we understand each other. Now enjoy the feast that I've prepared for us, and when we're done, I'll see you safely back to my brother's ship. Go on and fill your plate; I know that you're hungry."  
  
Nappa reluctantly arose and began loading his plate, but he didn't have much appetite for the scrumptious food that was on the table. He only ate two platefuls when it normally would have been six or seven.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
At about the same time…  
  
Raditz, on the other hand, was thoroughly enjoying his meal. Once he had been brought aboard King Cold's mother ship, he had been treated like an important guest. Brutu, King Cold's Head Commander, had brought Raditz to this small, but lavishly decorated dining room, where numerous servants had brought the longhaired Saiyan any food available that his heart desired. Raditz had already eaten through three courses of fish, meat, poultry, and now he was finally on dessert, eating a giant berry pie, made from one of his favorite interplanetary fruits.  
  
At last, he was satiated, and he was lounging back in the platinum chair, tipping the chair on its legs, as the ground shook, as if a giant hand was shaking the ship. King Cold entered the dining room majestically, followed by a lovely humanoid girl with long, lavender hair. Raditz couldn't take his obsidian eyes off of the young lady, as she smiled sweetly at him. The female kissed King Cold's hand, and he ruffled her hair and waved her off, telling her that he would see her later.  
  
Finally King Cold sat down in the huge chair on the other end of his private dining room table, as he smiled benevolently at Raditz, who wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.  
  
"So," King Cold began without preamble. "What do you think of her?"  
  
"She's gorgeous!" Raditz admitted brightly. "Is she your concubine?"  
  
King Cold boomed angrily, "No, you fool! She's my DAUGHTER!"  
  
Raditz gulped, embarrassed-and fearful for his life.  
  
"And a beauty your daughter is too," he said quickly, trying to save himself.  
  
"I agree," King Cold told him happily. "I totally agree." He took a sip from a huge wine glass. "How beautiful is she?"  
  
"Beautiful enough to please any man."  
  
"Good. Then there should be no problems."   
  
"Problems with what?"  
  
"With you and my little Snowflake."  
  
Raditz gulped and started to sweat heavily. As the sweat drops cascaded down his face, he laughed anxiously. "Why, Your Majesty, whatever you do you mean?"  
  
"Simple. You are going to make Snowflake a very happy young lady. Her birthday is only a week after Frieza's, you know."  
  
"No," Raditz said shakily. "I didn't know. But happy birthday to her in advance."  
  
"Thank you; I'll see that gets passed on to her. Now Raditz, do you think that you could make her happy?"  
  
Raditz gulped, gathering what nerve he had left. He had to phrase his next words carefully, or he wouldn't make it to his next meal. "Um…Your Majesty, Snowflake is…"  
  
"That's Lady Snowflake to you!"  
  
"Um, Lady Snowflake…is a very beautiful lady-"  
  
"That she is!"  
  
"But I can't take her, King Cold, I am sorry. I already have a mate, a bonded mate, and I'm sure that you've heard of the Saiyan bond."  
  
"WHAT?" King Cold roared.  
  
Raditz said quickly, "Any man would be lucky to have Lady Snowflake for his woman, but Saiyans don't normally take other women once they have a bonded mate. My mate, Princess Journa, who is Prince Vegeta's sister, is very good to me, but she can summon her brother's temper at will-"  
  
King Cold glowered down at Raditz from his enormous height. "What on Ice are you thinking, you fool?"  
  
Raditz said as solemnly as possible, "That you wanted me to take your daughter for my mate."  
  
"NOT IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD I LET THAT HAPPEN!" King Cold snarled. "I don't want my daughter mated to one of your kind!"  
  
"Then-then what do you want, Your Majesty?" Raditz, certain that his life was about to end, asked.  
  
"I don't want you to take my daughter as your mate, you fool! I want you and that friend of yours…Nappa is his name, I believe…to give my daughter the best birthday present ever."  
  
"And that would be…"  
  
"The title of Miss Frieza," King Cold said confidently, with a serene smile.  
  
"Well, she certainly does have a good chance," Raditz told the Icein king. "But of course, Nappa and I would have to view the other contestants-"  
  
"Of course you may view them," King Cold said calmly. "But you two will pick Snowflake as the winner."  
  
"Your Majesty, if Nappa and I feel honestly that she deserves to win, we will do that, but there are other women and girls entering-"  
  
"SHE WILL WIN, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? Especially, if you and Nappa wish to have your bodies left intact, so that you may go on doing whatever it is that Saiyan men do with their women."  
  
Raditz was about to retort that "whatever" was called "mating", just like with any other species, but he wisely kept his mouth shut.  
  
"Well, Raditz? Who will win the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest?"  
  
"Snow-I mean Lady Snowflake," Raditz answered reluctantly. He was deeply ashamed of himself for being so weak at this moment. No true Saiyan would ever tolerate being bullied. He felt shame for himself and deep anger with King Cold. Had King Cold and his ilk no sense of honor? Or pride?  
  
"Very good; I knew that you and I would come to a mutual understanding," King Cold said sweetly. "Now go on and finish your food, Raditz, and I will see that you and Nappa are rewarded once my Snowflake wins. I do reward those who please me."  
  
Raditz hated to think of what happened to those people who didn't please the Icein king.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The Elite Lounge And Bar, Frieza's mother ship…  
  
Vegeta was eating by himself in a booth, wondering when Raditz would return from his mission and when Nappa would eventually meet him for dinner, as he had promised earlier. Vegeta had already finished off six steaks, seven appetizers, and he was now on his third dessert.   
  
He was blissfully licking a sweet substance that was similar to ice cream off of his lips when a buxom Gemstarian woman boldly slid into the seat across from him. Even, in her armor and cape (which only Top Elite Officers were allowed to wear), she was exquisite to look at with her tall, curvy body, her large melon-like breasts, peach-blue skin, and ice-blue-and-silver pageboy haircut, but none of that mattered to the Saiyan prince. Vegeta growled irritably; of all the women to sit at his booth, why did it have to be HER?  
  
"Hello, Vegeta," Diamonique purred, tracing the smooth wooden surface of the table seductively with one slim finger that displayed a blue diamond nail. All of her nails were made out of diamond, but those sparkling treasures were tainted with one of the universe's deadliest poisons. Only a handful of races in the universe were naturally immune to her poison; anyone else had to have special injections to protect themselves in case she scratched them, whether by purpose or by accident.   
  
Vegeta grunted a greeting, as Diamonique reached across the table and daringly took his hand into hers. Vegeta coldly yanked his hand away.  
  
"Oh, come on, Vegeta! I don't always bite!" Diamonique laughed.  
  
"Leave me alone," Vegeta told her icily. "Shouldn't you be looking for one of your boy-toys?"  
  
"Not today…but if you were to claim me as your own permanently, I wouldn't need any more paramours, my prince," Diamonique spoke sweetly, looking deeply into his obsidian eyes with her own black diamond ones (the irises were thin layers of actual black diamond).  
  
"I will never claim you, Diamonique," Vegeta replied in a voice that could freeze a sun. "Yes, you gave me great pleasure during our time together, but that will never be again. You want more than what I am willing to give you, and I do not care for women who spread their legs so easily."  
  
"Oh, really!" Diamonique snapped angrily, but then she decided to modify her tone. "Well, I'm afraid, my prince, that I can't blame you for not wanting me anymore."  
  
"Then why bother me?"  
  
"Because I could help you get into Top Elite. I heard Jaden talking to Chestra…about possibly the two of them signing a recommendation for you to be approved by Lord Frieza. All it requires is one more signature…and that could come from me."  
  
"Why would I be that desperate for your signature?"  
  
"Because, my prince, you need a third signature…everyone knows that. And I could give it…on one condition, of course," Diamonique replied, her tone speaking volumes.  
  
Vegeta snarled, "I'm not sleeping with you, if that's what you're implying!"  
  
Diamonique laughed merrily. "No, Vegeta, even I wouldn't stoop that low. It shocks me that you would think that. If I didn't care for you so much, I wouldn't stand for that kind of insult."  
  
"But you would lay for it, wouldn't you?" Vegeta quipped, smirking. He chuckled at seeing Diamonique's face color furiously. He expected her to throw her drink in his face at any moment.  
  
But instead, Diamonique only smiled serenely, although Vegeta could see the deadly storm brewing in her jewel irises. Diamonique said in a sugary tone that was only slightly tinged with fury, "Now Vegeta, there's no need for insults. My request is very simple, really. I would sign the recommendation for you to get into Top Elite, and all you would have to do is…hmm, well how should I put this…"  
  
"If it requires sexual favors, the answer is no."  
  
"Nothing to do with sex this time, prince. All I want you to do is order Nappa and Raditz to declare me Miss Frieza when I enter."  
  
Vegeta burst into contemptuous laughter. "You are so funny, Diamonique! So very funny! I'm sorry, woman, but I am already sponsoring a candidate myself. I'm sure you've heard by now that Reccoom is entering."  
  
"Oh, of course," Diamonique said airily, carefully concealing her fury at Vegeta mocking her. "But Reccoom will never win, you and I both know that. Nappa and Raditz would sooner chop off their tails than select someone like Reccoom for the winner. I'm the better choice, prince; admit it. I can easily get you out of that stupid bet you have going with Zarbon; yes, I've heard of that too. I can get you into Top Elite, but Reccoom can only get you into the title of the biggest laughingstock in Frieza's army."  
  
"The answer is no," Vegeta told her stubbornly.  
  
"Now, Vegeta," Diamonique told him condescendingly, as if he were merely a naughty little boy who had refused to clean his room. "Think about it very carefully before you refuse me entirely."  
  
"I already have. Now may I get back to my meal? You're spoiling my appetite!"  
  
"Oh, poor you!" Diamonique huffed. "So there's no chance at all of changing your mind?"  
  
"Absolutely not."  
  
"Fine then!" Diamonique hissed. "Then I will see that you'll never get into Top Elite! Goodbye, Vegeta! I swear that I will never speak to you again!"  
  
Vegeta laughed. "Can I get that promise in writing?"  
  
Diamonique angrily seized her goblet and arose from the table, storming away. Vegeta chuckled at seeing her leave. He watched her out of the corner of his eye, as she stormed over to Zarbon, who was at the bar talking to Tipsy, the head bartender and the manager of the Elite Lounge And Bar.  
  
He turned his attention back to his meal. Zarbon would likely give Diamonique the brush-off as soon as she opened her mouth; Zarbon wasn't any fonder of Diamonique than Vegeta was.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Zarbon, may I have a word with you?" Diamonique inquired amiably.  
  
"About what?" Zarbon asked her coolly. He only tolerated Diamonique and cared little for her, especially since she had tried to kill his beloved Chestra twice.  
  
"Are you and Vegeta still having that bet going on?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
Diamonique smiled confidently, as she leaned towards Zarbon. "Because I can help insure that Reccoom will never win the beauty contest…if you allow me?"  
  
Zarbon's expression was unreadable, as he contemplated her offer. 


	6. Chapter Five: Nowhere To Turn

Chapter Five: Nowhere To Turn  
  
Frieza's office…  
  
"And you wish to enter my contest?" Frieza asked the beautiful humanoid woman smoothly. For the past hour, the cruel despot had been openly drooling over the latest beauty pageant contestant. She had introduced herself as Cypress, a Mid-Elite soldier from King Cold's army. She was a tall, shapely humanoid woman with wavy, flaming scarlet hair, lavender eyes, honey-brown skin, and long, long legs; the only non-humanoid feature she possessed was a long, scarlet, fluffy tail similar to that of a Persian cat.  
  
"That I do, Lord Frieza, sire," Cypress crooned sweetly, and Frieza nearly melted. "So, would you say I qualify?"  
  
"Oh, definitely!" Frieza exclaimed. "Without a doubt. I'll give you the forms." He serenely handed Cypress the forms while covertly staring at her chest, which was somewhat restrained by her armor.  
  
"Thank you, Lord Frieza," Cypress told him with a fetching smile. "I'm looking forward to entering," she added coyly.  
  
"And I'm looking forward to seeing you there, my dear. I will personally cheer you on," Frieza promised her, as he casually drew his finger along the smooth surface of his table seductively.  
  
He was making tentative plans to try to seduce Cypress when a knock rapped on his metal sliding door. "Yes?" he bellowed impatiently.  
  
"It's Vegeta. You summoned me to be debriefed on the last planetary purging mission I had completed."  
  
Frieza sighed, "Come in." He would have preferred to insist that Vegeta come back later, but business always had to come first-even with a gorgeous potential conquest in front of him.  
When Vegeta was allowed to enter, his pointed jaw dropped the moment he laid his eyes on Cypress. A wicked, sexy smile raided his handsome face, as he forgot all about informing Frieza about his last purging mission and sauntered breezily over to the newcomer. Cypress was a good foot and a half taller than he was, but he didn't let that stop him. His tail swished delightedly, as he anticipated on just how he would "get better acquainted" with this new female.  
  
"Hello, beautiful," Vegeta purred, as he leisurely looked her and her perfect body over. "I believe I've never seen you here before."  
  
"Hello, yourself, handsome," Cypress cooed. "I believe I have heard of you, even though we've never met. You're Prince Vegeta, am I correct?"  
  
"You are good!" Vegeta chuckled. "And may I ask who you are?"  
  
She gave him her name was a seductive smile and a low, husky tone. Vegeta was more enamored than ever.  
  
"Are you entering Lord Frieza's contest?" Vegeta asked.  
  
"Absolutely!" Cypress enthused.  
  
"Well, I'd like to sponsor you, my dear, but unfortunately, I already have a contestant that I convinced to enter, but I will at least be cheering for you to win first runner-up."  
  
"I'll try not to disappoint you then, Prince," Cypress replied with a soft, gentle laugh. Vegeta chuckled, long and low and deep.  
  
Meanwhile, Frieza was furious over this flirtatious exchange between his new lust interest and the Saiyan prince. How dare Vegeta become interested in a woman that Frieza was planning to seduce? His expression hard, he narrowed his eyes at Vegeta and said coldly, "Vegeta, aren't you supposed to be informing me about the completed planet Lexic mission?"  
  
Vegeta said daringly, "Surely, that could wait until later, couldn't it? I think that I should show Cypress around."  
  
"No, I don't think so," Frieza snapped. He turned to Cypress, softening his expression, "My dear Cypress, Vegeta and I have some things to discuss in private, so I'm afraid I will have to ask you to leave for now. I would like to contact you sometime; perhaps you could give me your scouter number?"  
  
Cypress replied, "I'm afraid that my scouter isn't working at this time, but I will see you around. Since King Cold will be here for a while, I'll stop by to visit before the contest. By the way, have a Happy Birthday in advance, sire."  
  
"Why thank you!" Frieza gushed, and Vegeta openly gagged at the sight. But he cleared his throat, and he strolled over to Cypress, who was heading out the door. He levitated up to her ear and whispered his scouter number into it.  
  
Cypress said sweetly, "Thank you, Prince. I wouldn't mind seeing you again as well. Goodbye now." And she left.  
  
After Cypress was gone, Frieza told Vegeta icily, "Let's get one thing straight, Vegeta: I have my eyes on Cypress, and I have plans for her."  
  
"Planning to fix the contest so that she'll win?" Vegeta taunted.  
  
"No, Vegeta, believe it or not, even I have my principles. No, I am planning on getting to know her a bit more intimately-and I don't like competition for my women! Understand?"  
  
Vegeta said mockingly, "And what would make you think that an exquisite creature such as Cypress would want you when she could have a handsome royal stud such as myself?"  
  
Frieza snarled, "You're pushing it, Vegeta! Cypress is mine, is that clear? You can easily find another young thing to bed, but I saw Cypress first!"  
  
"Whatever you say," Vegeta told Frieza casually. Of course, the Saiyan prince had no intention of honoring that particular demand of his sire; Frieza's interest in Cypress surely wouldn't last for long, and if Vegeta did have his way with the lovely soldier of King Cold's…what Frieza didn't know wouldn't hurt him.   
  
As he mindlessly told Frieza about the planet Lexic mission, Vegeta's mind wandered to his fantasies on just how to "conquer" Cypress.   
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Several hours later…  
  
A giant man lurked along the corridors of the ship, wearing a huge, thick brown cloak that covered most of his face. He slid surreptitiously along the smooth, metal walls, as if he were hiding-which he was.  
  
He reached a water fountain, and since his scouter picked up no ki signals, he decided that it was safe to take a quick drink. The quick drink, however, turned into an attempt to drink all the water that the fountain could give him. Taking long, luxurious slurps, he drank greedily as two young women, Low Levels, strolled past him.  
  
The twin girls each resembled blue foxes with three pale green eyes apiece, but they had very humanoid-like feminine hourglass figures. One girl said to her sister, "Ocean, have you seen Raditz or Nappa around?"  
  
"Nope, Sky, I can't say that I have," the other young lady said despondently. "I was hoping to give them our photos."  
  
"So was I," Ocean sighed. "I was told that Raditz and Nappa hung around in this section regularly, so that's why I suggested that we come here."  
  
"I just know they are going to choose me for the winner! I would excel in the talent portion with the way that I can dance and sing."  
  
"You!" Ocean scoffed. "My one-act play is going to steal the show-and the hearts of those hunky Saiyans!"  
  
"Well we have to find them first," Sky snapped. "And then we can let them see us." She then tapped the shoulder of the hooded man drinking out of the water fountain. "Excuse me, sir. Have you seen any Saiyans around here lately?"  
  
"No," a high-pitched, obviously falsetto, squeaky voice croaked. "Can't say that I have, no Saiyans here. Why would you want them anyway?"  
  
"So we can meet them! And introduce ourselves, so our chances of winning the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest will increase!" Ocean gushed.  
  
"Beauty contests are…very overrated, yes that's it. You ladies should find better ways to occupy your time other than entering a silly beauty contest. Why not go clear a planet or two…it can be very therapeutic. If I were you two, I would forget about entering."  
  
"And just why should we?" Sky fumed indignantly. "We're just as beautiful as those other girls entering!"  
  
"Yes, you ladies are," continued the falsetto feminine voice. "But beauty contests are shallow…all those oversexed, crazed, hormone-driven men panting after your bodies…"  
  
"That's the best part!" Ocean cooed.  
  
"No it's not," the squeaky female voice told her. "You ladies deserve better than that. So don't enter the contest, pretty please! Listen to me and find something else better to do!"  
  
"Is there a reason that you don't want us to enter?" Sky asked coolly.  
  
"You can enter, but I wouldn't recommend it, no, no!" the high-pitched voice squeaked. "Now you two pretty things run along, so I can finish my drink!"  
  
"Okay, fine, whatever," Sky huffed. But before she and Ocean could leave, they noticed a long, furry monkeylike tail poking out from under the cloak.  
  
"A monkey tail?" Ocean wondered.  
  
"No," Sky said, and a big smile spread across her face. "It's a Saiyan tail! Ocean, we found a Saiyan trying to hide from us!" And triumphantly, Sky yanked the cloak off to reveal an embarrassed Nappa.  
  
"NAPPA!" the girls squealed in delight.  
  
"Sorry, ladies, but I have to go!" Nappa cried, as he pushed past the two women. But Sky and Ocean were as fast as he was, if not as strong. The two desperate twins clung to Nappa's arms.  
  
"Let go of me!" he ordered.  
  
"But Nappa, we want you!"  
  
"Yes, Nappa, now tell us…who do you think is prettier? My sister, Ocean, or me, the exquisitely ravishing Sky!"  
  
"Sorry ladies, you'll have to wait like everyone else!" Nappa cried out, as he tried to pry the girls off of his limbs.  
  
"Please tell us!" Ocean begged.  
  
"Umm…why don't you ladies ask Raditz instead? He's just right around the corner. He's a better judge of beauty than I am-bye!"  
  
And with one hard shake, Nappa flung the girls off of him, and before Ocean and Sky could determine whether or not Nappa was telling the truth, Nappa was around the corner, out of their sight.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
"WE WANT RADITZ! WE WANT RADITZ! WE WANT RADITZ!"  
  
"No you don't, no you don't," Raditz groaned, as he leaned against the door of the men's restroom, trying desperately to keep a mob of crazed young women from breaking it down and coming in after him. The ladies were pushing and shoving at the door in order to get to their Saiyan judge.  
  
"Excuse me, ladies," a shrill, feminine voice squeaked. "I am the repairperson, and I must fix a toilet in here, so you ladies will have to move out of the way!"  
  
"But we want Raditz!" a girl screamed.  
  
"Too bad, ladies. Now let me by-thank you!"  
  
"Tell Raditz to come out!" another female soldier ordered.  
  
"Will do, now let me pass."  
  
Raditz was afraid to open the door, but several demanding knocks from the repairperson failed to cease, so the Saiyan reluctantly opened the door. And to his everlasting relief, Nappa rushed in!  
  
Both Saiyans wasted no time in sitting against the door of the men's room to keep the crowd of potential beauty contest entrants from coming. Nappa panted with relief. "You don't know how glad I am to see you! Women haven't been able to keep their hands off of me!"  
  
"Same here," Raditz groaned. "And I remember a time when I used to think that would actually be flattering."  
  
"Listen, Raditz," Nappa sighed. "We have a problem."  
  
"Tell me about it," Raditz replied. "There's something that I have to tell you."  
  
"Same here."  
  
"You first."  
  
"Well, Raditz, the beauty contest is going to have to be fixed."  
  
"Why?" Raditz demanded to know, as he nervously listened to the girls screaming out his and Nappa's names.  
  
"I was abducted yesterday and taken to Coola," Nappa told him.  
  
"Coola! Oh, Kami, Nappa, and you're still alive to tell about it?"  
  
"Yeah, barely. I give the lizard credit though; he does know how to feed guests. But that's not why he had his Armored Squadron bring me to him."  
  
"Then what is it?"  
  
Nappa sighed, "Raditz, we have to declare Coola's little mistress, Karilyn, the winner at the contest, or we'll lose our balls-literally!"  
  
"Karilyn?"  
  
"Yeah, Coola seems to be crazy about her-crazy enough to force us to declare her Miss Frieza."  
  
Raditz crossed his arms and looked at Nappa contemptuously. "Nappa, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, giving in to a lizard-freak like Coola! What kind of Elitist Saiyan are you, to be intimidated by Frieza's ugly older brother?"  
  
"Not much of one," Nappa admitted. "But I'd rather keep my balls-and the other equipment that comes with them."  
  
"Well, Nappa, you'd be a fool, if you let yourself be forced to vote for Coola's new favorite whore. We must withstand Coola's threats and pick a contestant that is truly worthy of winning! Saiyans are not cowards to be stepped on or kicked around, right?"  
  
Nappa felt braver. "Right! Of course!"  
  
"And we must stick it to Coola, and let him know that we can find a girl who deserves to win, on her own merit!"  
  
"Yeah! I agree, Raditz!"  
  
"We will pick a candidate of our own choosing, no matter how much Coola pressures us!"  
  
"That's right! Coola can kiss my tail!"  
  
"That's the spirit, Nappa! So we agree that we won't pick this Karilyn just 'cause Coola says so?"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Good for you," Raditz told him triumphantly. "We will not be pressured into voting for Karilyn."  
  
"That's right."  
  
"Instead we will be pressured into voting for Lady Snowflake, King Cold's daughter."  
  
"You bet we will-hey wait a minute!" Nappa seethed. "You're saying that we have to vote for Lady Snowflake?"  
  
Raditz nodded, grinning sheepishly. "That's right, Nappa. Lady Snowflake is the best choice to win Miss Frieza, so let's just go with her."  
  
Nappa flung himself onto Raditz and seized him by his throat. "Do you mean to tell me, Raditz, that King Cold blackmailed you into voting for his daughter, Coola and Frieza's little sister?"  
  
Raditz chuckled nervously. "Umm…yeah, something like that."  
  
"Then you're no better than I am! How dare you put me down for giving into blackmail when you've done the same thing?"  
  
"Because I don't want to wind up dead, that's why!"  
  
"Well, I'm not voting for Lady Snowflake!"  
  
"And I'm not voting for Karilyn!"  
  
"So, what in the hell are we suppose to do then?"  
  
"I don't know, but I'm not voting for Karilyn."  
  
"And I'm not voting for Lady Snowflake."  
  
"Well, I'm not having Coola strip me of my balls!"  
  
"And I'm not having King Cold strip me of my life!"  
  
"And I'm not-" But Nappa was interrupted by the sound of angry pounding on the door.  
  
"Raditz, Nappa, open this door immediately! I have to go!" Vegeta's voice hissed.  
  
"Tell Raditz and Nappa to come out!" a girl's voice ordered Vegeta.  
  
Vegeta was heard snarling at her. "Are you girls that desperate to get to my men that you can't even let them relieve themselves in peace? Now go away and leave us alone before Frieza ends up with a few less women in his army!"  
  
"You wouldn't!" a foolish female cried.  
  
The sound of a ki ball forming was heard, and the girls cried out, "Please, we're going, Prince Vegeta, don't hurt us!"  
  
"Get away now!" Vegeta hissed at them.  
  
"We are, we are!" the frightened young women screamed, as their frantic footsteps were heard running further and further away. Only when they were certain that the women had fled did Raditz and Nappa open the door and let Vegeta in.  
  
"You two are pathetic, hiding from women who only hold one quarter of your strength," Vegeta mocked. "My, my, I'm starting to think that maybe you two aren't the Saiyans that I thought you were."  
  
Nappa chuckled. "You're probably right, Prince, you're probably right."  
  
"Thanks, Vegeta," Raditz dared to say.  
  
Vegeta snorted, as he began to head for a stall. But before he could reach it, Nappa caught his arm. "Vegeta, Raditz and I have to talk to you about something."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Well, we're sort of in trouble…"  
  
"Why am I not surprised? Continue."  
  
"Okay, Vegeta," Raditz told him. "You see, yesterday, King Cold had me abducted, and Coola had Nappa abducted. And basically they blackmailed us. If we don't vote for Karilyn, Coola's new favorite, we're in for it. And if we don't vote for Lady Snowflake, Frieza's little sister, we're in for it then too."  
  
"Hmm…" Vegeta said thoughtfully.  
  
"So what do we do, Vegeta?" Nappa asked.  
  
"That's easy," Vegeta told them. "Choose neither girl."  
  
"WHAT?" both Nappa and Raditz exclaimed.  
  
"You two are not going to vote for Karilyn, and you two are not going to vote for Lady Snowflake."  
  
"Coola and King Cold don't make idle threats," Raditz pointed out.  
  
"Yes, I know," Vegeta told him calmly. "But if you don't vote for the girls, what good would it do for King Cold and Coola to do anything? If you two are that worried about it, you can have them put as runner-ups. I doubt the two girls mentioned even know what King Cold and Coola have planned for them, so they would likely be happy with being runner-ups. And besides Frieza wouldn't want anyone intervening with his precious beauty contest, especially his own annoying kin. So you two men pick whom you feel is best."  
  
"Thanks, Vegeta," Nappa said, relieved. "Raditz and I do feel better now."  
  
"Now we just have to decide whom we feel is best," Raditz added.  
  
"Why that's easy," Vegeta told them casually. "You two men will not vote for Karilyn."  
  
"Yeah!" both men confirmed happily.  
  
"And you will not vote for Lady Snowflake."  
  
"That's right!" Raditz declared.  
  
"Instead, you two will vote for Reccoom."  
  
"WHAT?" both men yelled and nearly fell over.  
  
"That's right," Vegeta affirmed. "You two will vote for Reccoom. I am entering him in the beauty contest, and I want him to win."  
  
"Vegeta, have you lost your mind?" Nappa exclaimed.  
  
"Yeah, Vegeta, you have to be kidding, right?" Raditz asked. "I mean, come on, Reccoom is a man. Men can't enter!"  
  
Vegeta smirked. "There are no rules saying that men cannot enter the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest. And I have a bet going with Zarbon, a bet that I intend to win. Reccoom will become the first Mister Miss Frieza. Is that clear, gentlemen?"  
  
"But Vegeta-" Nappa began.  
  
"But nothing, Nappa. Reccoom will win, right?" Nappa and Raditz were silent until Vegeta gave them his deadliest glare. "RIGHT?"  
  
"Right," Vegeta's two men said unenthusiastically.  
  
"Good," Vegeta told them. "Now, if you two will excuse me, I would like to relieve myself." And with that, Vegeta entered a stall to do his business. As he was doing so, Raditz and Nappa snuck out.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
"Great," Nappa muttered after leaving the men's room. "Now what are we going to do?"  
  
"Right now…I'm trying to think who will give us the quickest death," Raditz replied.  
  
"What if we were to withdraw as judges?" Nappa asked.  
  
"Hmm…" Raditz said thoughtfully. "Not a bad idea. But, Nappa, just who would be foolish enough to want to take our places?"  
  
At this point, Hectar and Rectaurus, the two perverted, yet powerful Sistrai Top Elite officers came strolling down the hall in the direction of the men's room. Hectar was bragging to Rectaurus about a possibly nonexistent sexual conquest with a female Elite soldier. Raditz and Nappa shook their heads in disgust; they both mutually agreed that the Sistrai men had in Vegeta's words, "more dick than brain".  
  
"Normally, I don't think much of those two monkeys, Raditz and Nappa," Rectaurus was saying to Hectar, "but I'd sure would love to be in their shoes right about now…judging all those beauties."  
  
"Yeah, me too," Hectar replied, drooling.  
  
"There's gotta be a way to switch with those monkeys; there's just gotta be," Rectaurus groaned.  
  
Usually, Raditz and Nappa would have been furious over being called "monkeys", but this time the two Saiyans grinned evilly at each other.  
  
"Hey, Hectar and Rectaurus!" Nappa shouted warmly to the Sistrai men. "Raditz and I have a little proposition for you…"  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Zarbon's office…  
  
"And you are certain this is going to work, Diamonique?"   
  
Diamonique leaned back luxuriously in the chair across from Zarbon, who was sitting at his desk. "I'm positive, Zarbon, darling, absolutely positive. Once I do this, Reccoom will definitely be out of the contest, and I guarantee you personally that once Reccoom's out of the running, Vegeta will be wearing Journa's nightie every time he serves you breakfast."  
  
"I thought you had a thing for Vegeta," Zarbon commented. "Exactly why would you agree to go against him?"  
  
"To teach Vegeta a lesson in manners," Diamonique cooed. She then held up a small pink jar with a white lid on top. "This is the best skin cream available on planet Gemstar. I plan to give this to Reccoom."  
  
"And why are you telling me this? How is a new beauty treatment going to put Reccoom out of commission?"  
  
Diamonique laughed merrily, running a finger along the flawless perfection of her face. "Because, dear Zarbon, in this cream, I put a special herbal chemical in it…one that's guaranteed to give any humanoid who uses it a nasty, blistering rash…one that will last for a month. Naturally, Reccoom's chances of winning will be greatly reduced, and so, he'll have to drop out…and Vegeta will lose that silly bet you gentlemen have."  
  
Zarbon chuckled. "I'll admit, Diamonique, you did think of everything…except on how to deliver the cream to Reccoom."  
  
"Oh, I'll have my dear cousin, Eclipse, deliver it. She uses the cream regularly, and I'll suggest that she give this jar to Reccoom. Eclipse won't be the wiser when she brings it to Reccoom. And by the time, Reccoom figures out it was the cream that gave him the rash, it won't trace back to us."  
  
"But that will implicate Eclipse, wouldn't it?"   
  
"Not necessary, Zarbon. Eclipse will honestly be able to say that she didn't know."  
  
"Hmm…" Zarbon commented thoughtfully. "I feel sort of guilty for what I'm allowing here, Diamonique."  
  
"So? You and I both know that Vegeta will demand that Nappa and Raditz pick Reccoom as the winner, so if we didn't do this, Reccoom would win, and you'd be forced to be Vegeta's servant boy in drag for a month. Let's not caught it cheating…let's call it…taking precautions."  
  
"Very well, Diamonique, as long as this scheme doesn't get back to us."  
  
"I promise you, it won't. The fallout of this will be…unforgettable." 


	7. Chapter Six: Dashed Hopes And Ruined Pla...

Chapter Six: Dashed Hopes And Ruined Plans  
  
"Eclipse, darling, would you do me a favor?"  
  
"I would like to, Diamonique, but I'm on my way to see Nappa."  
  
"I know you are, my dear, but I would like to know, if you'd be willing to drop off a gift to Reccoom, from me, on your way to Nappa's room."  
  
"Sure!" Eclipse happily told her, as Diamonique handed her the jar of facial cream. Eclipse looked at it skeptically. "Diamonique, what would Reccoom want with facial cream?"  
  
"To help improve his skin and increase his chances of winning, of course!" Diamonique laughed merrily. "After all, even I can be generous to my competitors every now and then. Tell him it's a goodwill gift from an admirer."  
  
"O…kay," Eclipse said uncertainly, surprised that her normally self-centered cousin could be so generous.  
  
"Just deliver it to him, would you please? And don't say it was from me, okay?"  
  
"No…problem, I think," Eclipse said hesitantly.  
  
Diamonique gaily kissed her cousin on her cheek. "You're a sweetheart, Eclipse, and don't worry…I promise that Reccoom won't ever forget this present."  
  
"Whatever you say, Diamonique."  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Frieza was happily strolling along the smooth, cold metal corridors of his ship, swishing his ribbed tail back and forth. He was anticipating his birthday, which was to be due within the coming week. Jaden, Zarbon and Dodoria were walking behind him, for Frieza had invited the three Top Elite Officers to dine with him in his dining room. But first Frieza wanted to pick up a bottle of one of his favorite rare wines from Tipsy, the bartender of the Elite Lounge And Bar. Tipsy was supposed to be keeping the special drink in a small metal, ice-filled tub behind his bar.  
  
But as the trio entered the Bar, four jaws dropped at a shocking sight. A gaggle of attractive young women of various races were clustered together, and two of them were waitresses eagerly hurrying to bring huge crystal mugs of frothy, golden beer.  
  
"What is going here?"  
  
Jaden sighed, "Probably the girls trying to woo Nappa and Raditz again. They've been chasing those two all week."  
  
"Those monkeys are lucky," Dodoria said enviously. "What I wouldn't give to be in their places!"  
  
"You and ninety-nine percent of the heterosexual males in the army," Zarbon quipped.  
  
Frieza chuckled. "Perhaps I should have allowed more judges, eh?"  
  
"I'd be more than happy to volunteer at this point, sire," Dodoria piped up. "Especially, if you were to-" He abruptly stopped when Zarbon shook his head to warn him not to suggest that Frieza enter his own beauty contest. Fortunately for the normally dense Dodoria, he got the message and said nothing further.  
  
"No, thank you, Dodoria. Raditz and Nappa will do just nicely on their own," Frieza replied. "Ah, finally something useful for those two to do other than clear planets! It should be interesting whom they pick for winners. I can't wait to see-"  
  
He was interrupted when a young feminine voice squeaked, "Oh, Hectar, you are so incredibly handsome!"  
  
"Thanks, babe," came Hectar's gruff, sly reply.  
  
Another female asked, "Hectar, what do you think of my chances of winning the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest?"  
  
Hectar said wickedly, "Tell you what, beautiful. Come to my room tonight, and I'll happily let you know after you and I get better acquainted."  
  
"Love to!" Hectar's new conquest replied.  
  
Rectaurus added, "And any ladies who wish to increase their chances of winning the beauty contest are welcome to come to my room after midnight…and I'll let you babes know what my brother and I look for in a beauty pageant contestant." A chorus of happily consenting replies followed his offer.  
  
Jaden's sensitive Rybanese hearing picked up every word. "What the hell?" she muttered. "Those two idiots are talking like they are the contest judges, instead of Nappa and Raditz."  
  
"What are those pulling now?" Zarbon wanted to know.  
  
Frieza sighed, "I don't know, but I'm about to find out." He shouted, "Hectar! Rectaurus, come here immediately!"  
  
Hectar and Rectaurus hastily dashed forward to their sire. The orange-skinned Hectar grinned nervously and asked, "Yes, sire?"  
  
"What's going on here?" Frieza demanded to know.  
  
The yellow-skinned Rectaurus didn't answer at first, as four young ladies of assorted species suddenly cuddled up against him. A woman who resembled a green lizard with long, red hair offered to give him a massage in her room later, something that Rectaurus gladly agreed to. Several other women wrapped their arms around Hectar's waist, nuzzling him and cooing to him how wonderful he was.  
  
With their jaws dangling, Frieza, Zarbon, Dodoria, and Jaden looked at the women and at the Sistrai brothers suspiciously. Most of the time, women ran or flew the other way whenever the perverted, lust-crazed Hectar or Rectaurus or both approached any of them. And only a minority of women would actually touch those two Sistrai men voluntarily; the majority of the women stayed as far away from them as possible.  
  
Jaden was the first to recover from the shock. "Why are you ladies all of a sudden interested in Hectar and Rectaurus? Normally, those two have to pay or force a woman to come near them. What's going on?"  
  
Neither Hectar nor Rectaurus liked Jaden any more than she liked them, because she was Rybanese and the former archenemy of their deceased brother, Balair. They glared at her hatefully, and then Hectar replied nastily, "These women like us; they think we're the greatest things since Frieza's dental plan for his soldiers. You have a problem with it, Jadie, you can go to hell!"  
  
"Yeah!" Rectaurus chimed.  
  
"I'll be glad to go to hell," Jaden quipped. "As long as I can take you two morons with me, so that I can have someone to torture for all of eternity."  
  
"Bring it on then, wench!" Hectar ordered.  
  
"Gladly, Sistrai!"  
  
"ENOUGH!" Frieza hissed. He whirled onto Hectar and Rectaurus. "Just what do you two think you're doing?"  
  
"Carryin' out our new duties," Rectaurus replied proudly. "And these beautiful ladies are helping us."  
  
"And just what new duties were you two assigned?" Frieza demanded to know.  
  
Hectar chuckled. "Why being your beauty contest judges, of course!"  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Eclipse ran into Reccoom, who was prancing merrily down the hallway, on his way to the Elite Lounge And Bar. "Oh, there you are!" she said breathlessly. "Good, you saved me a trip! This is a present for you…from an admirer!"  
  
"Really?" Reccoom asked excitedly. "Who is it?"  
  
"She told me not to tell you," Eclipse told him. "But she said that it was a goodwill gift. Enjoy! And make sure you read the directions before you use it! Bye now! Nappa's waiting for me! It's good cream; I have a jar of it myself!" And with that, Eclipse pushed the jar into Reccoom's large hands and hurried away.  
  
Reccoom tried to look at the directions, but they were written in the Gemstarian language, instead of Standard. "Eclipse, wait! I can't read Gemstarian! Come back!" But Eclipse was already gone.  
  
Reccoom looked at the jar concernedly, trying to figure out just what to do with this strange product when he saw a picture of a happy Gemstarian pink-haired young lady spreading a buttery substance onto a bagel. The picture was meant to show how radiant the lass looked because of the cream's effects, but Reccoom derived an entirely different meaning from it.  
  
"That's it! I'm supposed to eat this stuff!" he declared, as he opened up the jar. He dipped his finger inside and licked the peach-colored cream off of it.   
  
"Delicious! Yummy! Tastes like butter and cheese!" Reccoom crowed. "I know what I'm going to do! I'm going to go find me some bagels and spread this stuff on! Yeah, what a great snack idea! I'm going to thank who ever gave Eclipse this to give to me!"  
  
And with that, Reccoom trotted off to find someone who had bagels available for him to use his new product on.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
"SINCE WHEN ARE YOU TWO THE BEAUTY CONTEST JUDGES?" Frieza shouted at his Sistrai soldiers.  
  
"That's what I'd like to know!" Jaden added.  
  
"Who gave you two the authority to become the new judges?" Zarbon asked sternly.  
  
"Actually, no one really," Hectar admitted, casually stroking the plump buttocks of a cute humanoid waitress who would normally not even want him to look in her direction, let alone allow him to touch her. "Nappa and Raditz decided to give up their positions as beauty contest judges, saying that Rectaurus and I were the ones who truly deserved the honors of judging all the beauties!"  
  
"Yeah, who ever thought monkeys could be so smart?" Rectaurus said breezily, licking his lips with his long, lizard-like tongue.   
  
"Or so dumb," Hectar asked with a chuckle. "Those two monkeys were fools to give up being judges, but their losses are our gains! We've been chased by gorgeous ladies all day, and it's great!"  
  
"Yeah, every babe's agreed to go to bed with us!" Rectaurus cried excitedly.  
  
Frieza crossed his thin, corrugated arms, as he narrowed his eyes at his two Sistrai Top Elite officers. "And why didn't anyone bother asking me about this?" His freezing glare wiped the grins off of their faces.  
  
"We-We didn't think you'd mind," Hectar replied worriedly.  
  
"What's the big deal anyway?" Rectaurus added.  
  
"Because Nappa and Raditz dared to shirk their honored duties! And because I didn't give them permission to drop out as judges!" Frieza fumed.  
  
"Well, don't worry about it, sire. We'll gladly remain in their places," Hectar declared.  
  
"Yeah, I'm lookin' forward to beddin'-er, I mean, judgin' all those women!" Rectaurus crowed.  
  
"Well, we'd like to talk more, sire, we really would, but…we gotta get back to our…duties as judges," Hectar told Frieza casually. He turned on his tail, but Frieza seized his arm. Frieza glared at the women clinging to Hectar and Rectaurus.  
  
"I want all of you ladies to leave us immediately," he ordered. None of the desperate females opposed them, and they all meekly left, but not before a few of them blew kisses to the two Sistrai warriors. Frieza cast his evil eye upon them once more.  
  
"Did I say that you and Rectaurus could remain judges?" Frieza asked harshly to Hectar.  
  
"Um, well, no, sire, but-"  
  
"But nothing! Did Nappa and Raditz actually say why they wanted to quit being judges?"  
  
"Not exactly, sire, just said that me and Rec were more worthy."  
  
"I know one thing," Rectaurus added. "We sure ain't pickin' Reccoom! We's gonna pick a woman to be our winner"  
  
"May the best woman win!" Dodoria hooted, raising his fist.  
  
Ignoring Dodoria, Jaden said sardonically to the two Sistrai judges, "No offense, boys, but the contest is supposed to be based on how beautiful and talented a woman is, not on how willingly she is to let the judges screw her before the competition."  
  
"For your information, Jadie," Rectaurus retorted smartly, "We do have higher standards than that!"  
  
"Really?" Jaden asked skeptically. "So you two are actually judging those women fairly, according to the contest guidelines?"  
  
"'Course we are, Rybanese," Rectaurus declared. "We're followin' the guidelines, but we're not judging them on just how good they look in their clothes. Our standards are much higher than that."  
  
"Interesting," Zarbon noted with a small smile, as he crossed his handsome arms. "I'm almost impressed. I guess we misunderstood you two."  
  
"That you did, Zarbon, that you did," Rectaurus said proudly. "We're not only judgin' them on how good they look with their clothes ON, but we're also judgin' them on how good they look with their clothes OFF."  
  
"That's right!" Hectar cheered, patting his brother's back. "And part of the talent portion won't be seen by the audience 'cause that's private."  
  
Jaden asked suspiciously, "And why is that?"  
  
"For your info, Jadie," Rectaurus told her arrogantly. "Even we're not allowin' an audience when the ladies show off how good they are in bed!"  
  
"'Course we can always make tapes to show to the audience…yeah, that would work!" Hectar said boldly.  
  
Jaden and Zarbon fell over backwards, and the entire Bar shook when the heavy body of Jaden crashed into the marble floor. Frieza drew a small hand over his face, debating on whether to kill Hectar and Rectaurus on the spot. Dodoria carefully hid his laughter-and his approval of his friends' ideas.  
  
Frieza hissed angrily at the two Sistrai, "I'm having a beauty contest, not a porno show, you fools! You two are not judging and making MY contest a circus to display your fantasies! I am reinstating Nappa and Raditz; consider yourselves fired."  
  
"But-but, sire, this has been our lifelong dream-to judge a beauty contest!" Hectar protested.  
  
Pushing herself off of the floor, Jaden remarked, "No, Hectar, your and Rectaurus's lifelong dream was to produce a documentary of the Ginyu Girls undressing and showering-and you two clowns did that six months ago. Of course, Nappa and the Ginyu Force actually teamed up together and sent you guys to the regen tanks for two weeks, especially when Nappa and Ginyu found out that Eclipse was in the film, but you two at least got to view your finished product before Frieza ordered your distributor and marketing friends executed for daring to mass-produce your work. As far as I know, he also had all the copies destroyed. Costly dream, eh, boys?" And with a quick yank of Zarbon's arm, she had Zarbon on his feet in no time.  
  
Hectar and Rectaurus cut their eyes at her. Of course, she would have to bring that up!  
  
"You two are not judging," Frieza told the two Sistrai men icily. He turned to Jaden, who was brushing herself off. "Jaden, I want you to find Nappa and Raditz and inform them they are the judges once more. And that nothing short of death will keep them from not being judges! And tell them that my decision is binding until the contest is over!"  
  
"Yes, sire," Jaden told him.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Vegeta and Nappa's room…  
  
"Ah, yeah, I declare Eclipse this year's winner of the Miss Nappa Beauty Contest! Good job, babe, good job!"  
  
"Why thank you, judge!" Eclipse giggled prettily, as she seductively danced up to him and nestled herself into his lap. Nappa chuckled, as she rested herself against his bare chest.   
Nappa was dressed only in his trousers, and Eclipse was wearing a delicate, sheer, turquoise teddy with spaghetti straps and fine lace. The garment barely covered her breasts, and Nappa openly and delightfully peered down into the enticingly, dark valley of her generous cleavage.  
  
Eclipse ran a slim finger along Nappa's mustache, as her lips melded with his. She rubbed against him gently, as she performed a sensual lap dance for him.  
  
"I must thank you for picking me as the winner," she cooed.  
  
"You're welcome, baby, you're welcome. Now it's time for the judge to give this year's winner her prize!" Nappa told his mate wickedly with a devilish grin. He scooped Eclipse in his arms and laid her down on the bed. He then nestled himself on top of her and wrapped his large, muscled arms and his long, plush tail around her trim, lithe body.   
  
Eclipse embraced him around his thick neck, as she enfolded her long, shapely legs around his waist, pulling him further down upon her. She always enjoyed the pleasantness of his heavy weight upon her soft, supple body. She planted loving, affectionate kisses all along his face.  
  
Before Nappa returned her kisses, he sang croakily off-key, "Here she is, Miss Nappa! The finest, most gorgeous woman that I've ever seen! She is beautiful…talented…wonderful…and all mine!"  
  
Eclipse giggled again before joining her lips with her mate. As their kiss deepened, Nappa casually traced the bite mark on her neck that he had inflicted as part of their bond. She was his, and only his!  
  
"This is the only beauty contest that I'd rather be judging!" Nappa declared after allowing himself to come up for air. "And you're the only contestant that I'd ever pick!"  
  
Eclipse smiled, tracing his lips with her fingertip. "Are you sure that you don't regret turning your judgeship over to Hectar and Rectaurus?"  
  
"Nah! Not a bit, babe, not a bit. Raditz and I just decided that judging beauty contests was not for us. Let those Sistrai fools deal with the bunch of women begging them to pick them for Miss Frieza! Not me! And I am ever glad that's over with! Now I can have some peace, and more time with you, beautiful."  
  
"That I have no objection to," Eclipse purred sweetly, kissing his lips again, as she caressed his smooth, bald head with her expert fingers. She then began nibbling on his right ear lobe.  
  
"I love you, Nappa," she whispered in his ear.  
  
"I know, babe, I know. Trust me when I say that you're the only woman that I want for the rest of my life, the only female for me," Nappa murmured into her neck. He began kissing her neck, as he held her closer. He knew that Eclipse wished that he could say that he loved her, but those words were harder to say for him and most other Saiyan men than "I'm not hungry" or "I surrender". Love was not often a word that any pureblooded Saiyan used, let alone he. The closest that Nappa had ever come to declaring his caring for his mate was saying that he would be willing to be faithful to her and to die for her.  
  
It had taken the huge Saiyan a while to get used to someone telling him that she loved him on a regular basis. No one had ever said "I love you" to him before Eclipse, and it was something that he was still getting used to hearing. The first few times she had told him, it had made him uncomfortable, but he was adjusted to her open declarations of affection by now. Perhaps someday, he might actually be able to return her words. But even so, words were just words, and it was actions that counted. And Nappa was definitely more a man of action than a man of words. He just hoped that Eclipse realized how much he did truly care for her, even though he couldn't quite express it in the way that she may have preferred, except through their mating.  
  
Eclipse longingly embraced his neck tighter, while her free hand gently petted the base of his tail. She lovingly stroked the furry appendage, as Nappa released a deep, contented purr. With unusual tenderness on his part, Nappa lifted himself from his mate and slowly pushed up her teddy, intending to undress her. He allowed Eclipse to sit up, so that she could allow him better access.  
  
But before Nappa could remove his mate's delicate garment, a loud bang interrupted their lovemaking. "Nappa, unlock this door immediately!" Vegeta's voice roared.  
  
A disgruntled Nappa muttered a few Saiyan curses under his breath, as he gently released Eclipse's clothing. His disappointed mate smoothed down her negligee, and Nappa reluctantly let her arise.   
  
"Just a minute!" he shouted, allowing time for his mate to slip into her lacy, aqua robe that matched her teddy. When she had sufficiently covered herself, Nappa arose to go to the door to press the button that would unlock the sliding metal door.  
  
"Took you long enough," Vegeta said curtly, as he walked into the room. "You and I need to talk immediately. Raditz and I will also have this discussion when I track him and my sister down; couldn't find them in Journa's room."  
  
"Umm…can't we talk later?" Nappa asked in a tone that belied both hope and annoyance. "Eclipse and I haven't had much time alone lately."  
  
"Eclipse will have to wait. In fact, she is to leave-now."  
  
Nappa sighed, looking at his mate. Eclipse nodded with understanding, knowing how Prince Vegeta was. "I'll see you later, Nappa," she told him softly, slipping past Vegeta to leave. But she did blow him a kiss behind the Saiyan Prince's back before disappearing down the corridor. Nappa gave a rare, wistful smile, after she left.  
  
"Sorry to interrupt your fun," Vegeta told him stiffly, not meaning it much. "But I have heard a rumor about you and Raditz that has greatly displeased me."  
  
Nappa laughed nervously, holding up his huge hands. "Look, Prince, if it's about that food fight that Raditz and I were involved in last week in the Elite Lounge And Bar, I told you before that Dodoria started it!"  
  
Vegeta glowered at his partner. "That's not what I'm talking about! I heard that you and Raditz are no longer beauty contest judges!"  
  
"That's right!" Nappa declared, crossing his arms. "Raditz and I decided that beauty contests are not for us! Let Hectar and Rectaurus be the ones to deal with our dilemmas! Raditz and I are through!"  
  
"Do you realize what this means for me?" Vegeta snapped. "It means that Reccoom is going to lose, and that I'm going to have wait on Zarbon hand and foot, dressed in my sister's nightwear! I was counting on you two to declare Reccoom the winner, and you two betray me by dropping out as judges!"  
  
"Prince, you don't understand-"  
  
"Oh, I understand! I understand your fear of Coola and King Cold, but I told you two not to worry about that! I told you to pick Reccoom as the winner! Now, we have to fix this mess that you and Raditz helped create! You two will help me ensure that Reccoom wins, because if I have to be Zarbon's flunky, you two will be joining me, both of you dressed in drag, just like me! And I don't think, Nappa, that you can fit into Eclipse's clothing!"  
  
Nappa chuckled. "Nope, Vegeta, that would be a stretch! But how are we going to pull it off?"  
  
"I have to think, but Reccoom will win, no matter what! I will not be humiliated! And furthermore, I-"  
  
A knock on the bedroom door interrupted him.   
  
"Who is it?" Vegeta demanded to know.  
  
"It's me, Raditz. Got to talk to Nappa!"  
  
"What's up, Raditz?" Nappa asked before Vegeta could speak again.  
  
"Bad news, Nappa, Jaden just paid me a visit. Special message from Frieza: our plan didn't work. We still have to judge the contest."  
  
Crossing his arms, Vegeta smiled triumphantly, as Nappa and Raditz, on opposite sides of the door, began to mentally make out their wills. Both Saiyan judges were determined to couple with their mates for one last time before their deaths.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Jaden had just returned from Journa's room, where Journa and Raditz had been spending some time alone together, and she saw Reccoom coming her way, delightedly scooping out facial cream with a plastic spoon that he had procured from a snack bar. He was gobbling the substance away, spoonful after spoonful.  
  
"Hey, Jade!" Reccoom yelled. "Want to taste this great new spread that Eclipse gave me that someone gave her! I tried to find bagels to put it on, but the snack bar was closed, so I just grabbed a spoon off of their counter to eat it out of the jar. I'm sure it tastes great either way!"  
  
"What the hell is that stuff?" Jaden wanted to know.  
  
"Some spread, but it tastes great, just like butter and cheese!" Reccoom declared. "When Eclipse gave it to me, I didn't know what it was for, but when I saw the picture of the pretty Gemstarian lady eating it, I knew then that it was for putting it on bagels. But no one around here has any bagels, so I just decided to eat it out of the jar. Tastes great! Try some!"  
  
Jaden hesitantly dipped a finger into the jar of cream and cautiously licked it off the tip of her finger. "Mmm…this is pretty good. Let me see that jar."  
  
"Sure."  
  
Jaden studied the jar-and her yellow eyes widened in horror, for she recognized the product. She couldn't read the Gemstarian language on it any more than Reccoom could, but she had seen Chestra with a similar jar a month ago, using it generously. She gagged and spat out the cream she had just eaten.  
  
"Reccoom, you dumbbutt! You're supposed to put this stuff on your face, not in your mouth! You made me eat facial cream! Chestra told me this stuff's supposed to exfoliate your skin, whatever the hell that means. Anyway, the stuff's not edible."  
  
"It tasted like it to me," Reccoom protested. "It's the best spread I've ever had."  
  
"Yeah, I know. I got tricked too, but I don't think either one of us better eat any more. I'll take it from you before you forget. You better get to the infirmary to make sure no permanent damage is done. I'll dispose of this immediately."  
  
"Uh, thanks, Jade, I 'preciate it. I sure would have looked dumb, eating face cream," Reccoom said brightly, as he handed Jaden the jar.  
  
"Trust me, Reccoom, when I say you don't need to eat face cream to make yourself look dumb."  
  
Her remark went totally over Reccoom's head. The not overly bright red-haired giant thought that his Rybanese colleague was paying him a compliment. He grinned. "Thanks, Jade!"  
  
Jaden sighed, deciding not to try to explain her "compliment". "Just make sure you haven't poisoned yourself, alright?"  
  
"Whatever ya say!"  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Jaden sniffed the contents of the facial cream, as she headed towards Frieza's dining room. Too bad it wasn't edible; the stuff had tasted good. Perhaps she could send a message to the manufacturers suggesting they make an eatable version. Yum!  
  
Before she could leave the Top Elite rooms, she passed by Diamonique's room. The door to Diamonique's bedroom opened and Diamonique stumbled out into the hall, bumping right into Jaden! Normally the Gemstarian wouldn't have been that clumsy, but she was wearing a mud mask on her face and fruit slices on her eyes. She dropped her jar of Gemstarian facial cream-at the same time, Jaden dropped hers!  
  
"Jaden, is that you?" Diamonique wanted to know. "I can't see a thing!"  
  
"Yeah, it is," Jaden replied curtly, brushing herself off. "And what the hell are you doing walking out in the hall with gunk and fruit on your face?"  
  
"It's a new beauty treatment, if you must know," Diamonique told her irritably. "And I was coming out to wait for the maid to bring me a towel, especially since she forgot to stock my room last night. Being beautiful is such hard work!"  
  
"I wouldn't know," Jaden said honestly without sarcasm or regret.  
  
"Of course you wouldn't, but what would you need it for anyway? You don't even date! But then men don't exactly flock to you, do they?"  
  
Jaden growled menacingly, "You want to die young, don't you?" She didn't care much for men and cared even less for dating or mating, but she didn't need someone to rub in her face the fact that she had no current prospects.  
  
Diamonique laughed nervously, thankful for the fruit slices covering her eyes that prevented her from seeing Jaden's fury. She bent down slowly to feel around for the jar of cream that she had dropped. To her relief, her lovely hand touched a jar, and she picked it up. Jaden picked up the other jar off of the floor.  
  
"This is great stuff," Diamonique cooed. "Too bad you're not humanoid, Jaden. This would be great to try on your face."  
  
"I'm sure it would," Jaden told her. "Do they make an edible version of this?"  
  
"Of course not!" Diamonique cried. "That stuff's for your face only!"  
  
"Well, tell your people the next time you go home to make a version that's edible," Jaden ordered, screwing the lid tighter on her jar. "This stuff does taste good. See ya!" And Jaden walked away briskly before Diamonique could say a word.  
  
The Gemstarian warrior huffed, "Is she stupid? She actually ate this cream? She must have hit her head too hard on her last mission, poor woman. Well, her tastes are not my concern, just as long as she doesn't eat my beauty products."  
  
And with that, Diamonique disappeared into her bedroom.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Two hours later…  
  
"AHHH! MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! NO! SOMEBODY HELP ME!"  
  
All of the Top Elites rushed out of the bedrooms at the feminine screams. A terrified Diamonique stumbled into the hallway, covering her face and crying openly.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" Reccoom asked.  
  
"Let me guess: she found a wrinkle," Jaden joked.  
  
"Or a pimple," Chestra added.  
  
"Or a wart," Ginyu said with a grin.  
  
"I'm glad that you fools can find this funny!" Diamonique hissed.  
  
"A wrinkle's not the end of the universe, Diamonique," Jaden remarked.  
  
"Right now, believe it or not, I'd rather have one of those!" the Gemstarian sobbed.  
  
"What's wrong, Diamonique?" Zarbon inquired with boredom.  
  
Slowly, ashamedly, Diamonique uncovered her face, which had once been so lovely, but was now red and splotchy with dozens upon dozens of blisters. Zarbon cried out with horror, and he looked away from her. He and Diamonique knew then and there that their plan had backfired.  
  
The horrified gasps of the other Top Elites greeted the sight of Diamonique's face. "Skin allergy?" Chestra asked with rare sympathy for her archenemy.   
  
Diamonique broke down into tears, crying into her hands. Zarbon flinched inwardly, but he could offer her no comfort. Somehow, Diamonique must have ended up with the skin cream intended for Reccoom. He gulped, especially when he saw how clear Reccoom's face was.  
  
"You-you better go to the infirmary," Zarbon suggested guiltily.  
  
"Was it that stuff you put on your face earlier?" Jaden asked.  
  
"You could…say that," Diamonique choked out before breaking down into tears again. In her anguish was hidden fury. She would get someone for this! Jaden, Eclipse…whoever had done this to her…they would pay!  
  
Bitterly, she knew that she would have to drop out of the beauty contest. What else could she do? Her blisters and rash would not clear up in time for her to win.  
  
She broke into further sobs and ran back into her room, instead of the infirmary.  
  
If she had half of Jaden's wit, she would have said that she had made a "rash" decision. 


	8. Chapter Seven: CuddleChimp, RadishSprout...

Chapter Seven: Cuddle-Chimp, Radish-Sprout, And Pee-Wee  
  
Two days later…  
  
"Vegeta, do I really have to wear this stuff?"  
  
"For the last time, Reccoom, YES! There is the evening gown segment and the swimwear segment, and it is clearly stated in the rules that contestant must wear both an evening gown and a swimsuit!"  
  
"Well, Vegeta, I'm actually okay with that, believe me, but…"  
  
"But what?"  
  
"I'm not sure about these clothes that you picked out for me."  
  
"Reccoom, do you know how hard it is to find an evening gown in a size one-hundred-and-twenty-five wide? It was even harder than that to find a girdle in that same size…I had to bribe Jaden to swipe Dodoria's…so, after the week after the contest is over, I have to take her to this restaurant on planet Ice for that all-the-chili-cheeseburgers-that-you-can-eat special…which will cost me almost half my next pay…she's the only woman I know who can eat more than me."  
  
"Vegeta and Jaden are going on a date!" Reccoom taunted in a singsong voice from his bathroom where he was trying on the clothes that Vegeta had brought for him. "Gee, Vegeta, I always thought you two would make a cute couple! But then, you always did have a thing for older women, didn't ya? First Diamonique, then Jaden…you sure know how to pick them!"  
  
"Did I ask for your opinion?" an embarrassed Vegeta hissed. "I don't recall the request coming forth from my mouth!"   
  
Reccoom ignored him, singing merrily, "Vegeta and Jaden sitting in a tree-F-U-C-"  
  
"RECCOOM, DO YOU WANT TO WIN THIS CONTEST OR NOT?"  
  
"You know I do!"  
  
"Then shut the hell up about my choice of women, or I'll insist that Nappa and Raditz pick another winner! And I won't buy you any more chili cheeseburgers!"  
  
Reccoom was strangely subdued. Normally, Vegeta couldn't have intimidated him, but Reccoom didn't want to lose the beauty contest-and any more of the chili cheeseburgers that Vegeta had been buying him. "Um…sure thing, Vegeta."  
  
Vegeta took several deep breaths; Reccoom was using up the Saiyan prince's limited amount of patience. "Fine, whatever, just come out and let me see what you look like."  
  
"Sure thing, Vegeta, but these clothes do feel awfully tight."  
  
"If a certain Ginyu Force member would cut down on the amount of burgers he consumed, he wouldn't have that problem."  
  
"Which one are you talking about?"  
  
"Never mind! Just come out!"  
  
"O…kay," Reccoom said hesitantly, as he slowly stepped out into his bedroom, where Vegeta was impatiently sitting on Reccoom's emperor-sized bed. Vegeta's pointed jaw dropped the moment he saw his contestant, and his angular eyes bulged out, trying to escape their sockets.  
  
Reccoom chuckled, "Am I that dazzling? Do I look that good?" He twirled around the best that he could in his tight clothes. "These colors suit me, I think; Eclipse told me so at one time."  
  
"Oh, she did, did she?" Vegeta asked exasperatedly, slapping his forehead hard. "And did Eclipse also tell you that you don't wear a swimsuit, a girdle, and an evening gown all at the same time?"  
  
Reccoom blushed, for indeed, he had put on Dodoria's white satin girdle first, then the navy blue, one-piece, swimsuit, and then on top, he had added the black, velvet, lacy evening gown with puffed sleeves. The gown had a plunging neckline, so Vegeta could see the swimsuit, and from the way that Reccoom's figure was suddenly slimmer, he could tell that his contestant was wearing the girdle. He sighed heavily; he had tried to convince Frieza to let Reccoom wear more masculine clothing, but Frieza, who was still annoyed with Vegeta over the Cypress incident, had sweetly replied that if Reccoom wanted to enter the beauty contest, he had to follow the same rules as everyone else. Vegeta was still incensed about that moment.  
  
"So…I'm not supposed to wear any of this stuff at the same time?" Reccoom asked hesitantly.  
  
Vegeta's tail bristled, and his eyes narrowed, and the entire room would shake when he replied:  
  
"OF COURSE NOT!"  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
And an extremely agonizing two hours later…  
  
"Does everyone like my new dress?" a-well-on-his-way-to-being-drunk-soon-Reccoom asked his other Ginyu Force members, Jaden, Chestra, and Tipsy the bartender who were all gathered around the bar in the Elite Lounge And Bar. Dodoria, already inebriated, had been with them before Reccoom and Vegeta had shown up, but he had gone to the men's room after consuming a good number of Crystal Blue Persuasions.  
  
Vegeta was standing in a dark corner, far, far away, where he hoped that no one would notice him. He had desperately tried to talk Reccoom out of not wearing the dress again until the beauty contest (actually Vegeta had demanded it), but Reccoom was adamant on making a complete fool of himself. He thought that perhaps Reccoom was getting a little TOO fond of women's clothing.  
  
"Well…the color suits you," a not-quite-drunk-yet-Jeice replied hesitantly. "And it is a nice dress."  
  
"I've always wanted to dress in drag!" an already-very-much-drunk-Ginyu admitted. "I wish just for once that I could wear pretty clothes and high heels!"  
  
"Umm, Ginyu, didn't you get to pursue that dream seven years ago…remember that year's Biannual Fair And Staff Meeting…does that bet you had with Balair sound familiar? When you two had to dress in drag because neither one of you got to be with Chestra?" an about-to-be-drunk-Jaden pointed out.  
  
"Hehheh, thanks for remindin' me, Jade! Ah, Balair actually wasn't too bad a kisser, either! Ah, Chestra, any regrets about not pickin' me?"  
  
"All that's in the past now, Ginyu," a still-completely-sober-Chestra replied hesitantly.  
Reccoom, now fully drunk, grinned, saying, "Vegeta found this dress for me. He also got Jaden to steal Dodoria's girdle for me. By the way, does everyone know that Jaden and Vegeta are goin' out on a date together after the beauty contest is over?"  
  
Vegeta tore away from his dark corner at that very moment to confront his entrant, and a mortified Jaden was quickly debating on who to annihilate first: Reccoom-or Vegeta!  
  
"Jaden has a boyfriend!" Guido teased.  
  
"And a monkey boyfriend too!" Baata added.  
  
"I knew Jaden sort of…favored…Vegeta, but I didn't think she liked him that much to date him!" Jeice joked.  
  
"The younger the better!" Ginyu yelled delightedly, raising his empty shot glass.  
  
"Guys, come on, that's more than enough," Chestra ordered them sternly, but the intoxicated Ginyu Force members paid her no mind.  
  
"There ain't nothin' wrong with older woman/younger man relationships, ain't there, fellas?" Reccoom jested.  
  
"And no harm with Jaden datin' a monkey!" Jeice declared.  
  
A drunken Dodoria then came back to the bar and without waiting for an invitation, heaved his massive bulk upon onto a bar stool next to Reccoom. He demanded an eighth Crystal Blue Persuasion from Tipsy, who reluctantly, but hurriedly, provided it to him.   
  
Dodoria asked in a garbled voice, "What's this I just heard about Jaden going out on a date? Who'd want to date her?"  
  
"Vegeta!" all the Ginyu Force members chorused. Fortunately, no one mentioned Dodoria's missing girdle.  
  
"He's takin' Jaden out on a dinner date for chili cheeseburgers!" Ginyu added.  
  
"It's not a date!" Jaden shouted, trying to save her face and her reputation. "It's a business arrangement! I fulfilled my end of our deal, now Vegeta has to fulfill his. He's just taking me out for an all-you-can-eat-chili-cheeseburger special on planet Ice."  
  
"Ah, nothing like bondin' over chili cheeseburgers! Vegeta's one clever monkey!" a besotted Baata slurred.   
  
"Bondin!" Dodoria exclaimed. "Next thing we all know, we're going to find a bite mark on Jaden's neck!" He and the inebriated Ginyu Force members laughed loudly.  
  
Jaden roared, baring her claws at Dodoria. "Dodoria, you're going to find claw marks on your neck, if you don't shut the hell up!"  
  
Chestra took her arm quickly. She was the only one out of the Top Elites who dared to ever try to calm down Jaden when she was drunk-and the only one that Jaden wouldn't retaliate against for doing so. Everyone else stayed well out of Jaden's way when she was both angry and intoxicated-which, thankfully, was not a frequent occurrence. A drunken Jaden could be handled (for normally then, Jaden was actually more relaxed), and yes, even an angry Jaden could be handled occasionally, but a drunk-and-furious Jaden was a situation that even Frieza was hesitant to get too near.  
  
"Jaden, come on, it's okay," Chestra said consolingly.  
  
"Look, Jade, we were just kiddin'!" Ginyu said with a nervous smile.  
  
"Yeah, well, I'm not! Vegeta and I are NOT dating, is that clear?"  
  
"Sure thing, Jade, sure thing," Baata said, trying to appease her.  
  
"Take a deep breath, Jaden," Chestra told her friend, and Jaden finally did-and also retracted her claws.  
  
Vegeta glared angrily at Reccoom, who had the good grace to look away and be ashamed. Unfortunately, Dodoria didn't, and he unwisely decided to join in on the earlier teasing by mouthing the words, "Vegeta and Jaden sitting in a tree-F-U-"  
  
Vegeta had flung himself into Dodoria's lap and seized him by his neck. "You want to sing that out loud, blubberbutt!"  
  
Dodoria wasted no time in seizing Vegeta's collar. "You bet I do, Monkey Prince! I know she has no luck with men, but even she can do better than you! Don't know what Jaden sees in you anyway!"  
  
"Well, you're going to see in me your one-way-ticket to hell!" Vegeta threw a hard punch directly into Dodoria's face with his free fist.   
  
"Stop it, you two!" Chestra cried.  
  
"Fight, fight, fight!" the Ginyu Force members cheered, pumping their fists up and down.  
  
"Knock him dead, Vegeta!" Jaden yelled encouragingly.   
  
"Please, Prince Vegeta, Commander Dodoria, there is no need for this!" Tipsy pleaded in vain.  
  
Dodoria retaliated by throwing himself upon Vegeta, but Vegeta dodged his opponent's immense weight in time, and the two men began kicking and punching each other furiously. Vegeta slammed his fist into Dodoria's nose while Dodoria smashed his fist into Vegeta's stomach. Dodoria then kicked Vegeta's feet out from under him, but Vegeta regained his footing before he fell. He then flew into the air and sent himself crashing into Dodoria's blubbery body, knocking him to the floor. For the next ten minutes, the two warriors wrestled and punched and thrashed and kicked at each other.  
  
While Vegeta and Dodoria were warring, the patrons of the Elite Lounge And Bar began taking bets on who would win. At first, most bets were for Dodoria, but as Vegeta continued to hold up well, more and more people started rooting for the Saiyan prince. The shouts for both Dodoria and Vegeta were growing louder and louder.  
  
"Go, Vegeta, strip him of his blubber!"  
  
"Get him, Commander Dodoria, show that monkey who's boss!"  
  
"Knock Blubberballs off of his throne, Vegeta!"  
  
"Commander Dodoria, you're the best!"  
  
"Hell, if he is! That monkey prince is knocking the fat cells out of him!"  
  
"That's a lot of fat cells to knock out!"  
  
"Go, Prince Vegeta!"  
  
"Go, Commander Dodoria!"  
  
"VEGETA, VEGETA!"  
  
"DODORIA, DODORIA!"  
  
"Burn away his fat, Vegeta!" Jaden ordered. "Remember everything I taught you!"  
  
"Put that monkey in his place!" Guido insisted.  
  
By now, Vegeta and Dodoria were bruised and bloody. Vegeta's left eye was swollen, his mouth was bleeding, and his ribs were aching. Dodoria currently had two black eyes, a bloody nose, and bruises all along his bulging arms. Dodoria and Vegeta were now levitating across from each other with their fists clenched, meeting each other eye to eye, even though Vegeta was much shorter.  
  
"Ready to give up yet, monkey?" Dodoria jeered.  
  
"Only when you're in hell with your boyfriend, Balair!" Vegeta replied with an evil smile. "Maybe Ginyu was telling the truth when he said that Balair was a great kisser-you would know about that better than anyone, wouldn't you?"  
  
"YOU'RE GONNA DIE, MONKEY!" Dodoria growled, as he threw his entire weight against Vegeta, knocking him to the floor. But before Vegeta could rise and recover, Dodoria crashed his titanic body into him. Pinning Vegeta beneath him, he taunted, "Tell you what, monkey prince: I'll let you kiss your girlfriend, Jaden, 'fore you perish! You two actually make a good couple-though the thought of Prince Ugly bumpin' uglies with Miss Uglier makes me wanna puke! But then, maybe I should let you live to have the pleasure of screwing Jaden-after all, you're the only one besides my trainer, Sagash, who ever found her worth touchin'. Can understand Jaden's desperation though-after all, even she knows that only a monkey would want to screw an old, revolting, used screw toy like her who-"  
  
His words were cut off with Vegeta's powerful fist crashing into his mouth. The pain was so immense that Dodoria was forced to fall back, and Vegeta used that chance to free a foot and kick Dodoria hard in his metal covered stomach. Vegeta's foot shoved the metal into Dodoria's pudgy abdomen. He quickly rolled out from under his opponent before Dodoria could recapture him. Dodoria then raised the stakes when he fired a small hand blast at Vegeta, which Vegeta easily dodged. Vegeta then shot a hand blast himself straight at Dodoria's face, a blast that temporarily blinded the pink beast. He then used Dodoria's helplessness to shove him to the floor, where he repeatedly punched him in his face.  
  
"Take that, fatso!" Vegeta yelled, hitting Dodoria again and again. "You dare to insult both Jaden and myself, and what we do in our spare time is none of your business! You put Jaden down, but it sounds like to me that you're a little angry because she'd never be willing to be seen in public with you the way she is with me! Jealous, are you, Dodo? Have a little liking for Jaden yourself, perhaps, even though you know she'd never want you?"  
  
"You're gonna die, monkey boy!" Dodoria screamed, and then he took a deep breath, deciding to use a mouth blast on his Saiyan opponent to burn him away. But before he could proceed, he and Vegeta both heard Frieza's angry voice:  
  
"DODORIA AND VEGETA! STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY, OR I'LL DISINTEGRATE YOU BOTH! BREAK IT UP NOW!"  
  
"Aw, don't make 'em stop, sire!" Ginyu protested drunkenly. "The fight was just getting good!"  
  
"Yeah!" Jaden added in a voice between a shout and a slur. "Vegeta's doing you a favor by losing one-hundred-and-eighty ugly tons! All he has to do is ship Dodo off to hell!"  
  
But Dodoria and Vegeta wisely, albeit reluctantly, broke up their fight, and the two men backed away from each other, glaring at each other hatefully. Frieza was glowering at them with his arms crossed.  
  
"I want to see you two in my office-IMMEDIATELY!" he ordered them crossly.  
  
"Yes, sire," Dodoria, ashamed, muttered. He was ashamed of being caught, not because he had fought with Vegeta.  
  
"Whatever you say, Lord Frieza," Vegeta acquiesced sulkily.  
  
Frieza addressed Tipsy directly, "Tipsy, if any of those officers at the bar had had more than four drinks, those officers are to have no more alcohol today, is that clear?"  
  
"Yes, of course, Lord Frieza," Tipsy said in a low tone. Ginyu, Reccoom, and Jaden groaned in disappointment, but Chestra was relieved.  
  
"Dodoria and Vegeta, let's go!" Frieza hissed at his Elite officers.  
  
"Yes, sire," replied two unhappy warriors.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
And yet another two hours later…  
  
Chestra saw Jaden safely to her room and into Jaden's large, soft bed. She tucked her best friend under the covers, as if she were Jaden's mother. Jaden had sobered a bit by then, and she was able to speak more coherently. She made Chestra reiterate the main points of Dodoria and Vegeta's fight to her.  
  
"It was scary, but sweet in a way," Chestra told Jaden with a small smile. "Vegeta actually defended your honor."  
  
"Yeah, he did, didn't he? I do remember that part," Jaden said with a lazy grin. "Never had a man fight for me before. Yeah, it was kind of nice, even though Vegeta did start fighting Dodoria primarily to defend his own name and reputation. Chestra, when you leave, will you send him flowers for me to thank him?"  
  
"Umm…you probably should make your thanks more edible," Chestra suggested to her still somewhat inebriated friend. If Jaden had been fully sober, she would have never proposed sending flowers to anyone, let alone Vegeta; if Chestra carried out Jaden's drunken wish, Jaden would never forgive her for it later. "Something like chocolate or meat…better meat…chocolate or flowers would not help matters for you two any."  
  
"Steaks," Jaden insisted. "Send him lots and lots of steaks in my name."  
  
"Will do," Chestra promised. "Now get some sleep."  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
And yes, yet another two hours later…  
  
Tipsy had hesitantly agreed to let Vegeta and the other Saiyans make use of the Elite Lounge And Bar's kitchen for frying up two dozen frozen steaks that had arrived from Jaden on rush delivery. When Nappa, Raditz, and Journa had asked him why Jaden sent him twenty-four huge steaks, Vegeta had snapped at them, telling them not to question their good fortune and just enjoy the food. His comrades and sister shut up after that, for Jaden had sent some good quality meats.  
  
Eclipse was also with them, and she was helping to prepare and season the steaks. Nappa's tail suggestively caressed her buttocks, as he flipped the steaks that he was frying. His naughty tail then rubbed up and down her body seductively. Even though he knew that he was likely going to die after the beauty contest, Nappa, like Raditz, had decided to enjoy his last days as much as possible.  
  
The tip of Nappa's tail then tickled Eclipse's sensitive stomach. "Stop, cuddle-chimp!" she squealed. "I'm going to drop these steaks, if you keep that doing that!"  
  
"Shhh, Eclipse!" Nappa groaned in embarrassed protest at his mate's special pet name for him. His face turned red when he heard the snickers of three Saiyans behind him.  
  
"Cuddle-chimp?" Raditz mocked.  
  
"Hey, Cuddle-chimp, hurry up with our steaks!" Journa ordered.  
  
"Yeah, Cuddle-chimp, we're starving!" Vegeta insisted with a grin.  
  
"Oops," Eclipse said, looking ashamedly at Nappa. "I'm sorry."  
  
"No problem, Eclipse. What you call me is no worse than what Journa calls Raditz when they're alone."  
  
"Ooh, what does she call him?" Eclipse asked excitedly.  
  
"You don't know what she calls me, Cuddle-chimp, so now finish our steaks!" Raditz yelled.  
  
"Whatever you say, Radish-sprout!" Nappa replied cheerfully.  
  
"Radish-sprout?" Vegeta jeered at Raditz. "That's what my sister calls you?"  
  
Nappa laughed. "Yup! Heard Raditz blurt it out in his sleep during our last mission we were on! Wasn't going to embarrass him with it, but since he insisted on teasing me…ah, what goes around comes around!"  
  
"I'm glad that you and Raditz didn't take it too hard about having to judge the contest again," Eclipse said softly.  
  
Nappa and Raditz grew quiet then. Neither they nor Vegeta had told Journa or Eclipse yet about Coola and King Cold's threats. Vegeta promised them that he would find a way to get them out of the bind they were in with Frieza's relatives, if he had to go to Frieza. And all they had to do was declare Reccoom as the winner of the beauty contest. Nappa and Raditz all too willingly agreed, not caring at this point whom they picked for Miss Frieza.  
  
Suddenly, Eyelet, the purple housefly who was Tipsy's best friend as well as his restaurant employee, flew in and declared in her squeaky voice, "Prince Vegeta? There's a woman named Cypress here to meet you. Said she wanted to talk to you for a few mins."  
  
Vegeta grinned. "I'll be right there." He sauntered away behind Eyelet out to the front of the bar.   
  
When he was safely out of earshot, Eclipse asked, "Okay, so we know Raditz and Nappa's pet names, but does Vegeta have one?"  
  
Journa, Raditz, and Nappa smiled devilishly at each other.  
  
"We'll tell you," Journa said wickedly. "But you can't tell Vegeta you know because he'll have our tails, if you do."  
  
"Secret's safe with me," Eclipse said with a giggle.  
  
Raditz chuckled. "And it's not really a pet name, more like an insult…but a funny one."  
  
"Yeah, and when your cousin, Diamonique, used it for Vegeta, it really got to him. Ever since then, before they both broke up, she would call him…" Nappa whispered it into Eclipse's ear, and Eclipse giggled.  
  
But Nappa's whisper was loud enough for a certain housefly flying nearby to overhear, and she had a hard time trying to keep from laughing, as she flew off to tell Tipsy this new tidbit.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
"So, Cypress, how long do you plan to stay?" Vegeta asked smoothly with his sexy smirk.  
  
"Oh, for not for long. Once, the contest is over, I have to go back to work," Cypress said in her deep, reverberating voice.  
  
"Aw, poor woman," Vegeta crooned. "Well, could we perhaps spend a little time together before you have to go back to King Cold?"  
  
Cypress ran slender fingers through her wavy, ruddy hair. "Oh, I wish I could say yes, Prince Vegeta, but I can't. But perhaps we could meet for drinks before the contest?"  
  
"Sure, why not?" Vegeta replied, keeping his smirk. "Well, you could also join us for some steaks, if you'd like."  
  
"I'd love to, Prince, but I have a prior engagement, I'm afraid. And, if I don't go now, I'll be late, so I have to run. But I'll see you around." Cypress threw Vegeta a melting smile, and Vegeta's head filled with all sorts of ideas on how he could get her alone sometime for at least an hour…in a nice, dark place where no one could bother them.  
  
She leaned over, with her sensual, full lips almost touching Vegeta's ear, and whispered, "Farewell, my prince. You will definitely see me in the contest, so cheer for me, hmm? Even if it's only for first runner-up?"  
  
"Sure thing," Vegeta promised her. "Well, I better get back to my meal. See you later, Cypress. Don't forget about me…as if any woman could!"  
  
Cypress tossed her hair like a filly. Vegeta definitely did not lack on self-confidence. "I won't, Prince, farewell!" And she slid away from the bar and him. Vegeta slowly walked back to the kitchen, and Cypress watched him leave out of the corner of her eye, as she neared the door.  
  
When Vegeta was back in the kitchen, Tipsy and Eyelet came out from behind the bar, and Cypress could hear Eyelet whisper to Tipsy in a giggle, "There went Prince Pee-Wee!"  
  
"Shhh!" Tipsy admonished her, although he himself could not refrain from laughing. "If Prince Vegeta were to find out that we knew Commander Diamonique's insult for him, our lives wouldn't be worth a drop of Crystal Blue! Actually, my friend, I already knew Commander Diamonique had dubbed him that; she blurted it out a while back when she had too much to drink."  
  
Cypress quickly dashed out into the corridor in front of the bar before bursting out into loud, raucous laughter. How could she not have known that fact about Vegeta?  
  
She smiled a smile that held a note of benevolence and a note of mockery when she whispered in the direction of the restaurant kitchen:  
  
"Farewell, Prince Pee-Wee!"  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
A/N: Hehheh, Pee-Wee! *looks around to make sure that Vegeta's not listening* Anyway, the contest is finally coming up, next chapter perhaps. I know that I have better and more popular stories, and that this one's not getting a lot of attention, but I feel like I could almost finish this story the fastest. Actually, it's really only a few chapters away from being completed. And then, once this one's out of the way, I can concentrate more on my other works.  
  
But this story's not too bad! Really, it's not! I do want to thank those of you who have taken the time to read this story, especially, if you've reviewed it or emailed me about it. I do appreciate what attention it's received. But still, please let me know what you think of it, as this story will soon be coming to a close...thanks in advance!  
  
And I do appreciate and thank everyone who has ever reviewed any one of my works, emailed me about them, let me know what they think. =) So a big thank-you to the readers of ALL my works! Every little bit of encouragement helps. 


	9. Chapter Eight: Judgment Day

Chapter Eight: Judgment Day  
  
"Eclipse, just how much longer is this going to take?" Vegeta asked Nappa's mate impatiently, as Eclipse added a few finishing touches to Reccoom's dress. Vegeta had summoned Eclipse, who had a talent for altering clothing and sewing, to come look at Reccoom's clothing for the beauty contest…the contest that was to happen TODAY. Nappa and Raditz had already left for the auditorium, as if they were headed to their own executions.  
  
Wonderful, just wonderful. And with it being Frieza's birthday on top of everything else, this was going to be a very long day. Vegeta just hoped that Raditz and Nappa would follow through on his orders and make Reccoom the winner. He also hoped that Reccoom would be smart enough to keep his mouth shut about the plan until the contest was over.   
  
He also hoped that his fellow Saiyans wouldn't ruin his plans. There was no way he was going to be Zarbon's flunky, especially if he had to wear one of Journa's nightgowns. Just having to wait on that pretty boy was going to be humiliating enough.  
  
Eclipse replied sweetly, "Just a few more minutes, Prince Vegeta. I just have to make sure that Reccoom is not going to trip in this dress. It is a very beautiful dress that you've chosen for him, Prince."  
  
"It should be, as much as my half of the bill cost for it." Reccoom had paid for the other half.  
  
"Don't I look adorable?" Reccoom asked.  
  
Eclipse replied cautiously, "Yes, Reccoom, the color and make does suit you."  
  
"You look passable," Vegeta asserted. "Just make sure you do everything that I told you to do."  
  
"Sure will, Vegeta, sure will!" Reccoom promised happily. "By the way, how are things between you and your girlfriend?"  
  
"Girlfriend?" Vegeta asked suspiciously. "Are you referring to Cypress? She is not my girlfriend, only a prospect."  
  
Reccoom chuckled. "Nah, although I've seen her around, and she is a babe! I meant Jaden, of course! I want all of the details afterwards. And I'll be checking her neck after the date too, to see if it's been left unmarked."  
  
An infuriated Vegeta was about to launch himself at Reccoom when Eclipse spoke out, "No, Prince Vegeta, you'll ruin his dress!"  
  
"Oh, fine!" Vegeta huffed, stopping himself very reluctantly. He glared at his contestant. "Reccoom, remind me to annihilate you later!"  
  
"Sure thing, Vegeta," Reccoom responded cheerfully.  
  
A knock was heard on Vegeta and Nappa's bedroom door then. "Who is it?" Vegeta demanded to know.  
  
"It's Diamonique."  
  
"Good for you," Vegeta replied. "Now go away."  
  
"Vegeta, open this door! I have an important matter to discuss with you!"  
  
"He's busy getting Reccoom ready for the beauty contest!" Eclipse replied.  
  
"I'm not leaving until Vegeta opens this door," Diamonique insisted through the door.  
  
"Well, then you'll be an old lady by the time that happens," Vegeta replied serenely. "Not that you're that young now. The rash and blisters on your face don't help matters much either."  
  
An angry kick and few angry punches were heard on the other side of the door afterwards. "Perhaps you should give her a moment," Eclipse suggested.  
  
"No, I don't think so, Eclipse. I let your cousin live in the same atmosphere as me; the least thing she can do is leave me alone," Vegeta told her curtly.  
  
"Fine, then," Diamonique called. "I need to speak to Eclipse for a moment anyway."  
  
"I'll be just a moment, Prince Vegeta," Eclipse promised the agitated prince, as she pressed the button to open the door.  
  
"What is it-" Eclipse was about to ask, but an indignant Diamonique pushed past her and marched directly into Vegeta's room. Vegeta and Reccoom visibly retched at the sight of her reddened, blistered face; Diamonique looked positively monstrous with her afflicted features, and her fury did not improve her looks any.  
  
"Do you normally enter men's rooms without permission?" Vegeta snarled at his former lover.  
  
"All the time," Reccoom cracked, and Diamonique glared at him before turning her full attention back on Vegeta.  
  
"On occasions such as this, yes!" Diamonique fumed. "Vegeta, I heard a ghastly rumor about you going around, a simply horrid story! I heard that you and Jaden were going on a date! I know that can't be true."  
  
Vegeta smirked. "Oh, yes it is true. I'm taking Jaden out for dinner." Normally, he would have stuck to the truth and insisted that the "date" was a business arrangement, but implying that he and Jaden were seeing each other was sure to annoy Diamonique. Perhaps he'd anger her enough to convince her to leave him alone for a few weeks.  
  
"You and-JADEN? Why her?" Diamonique whined pathetically. "What does SHE have that I don't?"  
  
Vegeta replied wickedly, "Less chance of giving me a sexually transmitted disease."  
  
"You bastard!" Diamonique hissed. "I ought to slap you!"  
  
"Do it then," Vegeta dared her, crossing his arms.  
  
Before Diamonique could accept or refuse his challenge, her scouter beeped. "Diamonique," Frieza's voice said through her scouter, "I need to see you immediately."  
  
"Yes, Lord Frieza," Diamonique replied grudgingly. After cutting off communication, she turned on her heel and away from Vegeta. "Vegeta, before I go, I want you to know how low your tastes have been running lately! Picking Reccoom to be a contestant, and then flirting with one of King Cold's soldiers-don't think I don't know about Cypress-and now, dating Jaden! You are cruel, Vegeta, cruel!"  
  
"Thank you for the compliment," Vegeta answered with a grin.  
  
Diamonique tossed her ice-blue pageboy. "Well, guess what, Prince-you're not the only one seeing that whore, Cypress! Frieza's got his eye on her too; in fact, he and Cypress had dinner a few nights ago-and a whole lot more than that."  
  
The shocked expression on Vegeta's face temporarily satisfied Diamonique's lust for revenge. Eclipse and Reccoom looked at him with too much pity, something that Vegeta hated almost more than anything else.   
  
"That's right, Vegeta. Cypress went to Frieza's dining room, and he wined and dined her. When Cypress left Frieza's room, she was grinning, just like I do when a man has pleased me. From the look on her face, Frieza had given her the time of her life. Of course, an opportunist like Cypress would want a man with power and position. Just thought I should tell you what your new fling has been up to. Ta-ta, Vegeta! I'll see you later! Oh, and make sure that Jaden isn't playing around on you too."  
  
Vegeta replied coldly, "You have not fazed me at least, Diamonique. If Cypress wants to spread her legs for Frieza, that's her problem. I don't want Frieza's leftovers. Goodbye, and don't bother me again."  
  
"Fine then…and, oh, Vegeta, I'm sorry, but I thought you had the right to know," Diamonique replied with unhidden malice in her voice. And with that, she opened the door and left, pleased that she had delivered a mortal blow to her ex-lover.  
  
"Vegeta, I am-" Eclipse began, but Vegeta held out a hand to silence her.  
  
"It matters nothing to me. I have more important things to do," he replied in such a stiff tone, but Eclipse and Reccoom could tell that he was hurt and trying to hide it. "I have no time for women anyway, especially since I have to get Reccoom through this contest. Eclipse, are you finished with him?"  
  
"Yes, Prince," Eclipse replied quietly with her turquoise-framed head held down.  
  
"Good. Then leave us. Reccoom and I have to go. Give my regards to Nappa when you see him, as I am sure that you will. Farewell."  
  
"Goodbye, Vegeta, Reccoom," Eclipse said softly, as she pressed the button to open the door to leave.  
  
When she left, two somber men remained, especially a Saiyan prince who was angry with himself, for feeling so betrayed because a woman he was starting to like had chosen his lizard-freak boss over him. Hiding his pain almost successfully with his usual nonchalance, he ordered Reccoom about, as they headed out the door.  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
"So Cypress betrayed him?" Journa asked quizzically.  
  
"Something like that," Eclipse told the only living female pureblooded Saiyan known to Frieza's army. She and Journa didn't normally gossip and talk like this, being that Journa, like her Saiyan comrades, was usually aloof to almost anyone who was not of Saiyan origin. However, she and Eclipse did get along fairly well whenever they did talk. And Eclipse had thought that Journa should know what was going on, in case Vegeta acted more caustic than even he normally did.   
  
Journa's expression was clearly one of pity for her younger brother. As handsome and powerful as her crown prince brother was, he seemed to have little or no luck with women. Her brother needed a bonded mate, or at least a regular partner who would be faithful to him. He was better off without Cypress; that was for certain. Vegeta didn't need Frieza's leavings. She ran a masculine hand through her ruddy, unruly hair, while carelessly swinging a burgundy garment in her other hand. Eclipse noticed, and asked, "What's that in your hand, if you don't mind my asking?"  
  
"Oh, just a swimsuit," Journa replied casually.  
  
"Lord Frieza finally had the swimming pool fixed?" Eclipse questioned.  
  
"Nah…I've been waiting for him to get around to doing that myself. But, this swimsuit is part of a surprise for Raditz."  
  
"And what would that be?"  
  
Journa chuckled. "He doesn't know it yet, but I am entering the beauty contest. Course I know that I can't win 'cause my mate's one of the judges, but it'll be fun, even if it does mean having to put up with the catcalls from the men in the audience."  
  
Eclipse giggled. "I remember when I won the title of Miss Frieza three years ago. It was a real ego boost! You know what, Journa, I didn't mention this to Nappa, but I just entered too."  
  
"Are you serious? Nappa's going to wet his pants when he finds out!"   
  
Eclipse giggled some more. "Of course, I know that I'll have to drop out before the final judging, but it'll give Nappa a turn. He keeps saying that he wants to see me in a bikini, so he'll get an eyeful! This is going to be interesting!"  
  
"Oh, yeah, I'm sure it will be," Journa agreed. "From the looks of things, this year's beauty contest is going to be like no other!"  
  
Journa didn't know just how right she was.  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
Frieza's dining room…  
  
"You look exquisite," Coola commented to Karilyn. He was sitting at the dining room table with Frieza, King Cold, and Snowflake, his despised younger sister who was also a contestant in the Miss Frieza Beauty Contest. He didn't dare snub her openly for his father was present, along with King Cold's favorite wife, Lady Caldair.  
  
"Why thank you, master!" Karilyn gushed.  
  
"Turn around and let me have another look at you."  
  
Karilyn obeyed, twirling about to show off a gold, glittery evening gown that she had chosen. Coola smiled with approval, and he felt himself become aroused by the way that the gown clung to his concubine's delicious curves.  
  
"You will definitely win," Coola promised his paramour. "If not, I will personally see that the judges are castrated." He lightly patted her hip, and Karilyn laughed softly, asking to be excused to go freshen herself up in the restroom. Coola granted her permission, and she left.  
  
"Don't tell me that you're going to harm my judges, Coola," Frieza told his brother frostily after Karilyn had disappeared into Frieza's private restroom.  
  
Coola said breezily, "Relax, brother. I was just assuring my woman that she has every chance of winning your silly beauty contest. I don't understand honestly why she wants to go out among the oversexed perverts in your low-class army, but I don't see the harm of allowing her to do so just once. Of course, if any of your men touch her, you know what I will do to them."  
  
"Like any of my men would want to handle your leavings!" Frieza retorted. "Believe me, my men have higher standards that your women could never meet."  
  
"Really?" Coola asked his brother calmly. "Then why have I heard substantiated rumors that Rectaurus, Hectar, and a couple of the Ginyu Force members have been sneaking around with a few of my concubines? You and they know how I am about other men touching what is mine."  
  
"My men have better sense than to touch any of your whores," Frieza snapped. He knew personally, that Coola's insinuations held truth, for, in the past, he had heard some of his Top Elite men bragging about their conquests with Coola's and King Cold's concubines and maids. Frieza honestly didn't care what his men did with Coola's women and King Cold's women, as long as they weren't stupid enough to get caught. His men had to satisfy their urges sometime, and Frieza wasn't about to allow any of his male soldiers near his women; all of his men knew well that there was no second chance for a soldier who bedded any of Frieza's paramours or concubines.   
  
"My 'whores', as you call them, are of high quality; I only select the best young women for my harem," Coola told his younger brother loftily.  
  
"I'm afraid that would be a mistake, brother, for the best young women happen to be in my collection."  
  
"Ha! That will be the day!"  
  
"Jealous, are you, Coola?"  
  
"Gentlemen!" King Cold shouted, slamming his wine glass onto the table. "That is enough! Coola, this is Frieza's birthday today, so you can treat him with a little more respect than what you normally grant him. And Frieza, you do not need to bait your older brother every second!"  
  
"He started it!" both brothers protested, pointing at each other.  
  
Caldair and Snowflake sighed. Caldair lightly touched the newly curled, lavender tresses of her beautiful humanoid daughter's hair.  
  
"You look lovely, my dear," Caldair assured her in a smooth, cultured voice, appropriate to someone of her rank. The half-Gemstarian, half-Cara Caldair was a tall, gracious woman with her red-and-gold hair, violet eyes, an unusually long neck from her Cara origins, and the crystal-blue teeth and poisonous diamond nails from her Gemstarian descent. She was King Cold's true love, his favorite out of the numerous women with which he surrounded himself.  
  
"Thank you, Mummy," Snowflake replied sweetly. She smoothed down her shimmering sheath that clung to her tall, lithe body like a second skin.  
  
Coola and Frieza snorted. They rarely acknowledged their young sister, mainly because they were both jealous of the affection and favors that their father granted her. Neither brother had wanted their father to sire any more children after them, but King Cold had brushed their demands aside and continued produce a new half-sibling for them every two-to-three years or so, thanks to either a wife or a concubine. Unfortunately, some of those half-siblings died from time to time when either Coola or Frieza would send their soldiers to surreptitiously assassinate their unwanted brothers and sisters. Both of them feared that their father would someday sire a child that would be more powerful than either of them and would try to take over the throne after King Cold's death.  
  
"Yes, you are rather lovely," Coola commented serenely to his detested sister. "For a mixed-breed child, you look rather well. Of course, my Karilyn is such an exquisite female that I would hate for you to be hurt when you have to compete against her. I wouldn't want you to have a broken heart."  
  
Caldair glared at him darkly, but Coola ignored her. He only paid nominal respect to his father's three wives, the three wives he had taken one after another when Queen Frost, Coola and Frieza's mother had died, but he dared not try anything against them. His father allowed no insults or threats to touch his favored women, particularly his Caldair.  
  
Snowflake retorted, "And I wouldn't want you to have a broken tail when I-"  
  
"Snowflake, please," Caldair pleaded.  
  
"But, Mummy, he-"  
  
"Please let your father handle this."  
  
Snowflake sighed. "All right."  
  
King Cold spoke harshly, "Coola, you will apologize for your remarks immediately, do you understand me? Your sister has done you no harm, and you treat her, as if she's no better than a slave. This childishly cruel behavior towards her is going to end, do I make myself clear?" He looked down at his oldest son with such ferocity that it fazed the normally self-assured Coola. Coola flinched and mumbled a hasty, stiff apology to Snowflake, who grudgingly accepted it. There was no love lost between Snowflake and her two oldest half-brothers.   
  
Pointing at his brother, as if he were a five-year-old, Frieza mocked in a singsong tone, "Hahahahaha! Coola got in trouble!"   
  
"Shut up, Freezy!" Coola roared, using Frieza's most hated nickname against him.  
  
"Make me, Coo-Coo!" Frieza teased, before sticking his long, purple tongue out at him.  
  
Snowflake shook her head at this. She hated being around her brothers, especially when they were together and made complete fools of themselves whenever they met. It was incredible how those two could revert back to children within less than a nanosecond.  
  
"Oh, I'm not the one who's coo-coo," Coola said sweetly. "I've heard that a rumor that you and your ugly Rybanese Top Elite, Jaden, have been getting quite cozy lately."  
  
"Go to hell, Coo-Coo!" Frieza snapped. "That rumor is about Jaden and Vegeta, not Jaden and me! Vegeta was supposedly taking her out to dinner the week after my beauty contest is over."  
  
"Hah, if that's true, then the Monkey Prince has even worse taste than you do in women," Coola replied snidely. He snorted. "No, actually, it is Jaden's taste I'm questioning. Even she can do better than a monkey. I never understood what a gorgeous woman like Diamonique saw in him. The Gemstarian woman, now she is a wondrous creature, but she has such pitiful tastes in men!"  
  
"Vegeta was young and horny then, not that he isn't now, but he was worse back then, and Diamonique was there to make a man out of him. At least, to some extent, that couple would make sense, as long as Diamonique didn't allow Vegeta to impregnate her, but Jaden and Vegeta! Ugh! I must seriously have a talk with those two! I sent Zarbon to try to talk some sense into Jaden, but knowing how stubborn my one and only Rybanese Top Elite Officer is, she's likely to brush even him off when he confronts her. I understand that Jaden's probably desperate, but Vegeta can surely find a female closer to his species to play with, as long as it's not my Cypress."  
  
"Cypress?" King Cold asked.  
  
"Why your soldier, Cypress, of course," Frieza replied. "Surely you would remember a beauty such as her, Father."  
  
"I've never heard of her."  
  
"She's in your Mid-Elite."  
  
"I know almost all of my Mid-Elite Officers, and I've never met her. But then, my Head Commander, Brutu, could have promoted her. I'll contact him now and ask him about her." King Cold pulled his large scouter out of his pocket and unfolded it. He contacted Brutu immediately.  
  
"Brutu?"  
  
"Yes, Your Majesty?"  
  
"My son claims there is a woman in my army, a Mid-Elite Officer named Cypress. What do you know of her?"  
  
Brutu commented thoughtfully in his gravelly voice, "From which race is she? And what does she look like?"  
  
King Cold asked Frieza for details, but Frieza could only describe Cypress, not give her actual race. King Cold simply gave Brutu Cypress's description, and Brutu thought for a few moments.  
  
Finally, King Cold's Head Commander replied, "I am sorry, Your Majesty, but there is no humanoid female Top Elite officer with that description of that name. I would know if such a woman existed. I know almost all of the Elite females in our army, and there is no Cypress."  
  
"WHAT?" King Cold, Frieza, and Coola exclaimed.  
  
"Looks like your dream woman's turned out to be a pipe dream," Coola commented with a hint of triumph. "Looks like there's a fraud among us."  
  
"We must find out who this Cypress is, if she's not working for any of us," King Cold said firmly. "She could be a spy."  
  
"I'll track her down at the auditorium immediately, since she's in my beauty contest," Frieza insisted. "This woman will reveal once and for all who she is!"   
  
No matter how beautiful and entertaining Cypress was, if she was a spy or potential threat, she would have to be dealt with. Frieza privately thought that it would be a shame, if Cypress had to be harmed. They had spent a fascinating night together just before Frieza's family had shown up. Frieza and Cypress had danced and had dinner together, but strangely enough, when Frieza tried to make advances upon her, Cypress gently refused him. Angry and agitated, Frieza demanded to know why, for few women would dare to refuse him. Cypress then replied that King Cold had forbidden his women soldiers from having affairs with King Cold's sons. She had told Frieza regretfully, that if King Cold found out about this, she'd be in enough trouble already. Frieza still wasn't too happy, but even he wasn't about to defy his father, and so he allowed Cypress to leave untouched when she requested permission.  
  
Coming back to the present, Frieza decided that instead of killing Cypress, if she were proven to be a problem, he'd simply make her one of his concubines. Then Cypress would have no choice, but to entertain him whenever he demanded her company.  
  
Frieza smirked wickedly. He'd find a way yet to make Cypress his, no matter what she turned out to be.  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
As a group of oversexed, overexcited men from Frieza's army entered the auditorium to await the beauty contest, Zarbon and Jaden were backstage arguing.  
  
"For the last blasted time, Zarbon, Vegeta and I are NOT dating! And even if we were, why in the hell does anyone give a crap anyway? My private life is none of their business!"  
  
"I agree, Jaden," Zarbon told his friend and colleague as calmly as possible. "What the other officers think is not of any importance, but Lord Frieza is…concerned."  
  
"And let me guess, he sent you to do his dirty work and tell me to cancel my plans with Vegeta! Just like Lord Frieza to not have to sully his white hands any more than necessary! If he doesn't want me going out with Vegeta, why in the hell doesn't he come tell me himself? I wouldn't have been happy, but I would have obeyed. I don't understand why Frieza gives a crap, if he's worried about that little no-procreation order on Vegeta, I have no intention of sleeping with the lad. Never have; never will. We're not even reproductively compatible. Our one little so-called date is nothing more than a business arrangement. Vegeta is taking me out because he owes me a favor, and he's repaying it. You can tell Frieza that, if he asks, and for him not to worry. Vegeta's no more interested in me than I am in him."  
  
Zarbon was visibly relieved. When he had first heard a drunken Ginyu mention Vegeta and Jaden seeing each other, he had become as concerned as Frieza. He was puzzled as to how Jaden could date someone so beneath her, even if that person was a prince. "What exactly did you do for Vegeta to have him be so agreeable as to take you out to dinner?"  
  
"Sorry, Zarbon, but that's between him and I," Jaden replied brusquely. Before Zarbon could protest, Jaden held out a hand to stave off any further inquiries. "And I have to go now. You better catch yourself a seat before all our horny male comrades take them all. Things are going to get interesting…and possibly troublesome, especially since some of Coola's men have shown up. Just wonderful, isn't it? I hate it when Coola and his snobby, superiority-complex-filled bunch of buttholes show up! Especially Sauzaa and his Armored Squadron buddies."  
  
Zarbon shuddered delicately. Like Jaden, he and most of Frieza's soldiers despised Coola's soldiers. Many of Coola's Elites were either superior or equal to in strength and fighting ability to Frieza's Elites, and Coola's Elites loved to point that out every time they ran into anyone from Frieza's army. Many of Coola's soldiers were well the match of many of Frieza's best soldiers, but most of them were less ethical and honorable, with some of them committing foul deeds that not even Frieza's cruelest soldiers would dream of doing. Frieza's soldiers frequently fought amongst themselves, but they always unified with each other, whenever any of Coola's soldiers became a problem, and it was vice versa with Coola's soldiers.   
And Zarbon and Jaden shared a special dislike for Sauzaa, the head of Coola's Armored Squadron.  
  
"Lovely, just lovely," Zarbon grumbled. "And since Sauzaa and I are both Head Commanders, it means I will have to endure them and help Lord Frieza entertain both him and Lord Coola. I want to retch every time I see Sauzaa kissing up to Lord Coola."  
  
"Yeah, watching Sauzaa's tail-kissing is only more tolerable than hearing Lord Coola's bragging about his own accomplishments for hours on end. Frankly, I've had more fun watching Dodoria drool. Well, Zarbon, I pity you, but I have to run. I'm curious to see how this little bet between you and my best pupil turns out."  
  
Zarbon smiled confidently. "Relax, Jaden. There's no way that Reccoom is going to win. Once Nappa and Raditz see the more delectable beauties entering the contest, those two oversexed monkeys will forget about Vegeta's possible wrath, if they don't pick Reccoom. Yes, I believe that Vegeta demanded that his fellow Saiyans pick Reccoom to be the winner or else."  
  
"If you're that certain, why didn't you mention that concern to Lord Frieza?"  
  
Zarbon chuckled. "And end our little bet so soon? I don't think so! Besides, it will be much more satisfying to see Vegeta's humiliation when his dear Reccoom loses, when Nappa and Raditz allow their hormones to get the best of them and vote for someone with a nice figure and pretty face. I guarantee you, Jaden, by tomorrow morning, Vegeta will be wearing his sister's sexiest nightgown, serving me eggs sunny-side-up. It will be a pleasure to have that arrogant little monkey waiting on me for a month."  
  
Jaden grinned. "You better be careful, Zarbon. I wouldn't count Vegeta out yet, if I were you. I'm sure Nappa and Raditz are more worried about surviving their prince's wrath, than they are about judging the contest fairly. I believe they almost fear Vegeta more than they do Lord Frieza. I believe that Reccoom will become the first Mister Miss Frieza, and Nappa and Raditz will be thankful to survive the contest with their tails intact-and I don't mean the ones on their Saiyan behinds."  
  
"There is no way that Nappa and Raditz would ever agree to vote for Reccoom. Neither of them cares for him. I'm sure those two are laughing at the idea of making him the winner at this very moment."  
  
"Whether those two like Reccoom or not doesn't matter. They do exactly what Vegeta tells them. If Vegeta were to tell them to lick the crud off of his boots, they'd do it just for a few extra hours of life. Face facts, Zarbon, your chances of winning the bet ended when Frieza forced Raditz and Nappa to become the judges again. If those two perverts known as Hectar and Rectaurus had been allowed to remain as judges, it would be time to help Vegeta pick out Journa's best nightie to wear. But as it is…ah, Zarbon, no offense, but if I were you, I'd be trying on Chestra's clothing right about now."  
  
Zarbon shook his head and sighed indulgently. "Jaden, you have no faith in me!"  
  
Jaden smiled. "I'm just being realistic, Zarbon. You should have known that Nappa and Raditz would side with their prince in a heartbeat. Better go dig through Chestra's closet as soon as you can."  
  
Zarbon laughed softly. "Jaden, Jaden, Jaden. Trust me, when I say that Reccoom will not win. Nappa and Raditz will pick the most gorgeous young woman that they see, not some buffoon."  
  
Jaden smirked. "We'll see, won't we? I don't envy you though, Zarbon, I can tell you that much."  
  
"You will, when our Saiyan prince has to wait on me hand and foot."  
  
"Whatever you say, Zarbon, whatever you say."  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
Nappa and Raditz were both unusually pale, as they walked slowly and fearfully to the judges' table, as if they were heading to Frieza to be executed. On their way there, the handsome, yet arrogant and cruel, Sauzaa sauntered towards the Saiyan judges.  
  
"Hello, gentlemen," Sauzaa told the two men sweetly. Nappa barely restrained himself from trying to pummel the blue-faced pretty boy into the ground. Nappa's tail was stiff and bristled as a bottlebrush. Raditz was no calmer than his friend. If Sauzaa hadn't been Coola's Head Commander and stronger than both Saiyans put together, he would have been facing Enma Daiou right about now.   
  
"What do you want, Saucy?" Raditz asked nastily.   
  
"The name is Sauzaa," Sauzaa told him coolly. "And I have a special reminder to you two from my dear, beloved Lord Coola-"  
  
"Dear and beloved Lord Coola?" Nappa mocked. "What are you two…lovers or something? We all know that you use your lips on Lord Coola's butt quite a bit, but we didn't think that you enjoyed using certain other body parts there as well, particularly that scrawny thing between your legs that you call a cock!" He and Raditz laughed and chortled wickedly, slapping each other's backs. Nappa was proud of himself at that moment, for he could finally get back at Sauzaa for helping to abduct him and take him to Coola.  
  
"Good one, Nappa, good one!" Raditz agreed, chuckling loudly.  
  
Sauzaa's good-looking face purpled in fury, as he clenched his fists. "You two monkeys will pay for insulting Lord Coola and me!"  
  
"Put it on our bill, fancy pants!" Raditz yelled boisterously.  
  
Sauzaa growled at the laughing Saiyans. "Listen, you two primates, Lord Coola just wanted me to warn you men to vote for Karilyn or else! Don't think he has forgotten."  
  
"Oooh," Raditz jeered. "We're so scared."  
  
"You should be, you two primitive gorillas!" Sauzaa retorted. "But I will leave now. Don't forget what Lord Coola has ordered…Karilyn as Miss Frieza. And if you disobey him, I will gladly help him dispose of you two cretins. I eat pieces of crud like you two for breakfast!"  
  
Raditz chuckled. "You eat pieces of crud for breakfast?"  
  
"Hope they go well with milk!" Nappa teased with a grin.  
  
Sauzaa, embarrassed by the way he had trapped himself, stomped his booted feet furiously. "A plague upon your race! May the last of the Saiyans die with your generation!" And with that he stormed away, with Raditz and Nappa still laughing loudly, as they finally made their way to the judges' table.  
  
They were still laughing, even when they saw an envelope on the table with both of their names written on it in Standard language. Nappa picked it up and opened it, and his grin collapsed into a worried frown.  
  
"What's wrong?" Raditz wanted to know.  
  
Nappa said gravely, "It's from King Cold. He said to make sure to vote for Lady Snowflake, or else we're doomed."  
  
The realization that King Cold and Coola were still blackmailing them was slowly coming into the two Saiyans' awareness once more. Raditz slumped against the edge of the judges' table. "We're screwed, Nappa. Either King Cold or Coola will destroy us before Vegeta or Frieza can help us."  
  
"No matter how we look at things, we're dead," Nappa sighed. "I'm tempted to go call Frieza a pantywaist and die by his hand. At least any death like that will be quick. We won't be so lucky with Vegeta or Coola or King Cold."  
  
"I wish we've never been picked," Raditz muttered.  
  
"I wish Frieza never came up with this beauty contest to begin with," Nappa groused.  
  
"What are we going to do, Nappa?" Raditz asked worriedly.  
  
"What does it matter at this point what we do? No matter how we vote, we're not going to live past today. Well, Raditz, it's been nice fighting alongside you and working with you."  
  
"Yeah, same here, Nappa, same here." And neither Raditz nor Nappa spoke for a while. 


	10. Chapter Nine: Death Before Dishonor?

Chapter Nine: Death Before Dishonor?  
  
Backstage…  
  
With her face still covered with blisters and rashes, Diamonique decided that she was going to take further revenge on Vegeta and Reccoom, but especially Reccoom. She had heard Jaden tell Chestra and Zarbon about Reccoom eating the specially treated facial cream that Diamonique had meant to bring about his ruin. Reccoom was such a moron! And Vegeta still needed to be further punished for running around with Jaden and that Cypress wench! Even though she had heard that Vegeta was not happy with Cypress still, Diamonique felt that the strange soldier deserved retribution. It served that whore right for playing with her Vegeta's heart and keeping him from her!  
  
Cypress, Reccoom, and Vegeta were going down today. Diamonique would have liked to take her vengeance out on Jaden as well, but she feared the Rybanese warrior too much to challenge her right now. Jaden had been known to kill people for annoying her, and it wouldn't take her much incentive to finish Diamonique off once and for all. All Diamonique could do was hope that this "infatuation" between Jaden and Vegeta would wear off quickly. Just what those two could see in each other, she couldn't imagine!  
  
So the Gemstarian warrior held the method of her revenge in her hands: a bottle of a tangy alcoholic drink called Dezarc that was so potent that all it took was one shot to make even the largest, most alcohol-tolerant warrior drunk. She had surrpetiously stolen a bottle from the Elite Lounge And Bar on Tipsy's last day off. In fact, Dezarc had such disastrous effects after more than one shot that Tipsy had long ago forbade himself and his employees from giving any customer more than one small serving per day, and that was only if they hadn't consumed any alcoholic beverages beforehand.  
  
And there just happened to be a huge bowl of fruit punch on the table backstage, where trays of food, including various meats, crackers, breads, vegetables, and desserts lay. Diamonique smiled to herself cruelly; she knew that all she had to do was spike the punch, and Cypress and Reccoom would be so drunk that they would act obnoxiously and ruin their chances of victory. Of course, she knew that meant that if any of the other contestants drank the tainted punch, they'd be affected too, but that would be a small price to pay. Diamonique would only use enough Dezarc to intoxicate those who drank it, not kill them.  
  
Sweetly smiling to herself, as if she were doing a loving deed, Diamonique poured half of the tall, brown bottle of Dezarc into the pink liquid resting in the crystal champagne bowl. The clear amber fluid flowed easily into the sea of punch. After she had finished, she screwed the cap back onto the bottle and crept away.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Raditz and Nappa were playing with the tips of their tails nervously, as they watched the parade of beauties, dressed in evening gowns of various jewel tones, stroll out onto the stage. All of them were dressed in Many of the contestants Raditz and Nappa already knew as the girls and women who had been chasing the Saiyans for days. Nappa looked out the corner of his eye to see the disgruntled Hectar and Rectaurus sitting in front, glaring darkly at Nappa and Raditz. The bald Saiyan sighed heavily; why couldn't Frieza have let those two Sistrai pervs continue to be judges?  
  
Right above the seats in the auditorium was a floating, oval silver platform, trimmed with soft lights along the edges. An ornate, black, metal railing that was sculpted in shapes of vines and leaves surrounded the hovering platform. This was the VIP platform, where only Cold Empire royalty could sit. A gigantic, gold chair padded with soft, scarlet velvet was for King Cold, where he was currently sitting while drinking a glass of fine wine. Hovering near him was a floating pod with dark blue padded back and double seats, with an occupied one that contained Lady Caldair. And hovering in front of the couple were Coola and Frieza, in their usual personal traveling pods, with Frieza's new personal pod being his birthday gift from Dodoria.  
  
Casting anxious glances every couple of minutes at the Cold family, Nappa pulled on Raditz's forearm.  
  
"Raditz, bend down below the table with me. We need to talk-seriously. Before you object to this idea, hear me out. We know we're likely going to die after today, no matter who we pick, right?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"But let me have my say before we pick anyone."  
  
"No prob, Nappa." At this point, Raditz was up for any suggestions on how to prolong his life after the contest, if possible. He and Nappa bent down under the table to talk.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Down below in the seats were a myriad of hooting, hollering men of all species who were shouting catcalls, innuendoes, "compliments", offers for dates and one-night-stands, and pick-up lines at the throng of young beauties of various races:  
  
"Hey, dollface, let me jump on your scales and you can let me know how I weigh!"  
  
"Hey, beautiful, I have a present for you in my pants with your name on it! Come to my room tonight to get your free gift!"  
  
"Hey, sweets, I'm great with daggers, but I have a nice one that I know you'd want to see! How about you let me slide that dagger into your nice, soft sheath?"  
  
"Yeah, good-looking, shake that tail!"  
  
"Hey, gorgeous, I like you! How about lettin' me conquer YOUR planets for one night? For the look of you, you have plenty of nice, uncharted territory for me to explore!" A lascivious, crimson salamander-like man with three green eyes eagerly grabbed the tail of one of the humanoid female contestants, even though he knew like everyone else that touching the contestants was against the rules. Excitedly, he tried to climb up on stage and attempted to grab one of her breasts.  
  
Before anyone could intervene to discipline the errant soldier, the contestant herself bent down towards him, seized him by his neck and held him up into the air. The terrified creature immediately released her tail. "Touch me again, bastard, and you'll win yourself a free ticket to hell-but you won't be taking your tail in front with you! Understand?"  
  
The red salamander alien gulped, nodding immediately.  
  
"Now, don't you owe me an apology?" the fierce-looking contestant insisted, shaking her harasser by his slender, leathery neck.  
  
"Sure-sure thing," the salamander-soldier said shakily. "Pl-Please forgive me, Prin-Princess Journa! So sorry, won't bother you again, I promise!"  
  
"That's much better." And with a hard thrust, Journa tossed the reptilian warrior back into his seat. She heard a bone in his tail crack, but she paid it no mind. She smoothed down her black satin, low-cut evening gown that had a slit up both sides, as she followed behind Eclipse.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
As the elegantly dressed contestants strolled around in an oval path, smiling at most of the eager men in the audience, Vegeta's jaw was dangling almost down to his waist at seeing his sister in the contest. Zarbon, who had had the audacity to sit down next to the Saiyan prince in the front row, was chuckling.  
  
"I have to admit, Vegeta, that your sister taught that red slime a lesson, hehheh! That guy is unfortunately, one of our troublemakers. I'm surprised that Journa was entering this year; from what I've heard, she doesn't have a high regard for these kinds of contests.  
  
"I'm going to kill her!" Vegeta fumed, with fists clenched and the large vein in his forehead bulging. "How dare she enter, knowing that I have Reccoom in the contest! Why in the hell didn't she tell me she was entering? Well, I know one thing…if she wins-"  
  
"Then you'll be serving me waffles and eggs in bed tomorrow morning?" Zarbon asked with a smirk. "Hah, no offense, prince, but I have a feeling that Raditz will be more worried at this point about angering your sister. Many men will risk death before their mates' wrath. And, of course, it doesn't help that the lovely Eclipse is entering as well. Looks like Reccoom, as will as you, will be the laughingstock tomorrow."  
  
Vegeta quickly regained his arrogant demeanor. He scoffed at Zarbon with his own trademark smirk, "Don't be so sure, Zarbon. Nappa and Raditz aren't as stupid as you and the other Elites presume them to be. They both well know that if they choose their mates over the other contestants, they won't make it out of the auditorium. And Reccoom's act for the talent portion will steal the show."  
  
"What's his act-more of Ginyu's infamous poses?" Zarbon sneered.  
  
"Oh, you'll find out soon enough, Zarbon," Vegeta told him wickedly. "And then you'll wet your fancy pants when Reccoom is declared the first Mister Miss Frieza. Hope you picked out something nice from Chestra's closet in advance."  
  
"Oh, I have, prince, but it will be for her to wear the next time we are together. She looks exquisite in anything she owns, but I'm sure that you'll look almost as lovely as her tomorrow when you're wearing Journa's prettiest nightwear." Zarbon leaned back, crossing his arms and flashed a triumphant smile at Vegeta. "By the way, if you wear that black lace teddy I heard that she has, make sure you put on the matching garters as well."  
  
Infuriated, Vegeta was about to wipe the smile off of Zarbon's face with his fist, but then Chestra showed up. Chestra was dressed simply, but beautifully in one of her usual outfits that she wore when she was off-duty: a pale rose silk gown that displayed her slim, graceful shoulders and was trimmed above her bosom with delicate mauve lace. It was dressy and casual at the same time, and Vegeta grinned at her devilishly. A devious plan came to his brilliant mind on a new way to get back at Zarbon, and he had lovely Chestra to thank for it.  
  
Chestra sat down next to Zarbon, and before she could speak, Vegeta flashed her his wicked smirk and said, "You're looking very beautiful this evening, Chestra."  
  
"Um…thank you, Vegeta," Chestra told him awkwardly. Zarbon narrowed his golden eyes and scowled at Vegeta warningly, but Vegeta deliberately ignored him.  
  
Vegeta chuckled. "You're more than welcome, my dear. I meant every word. A rare, flawless jewel such as you surely deserves a powerful man at her side, but a man of the highest caliber…say a crown prince, perhaps? You deserve to become a princess, you know, possibly even a queen. Of course only a prince could give you those things, you know. May I ask you something else?"  
  
"I…suppose," Chestra replied uncomfortably.  
  
To Vegeta's triumph, Zarbon's veins were pushing to escape from his forehead, and his right fist was clenched. Zarbon was about to speak, but before he could do so, Vegeta asked Chestra, "Have you ever dated or considered dating a younger man, particularly a handsome, strong warrior of royalty and class? Someone as special and intelligent as you should seriously consider…expanding your horizons, perhaps?"  
  
Zarbon growled, "Vegeta, you should seriously consider just how much longer you want to live! Why, I-" He would have ranted further, but Chestra placed a restraining hand on his arm.  
  
"Don't, Zarbon," Chestra told him firmly. "You're giving Vegeta exactly the reaction he wants. His words are not worth losing your temper over." She then looked directly at Vegeta, staring disapprovingly into his obsidian eyes with her jade ones.  
  
She told him coolly, "Vegeta, you've achieved your goals as far as annoying my mate goes, so you can stop your little game that you're trying to play with me. I am not the least bit interested in you, and I am telling you, no, let's say ordering you, to back off immediately. Do you understand?"  
  
"Hmmph, fine then, I will," Vegeta told her. "Of course the option's still open, if you ever change your mind."  
  
"That won't be while you're alive, I can assure you," Chestra replied sternly. "And after this bet that you have between you and Zarbon has finished, you will cease your baiting. I'm not going to pretend that I approve of what you two have been doing, but I realize that you two will see this silly thing to the end, no matter what. But I can assure you that Zarbon will enter no more such bets with you afterwards for a long time; I've already asked him, and he has agreed."  
  
"Fine with me," Vegeta responded. "But you do realize, Chestra, that this is between us gentlemen."  
  
"Yes, I do," Chestra stiffly replied. "And other than what I told Zarbon and you, I am staying completely out of it." And she leaned back against her chair, crossing her arms. Zarbon looked considerably pained after she had fallen silent; Chestra hadn't hesitated to tell him that the bet between him and Vegeta was ridiculous and childish. He didn't know which was going to be harder for him to take: more of his mate's disappointment, or Vegeta's gloating on the slim chance that Reccoom did win the beauty contest.  
  
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Dodoria was grinning, as he approached the table of treats and punch backstage. A gigantic birthday cake for Frieza rested nearby. The cake had fifteen tiers, and it was frosted with white icing trimmed with dark blue and gold "curtains" on the edges. Dodoria licked his lips greedily at the sight of the cake, but he knew better than to touch it.  
  
He had been disappointed that he couldn't see the contestants in their snug, revealing evening gowns, but the thought of him being allowed to perform his own special birthday surprise act for his beloved Lord Frieza more than made up for it. He had convinced Hickey to let him do it just before the swimsuit session of the beauty contest.  
  
He planned to sing a special birthday song that Captain Ginyu had helped him compose for Frieza. Dodoria was positively giddy with delight at the thought of entertaining his sire and earning further approval (and possibly love?) from him.  
  
He daydreamed of Frieza's small, petite body, long shimmering horns, pouty lips and corrugated tail, as he began to gulp cup after cup of the delicious punch which was sweet and pungent at the same time.  
  
Delicious! Good, even after the tenth cup!  
  
Dodoria belched loudly and sighed contentedly. But suddenly, he toppled to the ground and his head felt swimmy. Yellow and black spots danced before his now bloodshot eyes and a slack grin spread all over his face.   
  
Then the inebriated Dodoria caught sight of a jumbo-sized lidded crate that could actually fit his entire body inside. Next to the box were rolls of streamers in shades of blue, violet, ruby, and green.  
  
He grinned to himself. He just had the inspiration for a new song…and a wonderful surprise for Lord Frieza, thanks to that crate and streamers! Unbelievably, within less than five minutes, he concocted his "surprise" for his sire. With great effort, he managed to haul his titanic body off of the floor.  
  
Happily intoxicated, he bounced over to the crate and streamers, where he saw an open closet full of women's clothing. Dangling from a hanger was an extra-large pair of white leather rhinestone-studded bikini underwear, along several silk scarves in shades of plum, rose, and mint.  
  
Dodoria threw his head back and laughed gleefully. He had just rethought his entire birthday act for Frieza. Wait until Lord Frieza saw this! Then he would finally understand once and for all how much Dodoria truly loved him!  
  
Yes, today would be the day that he, Dodoria, would win Lord Frieza's heart!  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Nappa and Raditz finally allowed themselves to sit up again and feast their eyes on the circulating crowd of gorgeous young women of all species parading around the stage. Nappa whispered to Raditz, "Are we still in agreement with what we talked about?"  
  
"Yeah, Nappa, I'm all for it, and you're right. We're not buckling to anyone's demands as to whom they want to win, no matter what. We may die today, but we'll die with honor."  
  
"Exactly, Raditz. Honor is one of the few things that we Saiyans are able to keep. So, we are not going to allow ourselves to be bullied into picking someone. Instead, we are going to make our own choice, as to who should win the title of Miss Frieza. We, not Vegeta, not Coola, and not King Cold, will decide today who really deserves to win."  
  
"That's right, Nappa, I agree, I agree. Even though we may die, at least we'll die with honor, us having chosen a contestant fairly, on her merits alone, and not because our prince or those two Cold tyrants say so. Today, it will be truly the best woman who deserves to win. It's what we should have decided all along. It is better for us to die on our feet and honorably than live on our knees with shame at our own cowardliness."  
  
"I'm rather proud of us right now, Raditz, my friend."  
  
Raditz chuckled. "So am I, Nappa, so am I. So let's just enjoy our last day while we can and let the best beauty win."  
  
"Yeah, and when we do go out, we'll go out like true Saiyan warriors, not cowards, even if it is just a beauty contest."  
  
The two Saiyans allowed themselves to smile, as the contestants breezily walked past the judges' table, with each lady flashing them a smile. Karilyn walked past Nappa and winked at him. Nappa grinned, and he allowed himself to ogle her for just a few moments.   
  
Then Snowflake, walking tall and queenly, gracefully strolled past the Saiyan judges, and Raditz chuckled. She was gorgeous, even if her father was a threat to everyone and everything in the universe. Snowflake sweetly fluffed her hair at the Saiyan men, looked up into the sky to wave at her parents and smile before she left the judges' table.  
  
After five more contestants came Cypress, and the jaws of Nappa and Raditz dropped to the surface of the table. Vegeta had been right at one time to chase this babe, for she was hot! This beauty had a fluffy, fiery catlike tail that just had to be soft to the touch. Her russet hair flowed down her slender back in cascading waves, and her lilac eyes sparkled. She smiled knowingly at the two Saiyan men, and Nappa and Raditz could barely restrain themselves.   
  
"Hey," Nappa called softly to Cypress, even though he and Raditz were only supposed to be observing and judging the women, not speaking to them until the interview session. "I know we sort of met you the last time that you came to the Elite Lounge And Bar to see Vegeta, but why do I feel like we've known you before then?"  
  
Cypress chuckled, deep and velvety. "Perhaps, you boys just might have. You two never know." And she winked at both Nappa and Raditz before leaving. The two Saiyans stared at her longingly, especially at her breasts, bottom, and tail.  
  
"Now that one deserves to win," Nappa noted dreamily.  
  
"Yeah, I agree totally," Raditz contentedly sighed.  
  
"'Course we'll have to see the other sessions of the contest too, Raditz, but hey, Cypress looks like our potential."  
  
"Ah, what a beaut…Vegeta's one lucky man," Raditz purred. He and Nappa were still unaware of Cypress's time last night with Frieza.  
  
Other women of various reptilian, humanoid, mammalian, and avian species sauntered past them, and the Saiyan judges studied them briefly, with Nappa looking a bit longer at the girls with ample chests and bottoms; the rumors were indeed true about him being a "boobs-and-butt man".  
  
Raditz took a long drink of water, but before he could send the last sip down his throat, he choked on the clear liquid when he saw the last two contestants in line coming towards them. His eyes bulged in horror, and he nearly wet himself. His tail stood up in the air, high, tense, and stiff. He began trembling visibly.  
  
Nappa was still staring at the plump derriere of the last humanoid female contestant leaving the judges' table, so he did not notice Raditz's shocking discovery right away. But Raditz shook Nappa's arm and yanked him towards him.  
  
"Na-Nappa, look! Look who entered! It's beyond our worse nightmares!" Raditz gasped.  
  
Nappa finally saw what had startled Raditz, and he sucked in his breath. No, not this! Anything, but this!  
  
He and Raditz clutched the paper tablecloth on the table, as they trembled violently at the sight of seeing the smiling Eclipse and Journa casually strolling towards them. Journa, only looking partway in their direction, grinned and winked at Raditz. Raditz gulped and wished that he could hide under the table. Eclipse sweetly waved to Nappa and blew him a kiss.  
  
"Raditz," Nappa whispered. "Do me a favor…kill me."  
  
"Only if you kill me at the same time," Raditz insisted, his skin paling, as Eclipse and Journa came closer. Nervously, he and Nappa anxiously played with the scorecards that were to be used for rating the contestants.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
After all the contestants had passed the judges' table, the emcee, Hickey, the small blue mouse-alien with the giant square-shaped ears, had a voice that was always loud and booming, no matter how softly he tried to speak. All the members of his race were like that, and the soldiers in Frieza's army (most of whom were fond of the strange fellow) were used to it by now.  
  
Hickey spoke gently, but his voice still reverberated throughout the auditorium, as his words poured forth, "Well, ladies and gentlemen, you have seen our exquisitely beautiful contestants in their evening gowns. All of them are something special, aren't they?"  
  
"Yeah, you bet they are!"  
  
"Can we take 'em home?"  
  
Raucous laughter spread throughout the men in the audience, but Hickey held up a tiny blue hand to silence the crowd. "Everyone, please! While the ladies are leaving to change their swimsuits, we'll have a brief act in honor of Lord Frieza's birthday today! By the way, Happy Birthday, sire!"  
  
The crowd cheered appropriately.   
  
"And now our lovelies will be leaving for just a few minutes to change into their swimsuits…"  
  
"Yeah, swimsuits and bikinis! YAYYY!"  
  
"I wanna see some thongs!"  
  
"Is topless allowed this year?"  
  
"I sure hope so! I'd love to see some boobs. Lord Frieza oughta allow a TOPLESS session, yes he should!"  
  
"I agree, Hectar, I agree! Better yet a nude session!"  
  
Hickey sighed. Some of the men here today were impossible, but Hectar and Rectaurus were definitely among the worse. He pitied the young ladies this year, as the ladies began walking off the stage single file, listening to the men cheer and hoot after them.  
  
After the ladies left, the mouse emcee cried, "And now presenting…Commander Dodoria with a special birthday song for Lord Frieza! Happy Birthday, Lord Frieza!"  
  
A mixture of cheers and boos filled the audience followed the mentioning of Dodoria's name. And Dodoria did not come out at first.  
  
"Umm…Commander Dodoria?" Hickey asked nervously.  
  
No response.  
  
"Commander?"  
  
Still, silence.  
  
The men in the audience began to boo after Dodoria did not answer a third summons. "Forget the fatso!" Raspberry shouted. "Bring on the babes in the swimsuits!"  
  
"Yeah, swimsuits, swimsuits!"  
  
"Everyone, please!" Hickey begged piteously.  
  
"WE WANT SWIMSUITS! WE WANT BABES! MAKE 'EM HURRY UP!"  
  
At that moment, two birdlike Low-Level men came out onto the stage, reluctantly wheeling a giant crate clumsily wrapped with streamers ranging in colors from blue to green. A heavy, yellow satin bow was resting on top of the crate.  
  
"Commander Dodoria will show soon," one of the Low-Levels, who resembled a giant crow, squeaked to Hickey. Reluctantly, he continued, "He said that a special gift to Lord Frieza is in this box. He said to just shine a spotlight on the box."  
  
"Good!" Hickey exclaimed loudly. "That means we can begin with Commander Dodoria's act after all!"  
  
Boos followed this announcements soon after.  
  
"Who cares? Bring out the babes!"  
  
"Yeah, we don't care about Commander Dodoria anymore!"  
  
"We want women in swimsuits!"  
  
Frieza, in his pod, finally had enough. He floated down from the VIP platform towards the audience. He said chillingly, "There will be no more interruptions. Commander Dodoria will be allowed to perform. I expect silence until the women return. Is that clear?"  
  
Reluctant murmurs of agreement came in response.  
  
"Good," Frieza told them, and he levitated back up towards the VIP platform.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
"Wonderful," Nappa grumbled. "Just what I love to see in a beauty contest-the ugliest thing possible performing another suck-up act to Lord Frieza."  
  
"Yeah, well it could be worse-Dodoria could be stripping," Raditz quipped. He had been deeply worried about Eclipse and Journa now being in the contest. He said to Nappa, "What are we going to do about Journa and Eclipse, Nappa? We can't pick them for winners, can we? If we do, we're going to wind up dead!"  
  
"And if we don't even consider them, they'll never forgive us," Nappa added.  
  
"It's not going to really matter in the end, since we're going to die anyway," Raditz said glumly. "But if we die and don't pick our women, we'll die with them hating us."  
  
"Wait, Raditz," Nappa insisted. "We said that we were going to judge this contest fairly and with honor, remember?"  
  
"Yeah, Nappa, but we're talking about our mates here."  
  
Nappa sighed, "Don't I know it, but Raditz, we've got to stick to our honor, right?"  
  
"Right," Raditz said reluctantly. "I…think."  
  
Nappa sighed again. He understood exactly how Raditz felt. He didn't want to create trouble with Eclipse anymore than Raditz wanted to create trouble with Journa.  
  
Someone must have placed a curse on him and Raditz. Obviously, someone, somewhere was laughing because the judges' mates were now in the beauty contest. Well, if they were laughing, he and Raditz certainly weren't.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
The crate had been emptied off of the dolly, and it began to shake and strain, with the boards loosening. Hickey and the rest of the audience stared at the crate, wondering just what Commander Dodoria had put in it.  
  
Hickey hoped that Commander Dodoria knew what he was doing-and that it wouldn't eventually cost Hickey his life at Frieza's hands. 


	11. Chapter Ten: What CAN Go Wrong WILL

Chapter Ten: What CAN Go Wrong WILL   
  
Ladies' restroom, backstage…  
  
In a plain ladies' restroom with dull, mauve tiles, faded brass faucets, and only three toilet stalls, Cypress sat on the toilet, doing the usual business that any woman would do in relieving herself. Her purple velvet dress, dark as midnight, was bunched up around her waist, so that she would not ruin it. As she took time sitting down, she heard the singsong voice of Karilyn, the favored mistress of Lord Coola. Cypress had only met Karilyn an hour ago.  
  
Through the crack of the door, she could see Karilyn admiring herself in a fluorescent pink, skimpy set, running her slender hands along her lithe curves. Cypress permitted herself a wry smile; the girl certainly didn't lack in self-confidence. Just the type of female to keep Lord Coola interested for more than two weeks. She didn't know whether to consider Karilyn fortunate or not.  
  
Karilyn was laughing throatily to herself, as she strutted and preened in front of the cracked, dusty mirror above the sink imbedded in the pink marble counter. She ran her hands through her silvery hair, obviously loving the silk and sheen that naturally belonged to it. She sighed luxuriously, as she admired herself once more for the umpteenth time.  
  
"Oh, Coola certainly knows how to spoil a girl! I can't believe how sweet he can be sometimes! Especially with this contest! I can't believe that he would actually blackmail the judges, just to ensure that I would win! He's so good to me, really!"  
  
Blackmail the judges? Cypress's entire back stiffened, and her lavender eyes widened in shock.  
  
"Nappa and Raditz are hunks, I'll admit, but like Coola says, if they don't pick me as Miss Frieza, they're not going to live past today! Oooh, that master of mine is so clever! Well, got to go guarantee my victory, and as long as I keep my mouth shut until I obtain victory, Coola says I'll be sure to be Miss Frieza this year, heehee!" And with a happy, giddy laugh, Karilyn danced out of the restroom.  
  
Cypress gulped. She just hoped that Karilyn hadn't noticed that she overheard everything, but it was to her own good fortune that Karilyn possessed more air in her head than brain cells. She would go to Frieza and tell him what was going on, but doing so directly would likely put her in danger with Coola. But she couldn't let Karilyn get away with what she was doing, and Coola certainly couldn't be allowed to tamper in his brother's affairs.   
  
There had to be a way to foil Karilyn and Coola's plans without getting killed or exposed. Cypress knew this without doubt, but…  
  
…Just how was she going to do it?  
  
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Dusty, rosy, smoke began emitting from the crate, and the gentle puffs began wafting into the air. Then it began to shake harder and harder, and it was straining to burst. Several nails flung out of the wooden boards, and Hickey was forced to fly to the floor to take cover.   
  
And finally, the wooden box exploded, with fragments, boards, dust, and nails flying everywhere. Screams and shouts followed soon after, as the smoke from the crate increased steadily. The giant cloud of pink smoke began to engulf the stage.  
  
"Take cover, everyone!" Hickey screamed, his voice causing a mild quake on stage. Everyone in the first few rows covered their heads to prevent injuries from the crate explosion. Many began to cough on the smoke and tried to wave it away from them.  
  
"What's going on here?" Frieza demanded to know.   
  
"Hmm…seems Dodoria's gift to you went up in smoke," Coola joked lamely.  
  
Frieza glared knives at him, as he entered Zarbon's scouter code. When Zarbon answered, Frieza shouted, "Zarbon, do you have any idea of what's going on down there?"  
  
"No-no, sire, I can't say I do!'  
  
"Well-find out! I want to make sure there's not a fire!"  
  
"Of-of course, Lord Frieza, sire, whatever you say!" And Zarbon cut off communication.  
  
Unfortunately for Frieza, Zarbon, and everyone else, what would soon follow after would be way worse than any fire. Actually, Frieza and his army would have preferred a fire to what would soon happen.  
  
For when the smoke cleared, Dodoria was standing on stage, wearing a scarlet woman's trench coat that hung on him like a muumuu. He began to swivel his hips seductively, as he looked up into a stunned Frieza's eyes with a drunken grin. He swayed back and forth, as he strutted across the stage confidently. He pulled out several colorful scarves and waved them about elegantly, as if they were blowing in a gentle breeze. As he did so, he accidentally dropped a used capsule onto the floor; this capsule had been the cause of the smoke.  
  
Swishing his enormous body about as gracefully as possible, an intoxicated Dodoria opened his huge mouth and began to sing, "Happy Birthday, Master Frieza! Happy Birthday to you, my lord! Happy Birthday…my beloved! You know how much I love youuuuu!"  
  
And to poor Frieza's horror, Dodoria unbuckled the belt on his woman's trench coat and slowly opened his coat to reveal that he was wearing the pair of white leather, rhinestone-studded underwear-and nothing else.  
  
"He's going to strip!" Hickey screamed.  
  
"AHHH! NOOOOOO!" screamed everyone in the terrified audience.  
  
"Cover your eyes, everyone!" Captain Ginyu ordered, and no one disobeyed him.  
  
"We've got to stop him before anyone's traumatized for life!" Chestra insisted to Vegeta and Zarbon.  
  
For once Vegeta and Zarbon were in mutual agreement. They, like Chestra, knew what would happen to anyone who saw Dodoria's naked body. Seeing his unclothed form, with all its bulges, bumps, blubber, and flaps of fat was enough to put even the strongest, hardened warriors into extreme shock. Several unfortunates had actually committed suicide within minutes or hours after they had seen Dodoria naked. Jaden was one of the few survivors who had lived to tell the dreadful tale of seeing him nude.  
  
So, covering their eyes, Vegeta, Zarbon, and Chestra left their seats to make their way to the stage to prevent Dodoria's possible stripping. As they made their way onto the stage, Dodoria was sliding off his coat. And up in the VIP platform, Frieza, Coola, and King Cold were wisely covering up their eyes; Frieza was trying to figure out a way to shoot Dodoria with a ki blast without him having to look at his body.  
  
"Happy Birthday, Master Frieza," Dodoria crooned, as he slowly began easing his nearly nude form out of his coat. Chestra squeezed her eyes tight and concentrated her mind on stopping Dodoria before he finished undressing himself. Using her extraordinary telekinesis, she froze him in place with her mind powers. He struggled against Chestra's mind control on him, but despite his great strength, Chestra held firm, with her mind powers keeping him in place.   
  
"Hurry, you guys!" Chestra shouted to Zarbon and Vegeta. "I won't be able to hold him forever!"  
  
"Lemme go!" Dodoria ordered drunkenly to no one in particular, as Zarbon and Vegeta came running up towards him, still careful not to look at Dodoria's body directly.  
  
"Vegeta, you dress him; I'll knock him out, so that he can't cause any more problems!" Zarbon ordered him.  
  
"Oh, thanks," Vegeta retorted sarcastically. "Leave me with the greater risk of seeing that fatty nude!" But he went to do, as Zarbon had commanded him.  
  
While Chestra was holding a now angry Dodoria in place with her mind powers, Zarbon came up behind him and raised his fist towards the back of Dodoria's head. Vegeta, cringing and trying not to retch, swiftly flew up to the front of Dodoria and rapidly pulled his coat back on. Dodoria struggled to grab Vegeta, to force him to stop redressing him, but Chestra's telekinetic hold on him was still strong, so Vegeta was able to yank Dodoria's trench coat back together around his corpulent body. Relieved that most of his nudity was now covered, Vegeta hastened to fasten the belt on the coat and button the large, leather buttons as fast as he could with his thick, muscled fingers. As Vegeta finished with the last button, Zarbon's fist crashed into the back of Dodoria's skull, and Dodoria fell forward towards Vegeta. The Saiyan prince leapt out of the way just as Dodoria's heavy body, guided by Chestra's mind, sank to the floor. If it hadn't been for Chestra lowering him to the floor, Dodoria would have crashed into the concrete with a nasty concussion. Instead, he fell to the floor, as if in a gentle faint, and when he was finally resting on the stage, he was unconscious.   
  
When Dodoria had been safely subdued, the audience cheered wildly, shrieking and clapping and screaming shouts of appreciation and gratitude. Sweat beaded on Chestra's pale brow, as she gave the audience a weary smile of relief. Zarbon managed a grand bow before sinking to his knees, and Vegeta mopped the waterfall of sweat on his wide forehead with the back of his hand. Hickey was considerably relieved, even though he was still praying to the deity of his planet that Frieza wouldn't blame Dodoria's shenanigans on him. Nappa and Raditz released heavy sighs of relief.  
  
Meanwhile in the floating VIP platform, Frieza was gulping down antacids, as if they were candy, and Coola was groaning and shaking his head. King Cold and Lady Caldair were trying to reassure each other the best they could that the worst was over.  
  
But now, as Chestra was levitating Dodoria off the stage, using her mind powers, Coola found it within himself to laugh. "Hahahaha! When are you and Dodoria planning to wed, little brother?"  
  
Frieza snarled, "On the day that you actually produce an heir to take your place on the throne!" Coola cut his eyes hatefully at his brother's words, for everyone in their family knew that in spite of Coola's numerous liaisons, both forced and consensual, with healthy young women of various species, no offspring had ever resulted from those encounters. It was a subject that Coola was sensitive about, especially since King Cold had started applying pressure for him to produce an heir, preferably a male one, if possible. And of course the subject of Coola's lack of children was yet another one of Frieza's favorite things to torment his elder brother about. Frieza had not been reported publicly to have any children either, but since he was not the crown heir, it did not matter so much, as far as King Cold was concerned.  
  
"Enough, both of you!" King Cold ordered his quarreling sons. "Let's just hope that Hickey and the others involved in the beauty contest can recover from this fiasco."  
  
"Of course they will, Father," Frieza retorted. "All of my beauty contests so far have been great successes. This year will be no different."  
  
Coola crossed his arms and replied confidently, "Except that my beautiful Karilyn will be this year's Miss Frieza."  
  
"No, it will be your sister, Snowflake, who wins this year," King Cold argued pleasantly, looking lovingly down on Caldair. Caldair smiled tenderly at the only love of her life that she ever had.  
  
Both Frieza and Coola snorted at their father's words, and Coola cast a secret, deadly glare in the direction of two certain Saiyan judges. Nappa and Raditz better pick Karilyn, or both of them would be deprived of all of the protruding parts of their pathetic monkey bodies!  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Backstage…  
  
"I am SO thirsty!" Karilyn gushed to the other beauty contestants, as she adjusted a skinny strap on her skimpy, fluorescent pink bikini that she was certain would drive Nappa and Raditz wild with desire, thus ensuring her victory as Miss Frieza. Her nipples poked discreetly through the thin fabric.  
  
"Me too," Snowflake agreed with her brother's mistress, as she studied herself in the mirror. Snowflake's glittering silver, strapless, one-piece swimsuit with a plunging back complemented her lavender hair and violet eyes. Her pale hair was waved in soft, gentle cascades down her bare back. "Let's try some of that punch," she suggested in her usual clipped, cultured voice, looking towards the refreshment table.   
  
She and Karilyn glided gracefully over to the refreshment table, where a bevy of bathing suit and bikini-clad beauties were sipping down cup after cup of the fruity beverage. Cypress, Reccoom, Journa, and Eclipse strolled casually behind them, waiting their turns at the punch bowl. Journa stared angrily into the back of Cypress's fiery mane, despising her for the way she had deceived Vegeta into believing that she and he had something going and then playing with Frieza behind his back. Unfortunately, their greedy fellow contestants had, by then, nearly consumed almost every drop. By the time, the last six contestants had arrived for their share of champagne punch, there remained in the crystalline bowl only enough for one cup.   
  
The contestants staggered away from the punch bowl slowly, bumping into each other, and a green cat-alien lady with three catlike tails on her bottom and two blue antennae on her head sang loudly, "Woo-hoo! I am the Champagne Queen, young and free, only seventeen…" She twirled about and leapt around her fellow contestants, laughing wildly in a screeching voice between the words of her impromptu song. She had white hair and it flew behind her like a cirrus cloud. With bloodshot eyes and a slack smile, she collapsed to the floor in a drunken heap.  
  
"Must be some strong champagne," Journa commented wryly. "Hope she can still get up in time for the swimsuit session."  
  
Cypress shook her elegant head. "Some just can't hold their punch, I suppose."  
  
Journa quipped, "I doubt she could hold her breath as much punch as she drank."  
  
Karilyn scoffed. "I just wish that the 'Champagne Queen' had left more for her subjects."  
  
Smoothing out her shimmering, navy-blue one-piece with a hole cut out to expose her flat stomach, Cypress then whispered to Reccoom, "Better let Lady Snowflake have that last cup; she is King Cold's daughter."  
  
"I'm thirsty though," Reccoom whispered back in protest.  
  
"Just remember who she's related to, Reccoom. She outranks all of us here."  
  
Reccoom consented reluctantly, although his throat felt dry and parched. Cypress sympathized with him, and Lady Snowflake was known to usually be more generous than her dangerous older half-brothers, but why take chances? Respectfully, she pulled back and took Reccoom by his arm and drew him back too.  
  
"We're not that thirsty," Cypress lied too easily, fluffing out her flame-colored hair.  
  
Journa had overheard Cypress's earlier whispers, and she whispered to Eclipse, "As angry as I am with her for what she did to my brother, she's right. Let Lady Snowflake have the last cup, for she is Lord Frieza's sister." Eclipse nodded, immediately seeing the wisdom of Journa's words. Both ladies swallowed heavily, hoping to refresh their thirst the best they could.   
  
Straightening the slim strap of her burgundy one-piece, Journa coughed loudly. "Punch isn't really my thing, more partial to the harder stuff myself."   
  
Karilyn's throat was arid, and she had been looking forward to some of that fruity punch, but very reluctantly, she took Journa's overheard words to Eclipse to heart. She may have been Lord Coola's favorite concubine, but even the most favored of concubines had to submit to royalty, such as her master's sister.  
  
"Last cup is for you, Lady Snowflake," Karilyn told her graciously.  
  
"Are you sure?" Snowflake asked kindly. "Because if anyone else wished for a drink-"  
  
Everyone quickly waved away her protests, and, feeling guilty for not sharing with the others, Snowflake hesitantly scooped out the last of the champagne punch with the glass tureen and poured it into a sparkling, crystal cup.   
  
As Snowflake sipped the tangy beverage languidly, Journa inched further back. She backed away further until she bumped into a gigantic, pale humanoid woman twice her height and three times her size. She had a titanic-sized bosom, long, stringy beaded, black hair and huge, red eyes that seemed to stare straight into Journa. She smiled with a leer, as she wrapped her huge, meaty arms around the Saiyan princess. Journa glared at her darkly, with narrowed black pearl eyes.  
  
"May I help you?" she asked archly.  
  
"No, but you're nice and soft for a monkey girl," the intoxicated giantess crooned, cuddling Journa to her. "I've been waiting a long time for ya, sweetie. I'd sure love to hold your hand."  
  
Journa held her temper for now. She smiled serenely at the sloshed admirer. "Sure, you can hold my hand."  
  
But as soon, as the delighted giantess seized Journa's smaller hand with a viselike grip, Journa easily flung the obese female into the air, whirled her around twice by her hand and flung her into the wall, just barely missing Frieza's birthday cake. The giantess tried to rise to retaliate, but she then retched, returning the vast quantities of pink punch she had consumed to the cold, cracked stone floor. She then fainted.  
  
Cypress grinned at Journa. "So, tell me, is that how you normally treat your admirers?"  
  
"Yes, and women who lead my brother on," Journa snapped, no longer able to restrain herself around the woman who had unthinkingly played with her brother's emotions.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Cypress demanded to know indignantly, pulling herself to her full height and scowling darkly at her accuser.  
  
"Ooh," a titillated Karilyn cooed. "This should be good. Tell us more!" Both Journa and Cypress glared at her, and if their looks had been fatal, Karilyn would have been a pile of white ashes. Fortunately, Coola's favorite female took the hint and said not another word..  
  
"You know well what I'm talking about, you hussy from King Cold!" Journa sneered.  
  
"Princess Journa, please," Eclipse pleaded. "Now's not the time or place-"  
  
"This is between me and the she-thing who played with my brother!" Journa hissed. "She flirted with Vegeta, letting him think that she was interested in him, and then she went to Frieza's room not too long ago and screwed him!"  
  
Livid with rage, Cypress seized Journa by her arm and yanked the female Saiyan to her, holding her tightly. Karilyn and Eclipse looked on worriedly, but since neither one of them were warriors, they weren't about to get involved in what was going on between two obviously dangerous females. Snowflake was still consuming her punch, and she already seemed to be oblivious to what was going on around her, and that was unusual for the normally observant daughter of King Cold.  
  
But a grinning Reccoom was cheering, pumping his right fist up and down. "All right, a catfight! Go, ladies, go! Get it on!"  
  
"SHUT UP, RECCOOM!" both Cypress and Journa snapped at him. Reccoom groaned softly in disappointment, but he fell silent.  
  
"Let me go now!" Journa warned her captor.  
  
Narrowing her eyes, Cypress growled, and for some reason, there was a familiar menacing tone that stirred panic in the Saiyan princess, panic that only few could create within her.   
  
But then Cypress took a deep breath, and although her grip on Journa's arm didn't loosen, her voice was suddenly less threatening than before. Thickly, she said, "No, Journa, not now. You and I need to talk alone, and I will explain everything that's going on with me-on one condition."  
  
"What's that?" Journa hissed.  
  
"You keep your mouth shut about what I'm about to tell you in private until after this contest is over." Cypress then whispered in a lower tone, "Because if you don't, the lives of your boyfriend and his buddy could end today."  
  
"What the hell do you mean?" Journa cried out too loudly, but Cypress clamped her hand over her mouth. Everyone stared at them, including the intoxicated women who could still stand, but Cypress glared at them all warningly. She snorted in an unladylike manner, as more and more of the females either acted insanely or fell down into drunken stupors.   
  
"Get back to whatever you ladies were doing earlier," Cypress snapped at them. "None of you were invited in this conversation."  
  
"She certainly is rude," Karilyn said contemptuously to Eclipse, who wisely remained quiet.  
  
Cypress slightly loosened her grip on Journa's muscled arm, but started to drag her away with her to the ladies' restroom. Journa, now anxious for the lives of Raditz and Nappa, followed her into the restroom. But no one paid attention to them at that point, for all the drunken contestants had turned their attention to an inebriated Snowflake.  
  
"Girls!" the favorite daughter of King Cold cried out happily to her fellow contestants. "I have an idea that's going to liven up this swimsuit contest…make it an event that my brother, Frieza, sure won't forget!"   
  
She giggled incoherently, as she stumbled and flung herself about the room, crashing her slender hips and limbs into the glasses and bowls on the table, knocking them to the floor. Snowflake then placed the now empty champagne bowl on her head, and the bowl came down to her eyes.   
  
"How's everyone like my new crown design?" she asked, laughing stupidly.  
  
"We love it, Lady Snowflake!" everyone declared.  
  
Karilyn giggled at Lady Snowflake's antics, while Eclipse shook her turquoise head sadly and pitied the poor girl. It was obvious that not everyone in Cold royalty could handle alcohol, and high tolerance to alcohol was considered an especial Cold family trait.  
  
"Lady Snowflake, perhaps you should sit down," she suggested kindly, as she took Snowflake's arm gently.  
  
"Sit down! Me? Sit down! Yeah, right!" Snowflake screamed excitedly, as she lovingly touched the punch bowl on her head. "We have a beauty contest to win, including me!"  
  
"But what is your idea, Lady Snowflake?" Karilyn asked impatiently. "We're supposed to go out there any minute. I heard Hickey saying so, and I also heard one of the crew backstage saying something about Commander Dodoria making a complete moron of himself on stage earlier, but now they're finished cleaning up his mess."  
  
"Oh, you'll luuuuuuuve my idea, Kari, I promise youuuuu!" Snowflake replied in a cheerful slur. "Gather 'round, girlies, 'cause I'm going to tell you, how we're really going to liven up my bro's barrrrrthday!"  
  
Giggling and cheering, the intoxicated contestants clustered around Snowflake, and she giddily told them her idea, for how they were to present themselves in the swimsuit session.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Cypress worriedly pushed open the three stall doors and looked around frantically to make sure that no one was in the restroom with her and Journa.  
  
"What is going on here? And why would Raditz and Nappa be in danger? It's just a stupid beauty contest, for Kami's sake!" Journa cried impatiently.  
  
"Just shut up and listen." Cypress's normal mannerly, seductive veneer was becoming brusquer every minute. "And you might as well sit yourself on the counter, because what I have say and what I have to show you is going to take a few mins."  
  
"We can't take too long," Journa told her. "If we miss the swimsuit session, we're likely to get disqualified."  
  
"I won't take too long with this, I promise."  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
At long last, it was time for the swimsuit session to finally begin. The men in the audience jumped up and down and hooted and hollered.  
  
"Yeah, swimsuit time! Bikinis galore!"  
  
"C'mon, ladies!"  
  
Even Nappa and Raditz clapped their hands together, excitedly awaiting the arrival of the beautiful contestants. Hickey twirled around on one foot happily, and he scratched behind his giant ear, as he spoke softly, "Now it's time for the swimsuit session." That soft tone was equivalent, of course, to a voice coming through a megaphone.  
  
"Yeah, all right!"  
  
"Come on, ladies! Let's see those hot bodies!"  
  
"I've got all your numbers, girlies!"  
  
"Silence, please for now," Hickey said quietly, holding out his hand. "Now, we're presenting our bathing beauties."  
  
And coming out from backstage, were all young women of many races, drunk, but present. They came out, walking proudly and waving to the men, wearing great, dazzling smiles. Despite Hickey's orders for silence, many of the men once again began with their catcalls and shouts of praise and pick-up lines.  
  
But this time, the cries were even louder and more disrespectful and raucous than before, and Hickey repeatedly begged the men to be quiet, but the men laughed and ignored them. Hectar even shouted back to Hickey:  
  
"Ya better look behind ya, and you'll be wanting to jump those women's bones too!"  
  
Against his better judgment, Hickey turned around slowly, and his jaw dropped when he saw the women walking around in a slow oval, waving without a care in the world. His eyes bulged with horror, as he witnessed the women laughing and wearing those huge, bright, white smiles.  
  
Unfortunately, the smiles were the only things that the women were wearing.   
  
"No way," Hickey moaned loudly, forgetting to modify his tone. "I won't live past today for this! No!"  
  
He sank to his knees and trembled, as he, like the boisterous men in the audience watched, as the naked young women displayed their bare bodies of an assortment of attractive shapes and forms in full glory. The humanoid women jiggled their perky, well-formed bosoms and bottoms, as the reptilian women seductively swished their uncovered tails and hips back and forth for everyone to see. The mammalian and avian women had no objections to showing off the most intimate parts of their bodies. The only women who were still clothed were Karilyn and Eclipse, who were too embarrassed to look anyone in their faces, but a grinning Reccoom was strolling behind the unclothed women, having no shame in watching them stroll around nude. Strangely enough, he had wanted to join the drunken women in stripping himself of his feminine swimwear, but fortunately, for the onlookers, Eclipse had talked him out of it. Journa and Cypress were not present.   
  
A nude Snowflake was wearing nothing but her smile and the champagne bowl on her head, and she waved at her parents, shouting, "Hello, Father and Mother! Look at me!"  
  
At this time, Frieza was finishing off what antacids he had left, and Coola shook his head in disgust at Snowflake's behavior. He said nastily to his father, "So, Father, what do you think of your perfect little daughter now? Daddy's sweet little girl has grown up, and apparently she wants all the men here to know it!"  
  
"Shut up!" King Cold roared, as he cuffed Coola hard on his head, hard enough to cause Coola to nearly fall off of the floating VIP platform.  
  
"Hahahahaha, Coola got in trouble again!" Frieza jeered. He would have teased his brother further, but then his stomach started eating itself once more, and he cried out. Realizing that he was now out of antacids, he barely managed to contact Zarbon on his scouter to demand that Zarbon have more medicine brought to him.  
  
Meanwhile, King Cold was horrified at Snowflake's actions; he was shocked and worried, and Caldair was in tears. What could be causing Snowflake to be acting this way? Snowflake was not the sort of young lady who allowed herself to become drunk! She sobbed into King Cold's leg, as King Cold shakily pressed a button on his scouter to contact Brutu. In a trembling voice, he asked Brutu to go onstage and carry Snowflake away before she embarrassed herself any further. Brutu, of course, was willing to do as his king had requested, but his king gave him one final request:  
  
"Withdraw my daughter from the beauty contest when you pass the judges. No beauty contest is worth this humiliation for her."  
  
"Of course, sire, whatever you say."  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
"Amazing," Nappa said, just before he emitted a low whistle. "I haven't seen this many women nude since I was on that comfort planet, Algor, five years ago. Course, even though they're naked, they still don't compare to Eclipse, but…wow!"  
  
"That reminds me," Raditz said slowly, as he was unable to draw his eyes away from the inebriated, nude young ladies. But then his facial expression hardened, and his voice rose. "Where's Journa? I'm just thankful that she's not out here right now! If she were among these women, and any of those morons in the audience were making dirty remarks to her, I'd slaughter as many of them as I could! And then I'd chain her to the bed for the next millennium!"  
  
"I'm just so glad that Eclipse kept her clothes on," Nappa sighed with much relief. "I didn't think Frieza was allowing nudity this year, although I know that a lot of men wanted it."  
  
"Look, Nappa, there's King Cold's Head Commander, Brutu!" Raditz cried out, pointing to where King Cold's most trusted officer was gently escorting a dancing, laughing, naked Snowflake off of the stage. Brutu was three times Snowflake's height and five times her size, and he resembled a silvery-gray rhinoceros with a black head, brown horns, and somber green eyes. He was known to be a fair and just man…as fair and just as he could be, considering that King Cold was his employer, and that he was fiercely loyal to his liege.   
  
A few minutes later, Snowflake had fainted into a drunken stupor, and Brutu tenderly carried her offstage, as he walked past the Saiyan judges. He spoke to them in a brief, gruff voice what King Cold had ordered, and after he left, the tremendous relief that Nappa and Raditz felt after he and Snowflake had left them was too miraculous to be described. If they hadn't been hardened warriors and Saiyans, they would have wept for joy. 


	12. Chapter Eleven: Down To Five

Chapter Eleven: Down To Five  
  
"Journa, we don't have time for this! Wake up!"  
  
Journa was leaning against the cracked tiles, as she sat on the floor with her legs spread out. She was mumbling incoherently, "No, Father, I don't want to go train today! That skinny white lizard with the horns, that fat pink puffball, and that green, cross-dressing pretty boy always make fun of me!"  
  
Cypress's palm smacked Journa's unmoving cheeks several times. She couldn't believe that Journa had fainted! Sure, her secret and her real reasons as to why she was here on Frieza's ship and in his beauty contest would have been hard for even a Kami to take, but still! Ah, well, at least she had managed to tell Journa about Karilyn's conspiring with Coola, so that she could win the beauty contest, before Journa had passed out.  
  
"JOURNA! GET UP!" And Cypress slapped Journa's face again, with her strong palms nearly breaking Journa's left cheekbone.  
  
"OW!" Journa screamed in pain and anger, as she awoke abruptly. She then slowly touched her aching cheeks. "What'd you do to me? It was bad enough what you showed me earlier! How's my brother going to react?"  
  
"Probably about the same Frieza will when he finds out what I've been hiding. But, come on, we've got to figure out a way to stop Karilyn!"  
  
"Can't we just tell Frieza? I'm sure he'd love to have a new reason to make his brother's life hell."  
  
"I agree with that, but we've still got to do this quietly, Journa, so that once Coola finds out he and his little paramour have been busted, it won't trace back to us."  
  
"Do you have a plan to pull this off, so we, or Raditz and Nappa, don't wind up Coola's next candidates for target practice?"  
  
Cypress was quiet. Finally, she said wearily, "To be honest with you, Journa, not yet. Unfortunately, we're going to have to make this up, as we go along. No matter how we pull this off, exposing Coola isn't going to be easy without us ending up in the morgue. After we drop out of the contest, it'll be easier to bring him and Karilyn down. Actually, now, I may have a tentative plan on how to reveal Coola's scheme, but it'll have to wait until we're out of that contest. Fortunately, we're likely to get disqualified anyway."  
  
"Good," Journa agreed. "I was getting tired of those pervs in the audience anyway."  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Half an hour passed before things returned to normal…well, as normal as it could be, considering all that happened. Hickey had called an intermission, to give everyone time to calm down (and for Zarbon to obtain more antacids for Frieza). The intoxicated contestants were all immediately disqualified on Frieza and Hickey's orders, and Journa and Cypress had been missing the entire time during the swimsuit session, so they had to be declared ineligible to participate further as well. Which left only three contestants: Karilyn, Eclipse, and Reccoom.  
  
Of course, the fact that only three contestants remained for the talent and the interview sessions did not go well with Frieza. Backstage, he didn't hesitate to let poor Hickey, who cowered in fear against the wall, know how displeased he was.   
  
"I can't believe, Hickey, that you allowed Dodoria to make a fool out of all of us! What will you thinking allowing him to do a striptease?" Frieza glared menacingly at Hickey, as his ridged tail swished back and forth.  
  
With large tears in his eyes, Hickey sobbed, clasping his hands, and looking at Frieza beseechingly. "P-Please, sire, I didn't know that Commander Dodoria was going to do what he did. He only told me th-that he was going to-to sing; he didn't tell me about undress-dressing himself! Please, forgive me, Lord Frieza! If I had known, I would have certainly tried to stop him!" His loud voice shook the walls of the backstage room, and his powerful tone was enough to shake the furniture and topple the refreshment table, spilling cakes, meats, breads, dishes and utensils all over the floor. Light bulbs and ballasts exploded and shattered at the strength of Hickey's terrified voice.  
  
Frieza felt himself panic at the way the room he and Hickey were in was rapidly collapsing. Hurriedly, he clamped his hand over Hickey's mouth. "All right, all right! Enough! Don't say another word, or you're likely to wreck this entire auditorium-and possibly my whole ship! Take a deep breath and calm down!"  
  
Hickey nodded, still in shock, and after Frieza released his mouth, he took a couple of breaths. His giant, square ears were still trembling, but he was slowly calming down, seeing that Frieza wasn't going to end his life at this time.  
  
Frieza sighed, as he paced the floor relentlessly in front of Hickey, who was still panting. "Three contestants left…how can we have a beauty contest, a good one, with only three contestants. I saw Journa and Cypress among the contestants earlier, Hickey, but they weren't in the swimsuit session. What happened to them?"  
  
"I-I wish I knew, Lord Frieza," Hickey whispered as low as he could. "But I don't. They disappeared shortly after they and the other ladies went backstage for refreshments. I don't understand how they became drunk from that champagne punch, sire; they shouldn't have. The alcohol content in the punch couldn't even get Eyelet drunk; Tipsy told me so himself when he made it for the contestants. This makes no sense, sire."  
  
"It is suspect," Frieza agreed, as he ran his ribbed tail through his long, thin fingers.   
  
"Someone had to have spiked the punch, and if that's the case, the culprit or culprits involved will be severely punished. Who was allowed backstage besides Dodoria and the contestants?"  
  
Hickey tried to think, but he couldn't come up with anyone except for stage crewmembers. As he rattled off names to Frieza, a purple speck with neon-green wings zipped into the room, coming to an abrupt stop in front of Frieza and Hickey.  
  
"Eyelet?" Frieza asked.  
  
"Si-sire, Tipsy and I think we can figure out how those poor ladies became drunk so easily. He told me that someone stole a bottle of Dezarc from his liquor supplies. One shot of Dezarc is equivalent to drinking twelve Crystal Blue Persuasions or five glasses of champagne. Now we may be wrong on this, sire, but those ladies behaved, as if they each had two or three shots of Dezarc. Dezarc can make people act really crazy."  
  
Frieza sighed wearily. Some birthday this was turning out to be. Did any other great ruler ever have the problems he had endured on what should have been the most special day of the Icein year?  
  
Shaking his head, he thanked Eyelet and told her to go back to Tipsy. He then entered Jaden's scouter code on his scouter to contact her. Jaden was among the minority of soldiers not attending the beauty contest, and so Frieza could make use of her at this moment. He decided to have Jaden order bedroom inspections immediately and take along Diamonique, who too had abstained from seeing the contest, to search for an empty bottle of Dezarc. If such a bottle was discovered, Jaden and Diamonique were to arrest anyone involved immediately.   
  
"Jaden, Jaden, are you there?"  
  
No answer.  
  
"Jaden! Answer me!"  
  
No response still.  
  
"JADEN!"  
  
Frustrated, Frieza finally gave up and decided to contact Diamonique instead. She would lead the bedroom inspections.  
  
"I am going to turn Jaden into matching luggage the next time I see her!" Frieza fumed, as he entered Diamonique's scouter code.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Resting on Jaden's nightstand was her scouter, something that she never left behind under normal circumstances. All was silent in her frugally decorated suite, which contained little more than furniture, giant pillows on the floor, a fully stocked refrigerator, and two pictures on the walls. The bathroom was as plain as the rest of the suite, again with only basic necessities.  
  
Jaden was nowhere to be found.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
"Of course, sire, consider it done," Diamonique told Frieza sweetly, as she stood in the back next to the double doors of the auditorium.  
  
She chuckled after she and Frieza broke off communication. Even the great Frieza could be fooled at times! And she was actually one step ahead of everyone! She had already poured the remaining Dezarc into her toilet and flushed it away. Now, she just had to dispose of the bottle, and no one would be able to trace the stolen Dezarc back to her.  
  
Her painted, silvery-blue lips curved into a bigger smile, and she lifted her chin in delight. She knew just how to get rid of the bottle of Dezarc…oh, she would find it all right, but someone else would take the credit for spiking the champagne punch.  
  
Framing someone else for her little transgression…perfect! And she had several "candidates" in mind for just who should blamed for the stolen Dezarc and tainted punch.  
  
It had not made her day when she discovered that, among the gaggle of intoxicated women being led to the detoxification room in Medical, neither Cypress nor Reccoom had been present. She had heard it announced over the intercom that only Reccoom, Eclipse, and some whore of Coola's named Karilyn were the only women eligible to remain in the contest. But Cypress had not been among the drunken women, so where was she?  
  
Well, it didn't really matter. Cypress was obviously out of the contest, so there was little point in seeking further revenge against the fox-tailed beauty. But Cypress did lead Vegeta on and play him like a fool. She managed to get Cypress in trouble with Vegeta, so why not with Frieza? That red-haired wench would be taught a lesson that she'd never forget…if, Frieza didn't have her executed for her actions.  
  
Sometimes, justice did exist, after all. Framing Cypress would be so easy! That whore deserved what she was about to get.  
  
So, sweetly, Diamonique snuck out of the auditorium, so that she could reenter backstage without being caught.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
"What the hell do you mean you're dropping out?" Frieza demanded to know of Cypress, Eclipse, and Journa. Normally, Frieza didn't curse, but he had not been in the best mood to begin with when Cypress quietly announced that she and Journa were withdrawing as contestants. Eclipse then added that she was withdrawing, as well, and that had really annoyed Frieza, for Eclipse had been a Miss Frieza herself once.  
  
"Do you three ladies realize that there will only be TWO contestants left in the contest?" he fumed.  
  
Cypress had quipped, "Well, look it at this way: Nappa and Raditz will have an easier and quicker job, and you'll get to eat your birthday cake much sooner."   
  
"May as well skip to the final judging," Journa agreed.   
  
"I'm sure that either Karilyn or Reccoom will make a fine Miss Frieza…or in Reccoom's case, Mr. Miss Frieza," Eclipse added serenely.  
  
Frieza narrowed his eyes at them, and his facial features contorted. "You three are not dropping out, do you understand me? There is no point in having a contest with only two contestants!"  
  
"So cancel the contest," Journa suggested casually, hoping for Raditz and Nappa's sakes that Frieza would do just that.  
  
"I AM NOT CANCELING THE CONTEST!" Frieza fumed, as his ki arose with his anger. Crackles of energy radiated from his body, and the room started shaking. The floor quaked beneath everyone's feet.   
  
He continued yelling, "YOU THREE WOMEN ARE NOT DROPPING OUT! I WILL NOT HAVE MY BEAUTY CONTEST MADE A LAUGHINGSTOCK!"  
  
Cypress was about to quip that the contest had already come to be just that-a laughingstock, but she wisely kept her mouth shut. Journa's intense worry for her mate and comrade was written on her face, and unshed tears hung in Eclipse's black gem eyes. The three unfortunate women looked at each other and then back at Frieza; they knew they had no choice, but to remain in the contest.   
  
"Now, are you three women remaining?" Frieza asked coolly.  
  
Three reluctant voices consented.  
  
"Good. As for me, I am going to try to enjoy the rest of my birthday. Hickey, announce Cypress and Journa as being eligible," Frieza ordered.  
  
Hickey, not trusting himself to speak, for fear that his answer would be too loud, only nodded nervously. He, and the women watched Frieza step back into his personal traveling pod and leave. Reluctantly, Hickey began to follow behind his liege, casting back one sympathetic look upon the three unwilling contestants.  
  
After Frieza and Hickey left, Journa sighed. "Now what are we going to do?"  
  
"We'll have to see this through to the end," Eclipse replied mournfully. "And not take it personally when our mates have to pick other women to be Miss Frieza."  
  
Cypress was cursing under her breath. Great! Just great! How would they expose Karilyn, now that they would be forced to remain in the contest?  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Twenty minutes later…  
  
"I'm chained to you with love, chained to you with love, chained to you with LUUUUUVE!"  
  
Karilyn was screeching, as she swiveled her curvy hips on stage, singing a love song to Coola, for her act in the talent session. Normally, she would have been doing a striptease for Coola at the same time, but she knew that Coola wouldn't like it, if she were to do it in front of the men in the audience. Coola on the VIP platform was applauding softly and smiling.  
  
"With yoouuu, I never want to be freeeee!"  
  
Unfortunately, Coola was the only one smiling during Karilyn's performance. No one else in the auditorium shared his high opinion of Karilyn's high-pitched, cacophonous singing voice.  
  
"I am BOUND to YOU, my luuuuuuve!"   
  
Vegeta, still sitting next to Zarbon, quipped, "Dodoria with a sore throat sings better than that wench of Coola's does."  
  
Against his will, Zarbon laughed softly, and Chestra tried not to smile, as Karilyn finally finished her performance:   
  
"You kept me chained to you with chaaaaains of luuuuuuve!"  
  
Everyone clapped, whistled, and cheered, and Karilyn bowed graciously with a triumphant smile. She didn't know that they were applauding her because she had finally finished her torturous assault upon everyone's ears.  
  
Nappa and Raditz were frowning, as they made marks on their scorecards. It had already been announced that the entire swimsuit session would be left out of the judging this year, much to the angry disappointment of the males in the audience. So, the Saiyan judges only had to include the results of the eveningwear, talent, and interview sessions.  
  
Other than Karilyn's pitiful musical attempts, the talent portion had gone fairly well. Cypress had been dressed a glittering black, low-cut bodysuit, and her act had included her becoming a "humanoid pretzel" with her stretching out her limbs at impossible lengths, and even more impossible positions. She had tied her body into different kinds of knots, earning her applause from the audience. Vegeta was still angry with her over the Frieza incident, but even he admitted that not everyone could do what she could, and he had applauded with everyone else when Cypress had finished.  
  
Journa had demonstrated an ancient Saiyan dance that she combined with her fighting techniques, and the men had rooted and cheered, a few members even suggesting that she demonstrate further with them in the bedroom. Unfortunately, after Vegeta had heard their remarks, he had fired small ki blasts at them, and the soldiers, being Low-Levels, were now on the way to the infirmary. The Saiyan prince wasn't happy that his sister had entered the beauty contest, but that didn't mean he'd let anyone insult her. Only he had that right.  
  
Eclipse had done a combined dance-and-song routine, singing a love ballad. She had been a silvery butterfly fluttering about the stage, streaming colorful scarves behind her in shades of rose, plum, lilac, emerald, and sapphire. And her performance had been met with great enthusiasm from the audience as well.   
  
As Raditz made the last mark on his scorecard for Karilyn, Reccoom bounded onto the stage happily. Vegeta grinned, as he lay back in his seat. He said to Zarbon triumphantly, "Now, watch a real performer in action!"  
  
"Hmmph!" Zarbon snorted. "Hopefully, whatever act he's planned will be more original than his poses."  
  
"Oh, you'll see, Zarbon, and then you'll want to go root through Chestra's closet the instant Reccoom finishes. Had to get a little help from Ginyu, but even you will be amazed at the results."  
  
Zarbon yawned, bored. "Sure, Vegeta, but let's see if Reccoom can put his performance where your mouth is."  
  
"Of course he will, and then you'll put your foot where your mouth is."  
  
"I'll do that on your and Diamonique's wedding day."  
  
Vegeta growled, "You're asking for me to be your executioner, aren't you?" He clenched his fists, but Zarbon laughingly waved him off.   
  
Hickey then announced as softly as possible for him, "And now for Reccoom's act for the talent session-unfortunately, he has insisted on keeping what he's up to as a surprise, so…presenting…whatever he's doing."  
  
Mild cheers and some booing greeted Hickey's words, as Reccoom strutted to the front of the stage, dressed happily in more masculine clothing, something that Vegeta had managed to have allowed, thanks to Jaden's earlier intervention for him with Frieza today. Reccoom was dragging a cart behind him that contained a giant, red rubber ball, tied down with twine. In Reccoom's hand was a plastic bag, and steam was escaping from it. Those in the front rows could smell cooked hamburger, chili, and cheese. Reccoom grinned, ignoring the strange looks (and hungry expressions) that he was witnessing.  
  
Joyously, he freed the red ball from its confines and rolled it onto the stage. He steadied it until it remained still, and then he levitated into the air. When he was suspended above his huge ball, he emptied the plastic sack of cooked mini chili cheeseburgers into his arms. Then he lowered himself as gracefully as he could for a man his size onto the ball's surface.  
  
As the ball started rolling, Reccoom started jogging on the ball's surface, driving the ball around the stage without slipping off of it. As soon as he was adjusted to staying on the ball, he began to juggle his cheeseburgers. Fully concentrated, he began rolling around the stage in a circle, staying on the ball and juggling his cheeseburgers rapidly.  
  
Even the most doubtful people in the audience began to cheer Reccoom on. Hoots, hollers, and whistles of genuine appreciation welcomed the bulky Ginyu Force member, as he continued riding the ball and juggling his sandwiches. Nappa and Raditz themselves couldn't help but grin, as they watched Reccoom.   
  
But Reccoom's act wasn't over yet, for as he came around the stage another time, he juggled the mini cheeseburgers higher, and as they landed towards his huge jaw, Reccoom gobbled them down, one-by-one, without losing his balance on the ball. Once he had consumed the final sandwich, he stylishly leapt off of the ball and landed on his feet onto the stage with a flourish.  
  
"Ta-da!" he announced happily.  
  
"YEAH, GO RECCOOM!" everyone cheered, either clapping their hands or pumping their fists up and down.  
  
Vegeta smiled at his contestant, and then he shot Zarbon a victorious smirk. Zarbon looked considerably pained at this point, and his anxiety only increased Vegeta's pleasure. He caught Chestra look at Zarbon sympathetically, but he favored her with his smirk as well.   
  
But as Reccoom, was standing onstage, the crimson ball spun towards him…  
  
"Look out!" everyone shouted, but it was already too late, for the ball bumped into Reccoom, rolled under his body, and forced him to nearly tumble off the stage. He barely caught himself in mid-air just in time.  
  
But that last disaster didn't matter, for Nappa and Raditz had concededly gave him the highest marks for the talent session.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Vegeta continued basking in Reccoom's glory, and he kept rubbing his and Reccoom's success in Zarbon's face. "Hope you already picked out your nightgown to wear," he told Zarbon. It had taken all of Zarbon's remaining dignity to prevent him from flicking Vegeta off.  
  
Vegeta decided to get up and leave to actually congratulate Reccoom for a job well done so far. As he left Zarbon and Chestra, he casually strolled towards the backstage, as if he himself belonged there.  
  
As he headed backstage, he saw Diamonique with her rash-ravaged face leave towards the exit door-and carrying Cypress's evening gown! Vegeta, suspicious, decided to shadow her. What was she up to?  
  
Diamonique whispered in a purr, as she quietly pressed a button to raise the exit door, "I must thank you, dear Cypress. I apologize that you'll be blamed for the spiked punch and those drunken women, but I, being a Top Elite Officer, can't very well get in trouble with Frieza, now can I? Once Frieza finds that bottle of Dezarc on you in your dress, instead of me, well…I'll be there to comfort Vegeta after you're gone."  
  
"You really think so, my dear Diamonique?"  
  
Diamonique whipped around, and her jaw dropped. Her peachy-blue skin drained of all color when she saw the deadly expression on Vegeta's face.  
  
"V-Vegeta? When did you get here?" she blubbered. But she quickly came up with a good excuse. She just hoped Vegeta would buy it.  
  
"You must have heard me speaking…but, that's all right, really. You see; I'm taking revenge for you on Cypress. I did mean to get Cypress drunk, but apparently that didn't work, so I'm framing her instead. You will be avenged, and Cypress will receive what she richly deserves for betraying you the way that she did." She strolled towards Vegeta and ran her slim fingers along his cheek.  
  
"Think about it, Vegeta. Don't you think that a player like Cypress has earned this?"  
  
Vegeta leaned in closer to Diamonique's ear, and he smiled slyly, as he whispered, "Oh, I agree that players deserve what they get, Diamonique."  
  
Diamonique giggled, as she pressed herself against Vegeta's body and wrapped one slender arm around his neck. She continued caressing his face, and she drew her face down towards his with her lips slightly parted.  
  
"I knew you'd come to your senses," she purred.  
  
"Oh, I have, my dear," Vegeta replied. He didn't pull away from her, as she leaned into him. He asked serenely, "So, you spiked some punch with Dezarc, just to get revenge on Cypress for me?"  
  
"Absolutely, my prince. Unfortunately, it seems that she didn't drink any of it, so I had to resort to more drastic measures. Once Cypress is exposed as the one who spiked the punch, well…you'll finally be avenged for how she treated you."  
  
"I'm sure that if Cypress is caught, Frieza would do her great harm, wouldn't he?" Vegeta asked easily.  
  
"Yes, he would, Vegeta. I would do anything for you by now, don't you realize that?"  
  
Vegeta continued smiling. "I agree that there are no limits as to what you would do."  
  
"You're right about that, my prince. In fact, I'm thinking seriously about going beyond my limits right now. We have a little time, you and me, before I contact Frieza and turn Cypress in." Diamonique licked her pale blue lips seductively, as she smiled and rubbed herself against Vegeta.  
  
"I may have a rash on my face, handsome, but all you have to do is close your eyes and remember how I normally am." And after that, Diamonique guided her puckered lips towards Vegeta's and closed her eyes, breathlessly awaiting his response.  
  
Vegeta slowly glided his hands onto her shoulders and pulled her closer to him, slightly batting at her thigh with his tail. Diamonique wrapped one leg gently around his legs, as her lips came within millimeters of Vegeta's. Her hand continued to stroke his cheek lovingly. Vegeta favored her with his sexy smirk. 


	13. Chapter Twelve: And The Winner Is

Chapter Twelve: And The Winner Is…  
  
Diamonique repeated, "Like I said, Prince, just remember how I usually am." Her lips slowly brushed against Vegeta's.  
  
"That shouldn't be hard at all," Vegeta whispered as Diamonique rubbed herself against him once more, stroking his leg with hers.   
  
Vegeta's hands tightened on Diamonique's slender shoulders. Slowly he began pushing her towards the wall. She relaxed and purred, deep and soft.  
  
"Oh, Vegeta…" she murmured.  
  
He had her pressed between his hard-muscled body and the cold wall. His fingertips dug into her shoulders.  
  
"Whisper sweet nothings into my ear," she ordered in a loving whisper.  
  
He smirked wickedly, as his lips traveled to Diamonique's delicate ear. She smiled, as she awaited Vegeta's words. She closed her eyes and panted excitedly in quick, ragged breaths.  
  
And finally his long awaited words came…  
  
"You wench! You could have ruined everything!"  
  
"What?" she screamed.  
  
Vegeta seized her tighter and shook her roughly. "You could have caused Reccoom to be disqualified, if he had drank that punch! What the HELL was you thinking? You nearly forced me to lose my bet with Zarbon!"  
  
"Vegeta, now calm down," Diamonique pleaded.  
  
He growled, "You should consider yourself fortunate that I'm not going to report your part in this to Frieza!"  
  
She laughed nervously. "That's very gracious of you. So you do care for me at least a little bit?"  
  
"Not in the slightest," he told her icily. "You are nothing to me in that capacity. I am sparing you from Frieza's wrath for one purpose only--to increase Reccoom's chance for victory."  
  
"And just what would that be?" She was irritated that Vegeta was just using her, the way he always seemed to do.  
  
He replied coolly, "You're going to carry out your plan, exactly as how you said you would."  
  
Diamonique's face brightened. "Oh, well, thank you, Vegeta. I can't wait until Frieza finds the Dezarc bottle on-"  
  
He interrupted her. "With one exception."  
  
"Exception?"  
  
"Yes, exception. I didn't stutter. And you will carry this part out, if you don't want me to expose you to Frieza."  
  
"Oh, fine! So, just what do you want me to do?"  
  
With a chuckle, Vegeta replied, "Why frame Karilyn instead of Cypress, of course."  
  
*********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
Nappa and Raditz were interviewing the contestants. The interview subject this year was simple: "Describe Your Ideal Man". Normally the contestants would be judged on poise, articulacy, and honesty, but as the judges wanted to end the contest as soon as possible, both had decided not to be very particular. If the interviewees gave fairly sensible answers, they would receive generous marks.  
  
"My ideal man is tall, slim, yet with great muscles and purple and white skin. He'd be rich, powerful, and treat me like a princess. That's my Coola, of course!" Karilyn replied briefly with a giggle. Nappa visibly retched and Raditz quietly snickered, but they gave Karilyn a reasonable score anyway, since she had no more to say.  
  
Cypress, who was next, smiled slyly at the Saiyans. She swished her thick tail and slid her long fingers through her hair. Both Saiyans tried not to look at her for too long, but her tempting curves and seductive smile were hard to resist.  
  
"My ideal man?" Cypress asked, now grinning. "Well, gentlemen, I can't describe him."  
  
"And why not?" Nappa wanted to know.  
  
"Because I'm really into women."  
  
"WHAT?" both Saiyan judges exclaimed.  
  
Frieza, in the VIP platform, spat out some wine. "WHAT? HOW ARE YOU INTO WOMEN?"  
  
"But you were flirting with both Vegeta and Frieza-" Raditz began.  
  
"Excuse me, gentlemen, but I don't see how that has anything to do with your question. Does my sexual orientation disqualify me?"  
  
"Um…of course not," Nappa replied quickly.  
  
"Yeah, no rules saying that lesbians can't enter," Raditz added nervously.  
  
Cypress smirked. "Good, but I'll describe my ideal man anyway. He'd have to be open-minded with a great sense of humor. Especially when it comes to jokes."  
  
"Jokes?" Raditz inquired, curious.  
  
A deep feminine chuckle followed. "That's right; especially since what I said about being a lesbian was a complete joke."  
  
"WHAT?" both Saiyans exclaimed again.  
  
Cypress grinned and chuckled. Frieza looked visibly pained, and the judges were recovering from their shock. Raditz was the first to be able to speak again.  
  
"Well, you've earned points for originality," Raditz commented, hoping that Cypress was done.  
  
"Thanks, gentlemen," she purred, uncrossing her long, slender legs. She winked at the men and left.  
  
*********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
"Um, guys, are you going to interview me or what?"  
  
Nappa gulped and nodded slowly at Reccoom. "Sure thing,"  
  
"Just one problem though," Reccoom said slowly. "I'm a man myself, and I'm not gay."  
  
Raditz bit his tongue to prevent himself from commenting that the way Reccoom danced and posed all the time left some room for doubt concerning his sexual orientation. Nappa merely grunted and shrugged his broad shoulders.  
  
"Ah, just describe your ideal woman then."  
  
Reccoom grinned. "Sure thing! She'd be young, of course, with nice boobs, a cute butt, great legs, long and soft hair, and willing to do anything to make me happy in bed.  
  
Nappa and Raditz couldn't but grin then; they could relate. "Anything else?" Raditz inquired.  
  
"Yeah, she's got to know how to dance and pose and be really strong! She'd have to be willin' to wrestle with me both in and out of the bedroom! She's got to be able to take anything I can give! And, well that's it."  
  
"Okay, good," Raditz chuckled, as he marked Reccoom's score. Reccoom's response wasn't stellar, but he had been given extra points for honesty.  
  
*********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
Journa winked at Raditz, and replied with a seductive smirk, "My ideal man? I'm looking at him, of course. He's from my own race, tall, beefy, gorgeous, with that long, thick hair that I can run my fingers through. And, of course, it helps that he's a great warrior with strength and honor. Everything I want in a man." Journa gave him a smile that was meant to be reassuring, but Raditz was so tense that he was afraid to acknowledge her too much.  
  
After Raditz and Nappa gave her a good score, Journa left and mouthed to Raditz, "It's going to be okay," and left. After she left, both Raditz and Nappa were drenched in sweat, and the two anxious Saiyans tried to steady their nerves when a gently smiling Eclipse glided herself into the chair where Journa had been sitting.  
  
*********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
"Well, there have been many men in my life," Eclipse replied sweetly, "but now, there's only one I would say is my ideal. Of course, he's strong and handsome, but underneath that 'tough guy' exterior is a man who's always been good to me. So he's my mate, but I also call him my…"  
  
*Please, please don't call me Cuddle-chimp * Nappa begged his mate silently.  
  
"One and only," Eclipse concluded, winking at him.  
  
Nappa breathed a sigh of relief, but his brow was washed in sweat. He looked sideways at Raditz; his partner's face was pale and anxious.  
  
Even though he was no telepath, Nappa knew what Raditz was thinking: how were they going to let their mates down easily, when it came to the final judging? They couldn't very well pick their mates for the winners…or could they?  
  
No, they couldn't! Completely out of the question. Frieza and everyone else would kill them! Vegeta would be the first in line, and then perhaps Coola.  
  
But if they didn't pick their women, they would surely never forgive them. No woman liked being passed over for another. Nappa chewed nervously on his lower lip, as Raditz slowly inquired, "Anything else?" Nappa kicked him under the table for prolonging the agony.  
  
Eclipse giggled. "Nope, that's it." She blew Nappa a kiss and arose to leave. After she was gone, Nappa was visibly relieved. He couldn't concentrate, and his tail lashed back and forth.   
  
Raditz gave Eclipse her scores, as his heart pounded rapidly; he was worried about how Journa was going react, if he didn't pick her for Miss Frieza. Anxiously, he studied the scores: Reccoom had scored highest in talent, but lowest in eveningwear (there weren't many men in Frieza's army that actually looked good in a dress). Karilyn, Eclipse, and Cypress, were tied in eveningwear at the highest; in interview, all scores were fairly even, and that was because the judges had given everyone good scores just to speed things up.  
  
And the final judging would include one last score: best overall. Both Saiyan judges knew honestly that Cypress and Reccoom and Eclipse were at the top, but Eclipse had won Miss Frieza before. But what if Eclipse still expected Nappa to choose her? And what about Journa? Journa was the Saiyan princess, and she would surely expect her fellow Saiyans to pick her as Miss Frieza. She wasn't as demanding as her brother, but still she was their princess and second in line for the Saiyan throne.  
  
But Coola expected Karilyn to win or else, and of course, Vegeta expected Reccoom to win or else. So obviously, either Karilyn or Reccoom would be the best choice, right?  
  
If Karilyn won, Coola would spare the two Saiyans and the most treasured parts of their anatomies. But Coola wouldn't be around or even care when Vegeta would eventually punish his men for disobeying him and causing him to lose the bet with Zarbon. But if they chose Reccoom, they would suffer just as badly.  
  
Either way, there would be hell to pay.  
  
Nappa and Raditz silently agreed that Cypress was a great choice for Miss Frieza; she was a looker, talented and witty. But as far as the beauty contest went, she was nobody; there was nothing to lose, if Cypress wasn't chosen. She could always be made a first or second runner-up.  
  
No matter how they looked at the situation, they were likely to die, or at least wind up permanently maimed or crippled. And if they did choose Reccoom or Karilyn, Journa and Eclipse would be furious. And then both Saiyans would likely die with their mates' anger fully intact.   
  
They didn't want to die with their women being angry with them; that much they knew. So, what were they going to do?  
  
Raditz scratched his head worriedly, as Nappa looked agitatedly around the auditorium. The bald Saiyan dared to take a quick glance towards the VIP platform, and Coola saw him and smiled malevolently. Coola silently pointed towards the backstage entrance with his tail, mouthed the word, "Karilyn", and then he drew his index finger across his neck in a cutting motion. Afterwards, he mouthed, "Or else."  
  
After that, Nappa quickly turned away, trembling. Raditz didn't reassure him, for he was too involved in watching the face of a certain Saiyan prince peeking in the doorway to the backstage. Vegeta was smiling confidently, crossing his arms and mouthing, "Remember…Reccoom…got it?" When Raditz didn't respond, Vegeta scowled and mouthed, "Right?" Unhappily, Raditz nodded, and Vegeta smirked in approval and disappeared.  
  
As Hickey announced to the audience that the judges would now began to make their decision, Raditz whispered to Nappa, "We're screwed, no matter whom we pick for Miss Frieza."  
  
"Yeah," Nappa moaned softly in response.  
  
"So, what are we going to do?"  
  
"What does it matter, Raditz? We're going to die after this contest is over. Face it; we're dead where we sit."  
  
"Didn't we say at one point we were going to do this with honor?"  
  
"Yeah, and normally I'd say you're right, but what good will that do us, when we're dead, and our mates hate our guts?"  
  
Raditz was thoughtful. "You have a point there. Hell, if our mates hadn't entered, I would have just gone along and voted for Cypress."  
  
"Same here, but Journa and Eclipse had to show up. Why did they have to pick this year to go for Miss Frieza?"  
  
"Believe me, I know! Maybe we should have told them the truth, and then they might have stayed out of the contest. But it's too late now, and we're stuck.   
  
"Yeah..." Nappa sighed.He frowned heavily for a few moments, but then, suddenly, a thought came to him.   
  
"But, you know something, Raditz? Since we're about to die, no matter what, why should we die with our women mad at us? They're going to be miserable enough when we're gone, but…we can give them a great parting gift."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Nappa smiled reflectively; now that he had just thought of this idea, he felt totally at peace. He leaned over and whispered in Raditz's ear his idea, and Raditz first looked at him in shock, but then, as Nappa spoke further, Raditz too was smiling.  
  
"Yeah, why not? Since we're about to be killed, we can lay our pride aside for just this once. At least when we die, we'll die happy, knowing we did something good."  
  
Nappa grinned and laid his hand on Raditz's shoulder in a rare display of friendship. "It's been good working with you, Raditz; I'll never forget all we did together, even if much of it was for Frieza."  
  
"Yeah, same here, Nappa. It's been fun, some of it; it wasn't all bad."  
  
"Nah, it wasn't. And our mates sure helped, didn't they?"  
  
"Yeah." And Raditz and Nappa shook hands with each other warmly. Nappa gestured to Hickey to come over to the judges' table, and Hickey hesitantly did.  
  
When the emcee arrived, Nappa, grinning widely, calmly and happily told Hickey who would become the next Miss Frieza and the next runner-ups. Hickey looked at him and Raditz, as if they were crazy, and he asked, if they were sure.  
  
Raditz chuckled. "We've never been more sure in our lives, Hick. Now go tell everyone what we decided."  
  
Hickey gulped, as he crept back towards the center stage. He just hoped that the audience and Lord Frieza wouldn't decide to kill the messenger. With his gigantic ears twitching fearfully, he took a very long time walking back to his spot.  
  
*********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
Coola was smirking, as Hickey hesitantly arrived at center stage. Any moment now, Hickey would be announcing Karilyn as Miss Frieza. That would make his day; perhaps Nappa and Raditz weren't as stupid as he had thought they were.  
  
Only briefly did he wonder why Frieza had so abruptly left for the backstage after he had received a scouter message from Diamonique. Ah, well; that was Frieza's problem, not his.  
  
Diamonique. Coola smiled wickedly to himself, as he thought of the sultry Gemstarian Top Elite, with her supple limbs and voluptuous figure. Not to mention that she was truly smart and wasn't afraid to go after whatever she wanted. Had Frieza ever thought of seducing her? If he had been Frieza, he would have already done so. He wouldn't have been surprised, if his brother had enjoyed Diamonique's charms at one time or another. He grinned; there was no reason why he couldn't find a way to get better acquainted with Frieza's most luscious Top Elite officer. He'd have to extend Diamonique a personal invitation to visit him someday. Karilyn would likely object, but she'd just have to learn to share him; he considered himself to be too much man for just one woman.  
  
But today, he'd let her have her day. He smiled smugly, waiting to hear that she had become Miss Frieza. He steered his traveling pod away from the VIP platform, until it was just above the stage, directly over Hickey, who was trembling violently, unwilling to speak.   
  
"C'mon, Hicks, tell us who won!"  
  
"Yeah, who won? Who won?"  
  
"We want to know, we want to know! NOW!" A series of indignant shouts and cries followed, but Hickey hesitantly remained silent.  
  
Paying only mild attention to the commotion, Coola leaned back in the pod, as his scouter beeped.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Coola…" Frieza's voice was tightly controlled. "I hope you made out yours and Karilyn's wills, because I'm tempted to destroy both you and your treacherous concubine!"  
  
Coola chuckled nervously. "Calm down, little brother! What has your horns shaken?"  
  
Frieza growled, "You know very well! That little whore of yours thought she was so clever in trying to sabotage my beauty contest! And I'll bet anything you were behind it! You'll do anything to make me miserable, won't you? And you thought you were going to get away with it, didn't you?"  
  
"Get away with what?" Coola asked, just slightly uneasy. He was stronger than his brother, but Frieza's temper could equal his own.  
  
"She denies my accusations of course, but one of my Elites busted her! So, you two thought you were going to fix my contest, so that she could win? She must be that good of a lay for you to interfere with the contest in order for her to become Miss Frieza! And you thought you two would get away it! Well, you're sadly mistaken, and don't think I won't tell Father! What you and your tramp did to ruin my birthday and my beauty contest was despicable! In fact, I'm contacting him right now!"  
  
"No, no, Frieza, wait!" Coola begged. "Don't get Father involved!"  
  
"And why shouldn't I? Why would you want to ruin my birthday that badly? You just wait until Father finds out! You'll really be sorry!"  
  
"Frieza, come on," Coola protested, laughing lightly. "Honestly, does it really matter to you who wins that silly little beauty contest? So what if I blackmailed those two monkeys judging your contest? So what if I threatened to emasculate or kill them in order for Karilyn to win? They're just monkeys, disposable. And it's just a beauty contest; I didn't have to let Karilyn enter, you know-"  
  
"Wait," Frieza said coolly. "Let me get this straight--you blackmailed my judges and threatened them into voting for Karilyn?"  
  
"Well, why are you surprised? I thought you already knew, from the way you sounded, otherwise--oh no…what have I done?"  
  
"You are definitely in for it, Coola!" Frieza roared. "I was yelling at you because Karilyn had spiked the punch to intoxicate the other contestants! I didn't know about your blackmailing scheme! How dare you? You did worse than I even imagined! Oh, Father will definitely hear about this!"  
  
"No, no, Frieza, don't-"  
  
"You really stepped in it this time, didn't you, Coola? Oooh, I can't wait until Father finds out! I'll never forgive you for this! And oh, and one more thing, big brother…"  
  
"Wh-what's that?"  
  
"Nobody, and I mean NOBODY blackmails or threatens my monkeys, but my Top Elites or ME! They may be monkeys, but they're MY monkeys! GOT IT?"  
  
Coola gulped, fearing his father's coming wrath after what Frieza would tell him. He tried to keep from shaking, as he saw Frieza's pod leave from backstage, heading up towards the VIP platform.  
  
*********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
"We want to know, we want to know!" the men in the audience shouted. "Tell us NOW!"  
  
Hickey was on the verge of tears, as he spoke in a very low tone for him (but was still loud enough to be heard in the audience), "Would the contestants come out on stage please?"  
  
Slowly, Cypress, Reccoom, Journa, and Eclipse strolled out onto the stage. Eclipse leaned over and said quietly that Frieza had disqualified Karilyn for spiking the punch. Hickey nodded once, afraid to move.  
  
Hesitantly, he said, "The sec-second-runner-up is…Cypress."  
  
Some cheers and wolf-whistles followed.  
  
"First run-runner-up was to be Karilyn, but since she was disqualified…it'll be Reccoom."  
  
"WHAT?" the loud, angry voice of Vegeta roared backstage.  
  
Drenched in sweat, he gulped, and a couple of tears escaped his eyes. "This year is ra-rather unusual, as in we have two winners…nothing against the rules about that, so this year…the-the two Miss Friezas are…"  
  
As the audience waited with bated breath, Nappa and Raditz started skittering towards the center stage, knowing what would happen next. They had paid no mind to Karilyn's absence, or even to Hickey's quiet announcement that she had been made ineligible.  
  
The two Saiyans whispered to each other, as Hickey spoke the fatal words:  
  
"…Princess Journa and Lady Eclipse."  
  
And after those words, a blue-mouse-emcee, three Saiyans, and a Ginyu Girl Squad Leader uneasily waited for the coming backlash--and the possible end of all of their lives. 


	14. Chapter Thirteen: It's Not Over Yet

Chapter Thirteen: It's Not Over Yet  
  
"WHAT?" Coola hissed, even though he knew it no longer mattered at this point.  
  
"NAPPA AND RADITZ, YOU BOTH ARE DEAD!" Vegeta yelled from backstage.  
  
Zarbon burst into maniacal laughter, and tears rolled down his mockingly joyous face. Chestra sighed and shook her head.  
  
"Neither Nappa nor Raditz are going to make it off that stage alive," she murmured.  
  
Zarbon arose and patted Chestra's shoulder, still laughing. "Ch-Chestra, I-I must go congratulate Vegeta-and give him my order for breakfast tomorrow!"  
  
"Of course, Zarbon," Chestra said absentmindedly, as Zarbon literally danced away from her and towards the backstage.   
  
As he did, the crowd of angry men booed and hissed and started throwing chairs and food and any other objects they could grab towards the stage.  
  
"BOOOOOOO!"  
  
"You're gonna get it, you monkeys!"  
  
"You're gonna die for pickin' your own women to win!"  
  
"Cheaters!"  
  
"KILL THE JUDGES, KILL THE JUDGES!" one ugly, squat alien male shouted in a chant.  
  
Soon, many of his fellow soldiers began joining him, pumping their fists into the air and screaming:  
  
"KILL THE JUDGES, KILL THE JUDGES!"  
  
"KILL THE MONKEYS, KILL THE MONKEYS!"  
  
"MONKEYS MUST DIE!"  
  
"MONKEYS HAVE NO BRAINS!"  
  
"We'll be doin' Lord Frieza a favor!"  
  
"We're going to get 'em!"  
  
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"How did we win?" Journa exclaimed worriedly, her voice nearly drowned out by the angry mob of men.  
  
"We're done for," Eclipse moaned.  
  
As Raditz and Nappa inched closer to their women, they were holding the gold crowns for Miss Frieza. Hastily, they whispered to each other and nodded.  
  
Cypress was muttering a rather interesting variety of curses that no one would have suspected she knew. Eclipse gasped when she recognized several of the words, and she especially knew at least from which language those words came.  
  
"Journa-I know some of those words-why they're in-"  
  
"Eclipse!" Journa snapped, cutting her off. "We're about to be killed, and you're worried about a few dirty words from Cypress?"  
  
"But, I don't think that Cypress is-"  
  
"Forget about that now, Eclipse! We've got to get out of here!"  
  
"You've got that right!" Raditz exclaimed, seizing Journa by her waist and tossing her over his broad shoulder. Journa looked worriedly in Cypress's direction, and Cypress shook her head wildly and whispered, "Go! Now!"  
  
"Same here," Nappa added, grabbing Eclipse and hoisting her over his shoulder. "Let's go!" he shouted to Raditz.  
  
"Don't have to tell me twice!" Raditz replied, as he and Nappa raced off of the stage, carrying their women. A series of ki blasts were shot in their direction, from various sources, but the Saiyans were too fast, and within less than a minute, they and their mates had disappeared.  
  
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Frieza's personal pod shook, as his fury ravaged his body and twisted his features. Crackles of ki wove in and out of the pod, and steam was seeping from the top. Coola was floating nearby in the air, laughing and mocking him.  
  
"Hahahahaha! Well, little brother, this humiliation almost makes up for those monkeys not choosing my Karilyn! Almost, but not quite. But, seeing you brought to your knees will have to satisfy me for now. Great birthday present the monkeys gave you, didn't they?" He felt that there was some justice in the universe, after all. All right, so Karilyn blew her own chances of winning, and he wound up looking like a fool, but at least Frieza would go down with them.  
  
"Go to hell, Coola!"   
  
"My, my, such language. Well, Happy Birthday, little brother."  
  
Pointing his horns at his brother threateningly, Frieza hissed through his teeth, "That's alright, Coola! I'm still going to tell Father what you and your whore did to ruin my beauty contest! Don't think just because my day is ruined that I'm going to let you get away with what you tried to pull!"  
  
"Now, Frieza, come on," Coola said too desperately. He couldn't believe, that he, the second most powerful being in the universe next to his and Frieza's father, was actually begging his pathetic younger sibling not to go tell on him to Father. Father would never let Coola hear the end of what he did, and it seemed to him that Father almost always took Frieza's side! Hadn't he already endured enough when his Karilyn was disqualified?   
  
"Don't tell me to come on, big brother! You are really in for it, but lucky for you, I have a beauty contest to conclude."  
  
"Didn't it just end, thanks to your monkeys?"  
  
Frieza said icily, "Nothing ends, until I say it does." Even in his wrath, he had already concocted a backup plan.  
  
*********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
Some of the angry audience members were already on the stage, still trying to fire ki blasts at the Saiyans, but their targets had long since vanished. Hickey had already fled the stage before anyone from the mob could touch him, and he was no longer anywhere in the auditorium.  
  
Paying little mind to the crisis onstage and doing nothing to end it, a mirthful Zarbon was triumphantly strolling backstage towards Vegeta, who was kicking and knocking things over. Tables, chairs, and other furniture and props were scattered all over the floor. The opposite wall was decorated with an array of holes created by a rapid-fire shower of ki blasts. Diamonique was alternating between mocking him and consoling him.   
  
"Now calm down, Vegeta, darling," Diamonique insisted, even though she was glad that Reccoom had lost. "At least Reccoom was first runner-up. What was so bad?"  
  
Vegeta yelled, "You know very well! I'll have to dress in Journa's nightgown and serve Head Commander Pretty Boy breakfast in bed!"   
  
"Now, Vegeta, I'll see what I can do to get you out of this. Meanwhile, I have to go to the little ladies' room to freshen up. Will be back soon." And she strolled away, leaving Vegeta alone in his rage.  
  
He then caught sight of his rival approaching and snarled, "Zarbon, if you've come to gloat, this is a rotten time to do it!"  
  
Zarbon grinned, stopping and leaning lazily against the doorway to the backstage. "Actually, Vegeta, this is the BEST time. And you were so sure that Raditz and Nappa would pick Reccoom. I told you those two would let their hormones get the best of them; they knew that if they didn't pick their women, they would never receive any loving from them again. Maybe those two are smarter than I give them credit for."  
  
"And apparently you're stupider than I give YOU credit for! I told you this was a bad time! Yes, I will carry out my end of the deal, but you can at least leave me alone until tomorrow morning!"  
  
Zarbon crossed his arms and chuckled. "Such a sore loser, are we? But very well, Vegeta, I won't rub it in your face anymore today. There'll be plenty of time for that tomorrow morning. And oh, prince, just to let you know-I prefer my eggs sunny-side up, along with steak cooked medium-rare, berries with cream-you know the kind I like-and that special fruit juice. Will be looking forward to having the Prince of the Saiyans waiting on me for a whole month."  
  
Vegeta fired a ki blast in Zarbon's direction, but Zarbon laughingly skipped out of the way and said tauntingly, "And oh, by the way, congratulate your sister and Eclipse for me, will you? I'll be sure to send them flowers myself. I do owe them, you know."  
  
He barely missed the second ki blast that Vegeta shot in his direction, as he slipped away.  
  
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As Frieza's enraged soldiers searched for Nappa and Raditz onstage, heading backstage, some began firing more ki blasts towards the back, hoping to hit the Saiyan judges, or even Hickey. But some of those blasts hit their fellow soldiers instead of the intended targets, and real fights burst out. Men started attacking their colleagues or comrades, punching, kicking, and throwing objects at each other. Some started ripping boards from the floor and whacking others on the head with them. Ki blasts continued to be fired all throughout the auditorium, with those in the audience being forced to dodge. Frieza, Coola, and King Cold were shouting down at everyone, demanding order, but for once, no one was paying them any attention. The rioting continued, with very few people making an attempt to stop it.  
  
During the melee, Reccoom, who was still onstage, was cursing and yelling, barely affected by two small ki blasts that had hit him on his thighs. He stomped giant holes in the floor and punched whatever was near him that was solid.  
  
Despite the danger she knew she was putting herself in, Cypress seized Reccoom's arm. "C'mon, Reccoom, let's get out of here!"  
  
"I'm going to kill those two!" Reccoom roared, referring to Nappa and Raditz.  
  
"They're gone, Reccoom, let's go. You can get them later," Cypress ordered, tugging at his arm.  
  
"I'm getting them now!" Reccoom yelled, yanking his arm out of Cypress's grasp. Shoving several soldiers aside, he stormed off in angry pursuit of Nappa and Raditz.  
  
"Oh, forget you!" Cypress hissed. As she abandoned Reccoom to his pursuit, she kicked off her high heels and scurried towards the backstage in her stocking-wrapped feet.   
  
But as she was about to go through the backstage door, a tall, grungy gray man with a duck-like head and reptilian body abruptly grabbed her upper arm. Despite his obvious strength and size, he was stumbling; it was clear that he was intoxicated.  
  
"You ain't's goin' nowhere, lady!" the soldier, who was a Mid-Elite, snarled through his thick, orange beak. His alcohol-permeated breath blew into Cypress's face.  
  
"Let go of me! What do you want?" Cypress exclaimed angrily.  
  
"I know ya knows where Hickster went! I'm gonna kill 'im! He's just as guilty as those monkeys are of this! He let 'em pick their girlie friends for the winners! Tell me!"  
  
"You're crazy!" Cypress yelled, trying to shake him. "Hickey wasn't a judge!"  
  
"Doesn't matter; he could have stopped the monkeys, and he didn't. So he's gonna get what's comin' to him. Since the monkeys are gone, I'll just give Hicks what I was gonna give them! Where is he?" And he squeezed Cypress's arm tighter. "Tell me!"  
  
"I don't know or care! Let me go!" Cypress cried, struggling to free her arm from his grasp. But the soldier yanked her towards him, shoving her into his body.  
  
"You's a-lying! Tell me now, or I'll rip out that pretty hair and tail of yours!"  
  
"Go to hell!" Cypress roared, punching at his chest with her free fist.  
  
"You first, baby!" But just as the soldier was about to punch her in her face, his eyes suddenly bulged open, and, in unexplained shock, he released her arm. Cypress fell back, as the soldier crashed into the floor face-forward.  
  
As the dust startled to settle, Cypress caught sight of a scowling Vegeta calmly dusting off his gloved fist. She looked at him with a small, relieved smile. "Thanks," she replied gruffly.  
  
"Don't mention it-and I mean it."  
  
Cypress chuckled softly. "Secret's safe with me."  
  
"Good," Vegeta told her simply, crossing his arms. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to hunt down two fellow Saiyans and beat them until they scream like little girls. They'll be lucky, if I let them live."  
  
As the angry shouting and ki-blasting continued onstage, followed by the furious roars of Frieza, Cypress asked in a kind voice, "Vegeta, I don't blame you for being mad, but can you really blame them? What would you have done in their situation?"  
  
"I would have kept my word and my skin! What do you care anyway?" Vegeta yelled. "And Eclipse and Journa better not think that I won't have a few things to say to them, if they ever return!"  
  
"They weren't planning on going through with the contest," Cypress said calmly.   
  
"WHAT? Then why in the hell did they enter? Especially Journa, knowing that I was supporting Reccoom!"  
  
"They entered it as a joke; they were going to drop out before the final judging, but Frieza wouldn't let them. And, of course, their entering put Raditz and Nappa in an awkward position. Men will do insane things to please their women, sometimes even at the risk of their own lives. And there are also some men…who, well, how do I put this? Ah…jump to conclusions because of things they've heard or seen about a woman and not bother to ask her about it?"  
  
"And just what are you referring to?" Vegeta asked defensively, narrowing his eyes. He had started to like Cypress before Diamonique had told him about Cypress's time with Frieza, and the thought of those two together still put him on edge. He still didn't know what possessed him to rescue her from that prick that was bothering her; it couldn't be because he actually cared anything for her. He certainly didn't want Frieza's leavings, no matter how appealing.  
  
"I think you know, Vegeta…pertaining to a certain story that Commander Diamonique told about me without knowing what she was talking about?"  
  
Vegeta narrowed his eyes. "Was she telling the truth?"  
  
"Yes…and no. I did go to see Frieza, and we spent some time together, but when he tried to seduce me, I refused. As I told him, I was not allowed to have an affair or anything else with him because he was King Cold's son, and King Cold had forbidden us women in his army to do so. He wasn't happy about it, but he let me go. I did go to him that time out of courtesy, and he can be very charming, strangely enough, when he wants to be." Vegeta shot her a dubious look that was mixed with disgust, and she chuckled again.  
  
"Besides, who's really allowed to refuse an invitation from Lord Frieza? Think about it, Vegeta."  
  
Still keeping his arms crossed, he growled, "I suppose you're right. I understand I have no real claim on you, but still I was led to believe that you were interested, that you…at least somewhat liked me."  
  
"And I do," she told him gently. "But, it wouldn't be fair for us to start anything. My loyalty always has to go to my liege first, and sadly, I don't have the time in my life to pursue something with any man, no matter how much I may start to care for him. I am sorry, Vegeta, but I don't make promises that I can't keep."  
  
"I suppose this is the part where you ask, if we can just be friends," he said quietly, with regret that was not as carefully hidden as he tried to make it.  
  
"You could…say that," she said slowly. "But I don't regret the time I spent with you, Vegeta, honestly. Once you grow up a little, you'll make the right woman a decent mate."  
  
"Grow up?" he yelled. "I've been a man for a long time now!"  
  
Cypress laughed. "C'mon, Vegeta, you're what right now? Seventeen?"  
  
"How in the hell did you know? Besides, I'll be eighteen next month!"  
  
"Happy birthday in advance then." She smiled, cocking her head to the left. "Well, I have to go now. It's been great knowing you."  
  
"Wait," he told her firmly, taking her arm. "Will I see you again?" he asked somberly.  
  
With her bushy tail swishing mournfully, she sighed, her smile now both benevolent and sad. "I'll see you, but you won't see me."  
  
He was about to ask her exactly what she meant, but decided against it. After all, she did work for King Cold, and she probably could only say and do so much. That was life as a soldier in the Cold Empire: a person could only do or as much as he or she was allowed, for as long as he or she was allowed. Beyond that was forbidden; Vegeta knew this as well as any Cold Empire warrior. It was unlikely King Cold and Frieza would have ever permitted anything between him and Cypress anyway, so it was just as well.  
  
He looked at her with one long, last glance, only paying slight attention to the pandemonium onstage beginning to settle down. The calming was only because Frieza was threatening errant soldiers with death or dismemberment…  
  
*********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
"EVERYONE IS TO RETURN TO THEIR SEATS AT ONCE! ANY ONE WHO REFUSES WILL PERISH! I AM ALREADY HAVING A BAD ENOUGH DAY, AS IT IS!"  
  
The angry men, who still had been searching for the Saiyan judges, grudgingly climbed off of the stage, as Frieza floated in his pod over the center stage. As the last soldiers were returning to their seats, Frieza lowered his pod, until it was just hovering above the floor.  
  
"I have an announcement, ladies and gentlemen: Princess Journa and Lady Eclipse have been disqualified; it was obvious that those two were foolish enough to pick their mates over the other contestants. I have already sent soldiers after them and their mates to force them to return. We are redoing this contest, even if we only have two contestants, so I will be picking new judges-"  
  
"Oh, pick me, sire, please!"  
  
"I'll volunteer, Lord Frieza!"  
  
"I'll be a judge!"  
  
"Pick me, Lord Frieza!"  
  
"Yeah, pick me!"  
  
"No, pick me!"  
  
Many more men volunteered, begging Frieza to choose them.  
  
But Frieza added quietly, "-Who will be Commander Dodoria and Kiwi. Hopefully Commander Dodoria is somewhat sober by now."   
  
Almost everyone wanted to boo, but no one dared. As Frieza finished speaking with Kiwi on his scouter and was now trying to contact Dodoria, he looked around agitatedly for Hickey. Where was his emcee?  
  
He grumbled under his breath. Never mind; he'd hunt Hickey down later. Grunting, he added out loud, "Reccoom and Cypress, come onstage immediately…"  
  
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Just as Cypress was about to reluctantly appear onstage, a slow smirk formed on Vegeta's handsome face, as he followed her to the doorway. He levitated slowly into the air until his face was on the same level as the taller Cypress's. His smirk turned into a grin, as he turned her around, thrust his palm behind her head, and into her hair. He wrapped his arm behind her back and pulled her closer to him until their chests were touching.  
  
"Vegeta, what are you doing?" she exclaimed to him, stunned. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a growing number of men in the audience look in their direction. She could hear some of them already snickering.   
  
Ignoring the spectators completely, Vegeta laughed wickedly. "Giving you one hell of a parting gift!" And with that, he crushed his lips against hers, kissing her fully.  
  
Shocked, Cypress didn't know whether to give in, or to push him away and smack him for his disrespect. He was a great kisser, she had to admit; he sure knew what he was doing. But she still couldn't allow this; she had to make him release her.  
  
But releasing her was apparently not in his plans any time soon.  
  
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Diamonique finally emerged from the ladies room, after taking almost twenty minutes to "freshen up". But was it her fault that her hair was mussed, or that her makeup needed retouching, or that a nail needed urgent repair? Being beautiful was such hard work, but it would be worth it when she saw Vegeta again. No matter how badly he treated her sometimes, she still desired him.  
  
Smiling sweetly, she sauntered through the backstage to find her prince-who-to her utmost horror-was-KISSING-Cypress!  
  
How dare he! After all she did to help him and Reccoom, he had to go kiss another woman! How could he treat her this way? Didn't he think he owed her some loyalty?  
  
Well, that whore, Cypress, must have led him on! She had to have wanted Vegeta from the moment she saw him. She must have lured Vegeta into kissing her; yes, that was it. Everyone wanted to take Vegeta away from Diamonique, first Jaden, and now that tramp, Cypress!  
  
Diamonique clenched her fists, with her long nails sinking into her palms. She was going to go give those two a piece of her mind right now! She'd tell Vegeta off for betraying her, and she'd let Cypress know that Vegeta was HER man, even if he didn't always want to admit it!  
  
She stormed over to the couple that seemed to be paying their surroundings no mind. Oh, those two would pay!  
  
*********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
  
  
Somewhere far, far away from Frieza's mother ship in a traveling pod…  
  
"Cypress and I tried to expose Karilyn, but apparently Diamonique busted the wench for spiking the punch…that's the one and only thing I'll be thankful to her for," Journa was telling Raditz, as he was only now starting to catch his breath. Journa was nestled against Raditz's chest, as he held her on his lap.   
  
Both Saiyans were thankful to be, for now, out of Frieza's reach. Raditz had been stunned when his mate had told him that he and Nappa never had to pick her and Eclipse for Miss Frieza. His first reaction to that news had been, "You mean that I DIDN'T have to choose you for Miss Frieza, after all?"  
  
"Hey, now, let's not go that far," Journa had said reprovingly, narrowing her eyes at her beloved. She rather liked the feel of the new gold crown on her head, and she would have enjoyed it more, if it hadn't possibly cost Raditz his life in the future. Fortunately, for her, Raditz had laughed for a few moments. At least he laughed until she came to the part where she mentioned that she had learned from Cypress the danger he and Nappa had been in during the contest.  
  
"Yeah, good ol' Diamonique; she helped save us," Raditz sighed, only half-meaning his words. "But what was Cypress's big secret? Did she say why she spent time with Frieza instead of Vegeta?"  
  
Journa laughed nervously, embracing his neck. "Raditz, I hope you're very comfortable."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well, Cypress isn't quite who she said she was…in fact, it was a huge shock to me when she said that…" And in a few, painfully brief sentences, she told him what had been revealed to her.  
  
The entire pod shook violently, and if sound had been able to carry throughout space, the loud echo of Raditz's, "WHAT?" would have been heard all over the galaxy.  
  
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Dodoria and Kiwi delightedly strolled onto the stage; well, Kiwi strolled, but Dodoria staggered along, still inebriated. His massive weight shifted back and forth sideways, as he slowly approached Frieza. He slurred drunkenly, "Siiiiire! Who we got to piiiiiick?"  
  
Frieza looked at him in obvious disgust, especially when he smelled his breath. Ugh! "Reccoom and Cypress are the only ones left."  
  
"Well, I sure ain't pickin' Cypress, I know that!" Dodoria declared loudly before he belched.  
  
"Well, I'm not picking Reccoom," Kiwi insisted petulantly. "Don't know why'd you want to pick Reccoom, Commander; Cypress is hot!" Reccoom glared at him, as he finally appeared onstage.  
  
"'Cause Cypress wants to take my Frieza 'way from me!" Dodoria croaked. "I'm gonna make her leave right now! Reccoom wins!"  
  
"No, Cypress does!"  
  
"Reccoom!"  
  
"Cypress!"  
  
"Reccoom, Reccoom, Reccoom!"  
  
"Cypress, Cypress, Cypress!"  
  
"Oh, just pick a winner already!" Frieza hissed, crossing his arms and glaring at them.  
  
"Yeah, pick a winner!" someone in the audience demanded.  
  
"Yeah! Right now! Pick the real Miss Frieza!" more audience members commanded.  
  
"We're picking Cypress!" Kiwi told Frieza.  
  
"Like hell we are! Reccoom's winnin'!" Dodoria shouted.  
  
"You must really be drunk, if you pick that fool over a babe like Cypress!" Kiwi snapped. "Don't know why Lord Frieza bothered picking you, even if you are a commander. You're a disgrace when you're drunk like you are!"  
  
"Yeah, well disgrace this!" Dodoria roared, exposing his palm to Kiwi. Within seconds, a stream of whitish-gold light shot from his palm towards Kiwi.  
  
Kiwi leapt out of the way in time, but the burst of ki flew past him towards the doorway to the backstage, where Vegeta was still holding Cypress…  
  
*********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
Suddenly, Cypress felt something burning and hot hit her in her hip, and she screamed. She toppled into Vegeta's arms, as he caught her. Both of them fell to the floor, with him still holding her. As his eyes closed, he rolled on top of her to shield her, but thankfully, no more blasts came.  
  
They could hear Frieza yelling at Dodoria for his stupidity. Vegeta was about to leap up to confront Dodoria when he felt Cypress move beneath him. He brushed his hand against her sore hip for a moment, and his eyes widened when her body did not feel the same as before.  
  
"What the hell…" he murmured, as realization struck him. Shocked, he looked down at the woman under him. And then he heard the loud laughter, joking and snickering from everyone around him, as Frieza, Diamonique, Dodoria, and Kiwi came closer.  
  
Placing her hands on her curvy hips, Diamonique screeched, "Vegeta, you have disgusting taste! Of all the women you had to betray me with, it had to be her! What does she have that I don't?"  
  
But Frieza, Dodoria, and Kiwi were too shocked to speak. Their jaws hung open, their eyes bulged; not even Frieza said a word.   
  
He couldn't believe it! Vegeta had not only apparently been making out with the woman he was lying upon, but Cypress was not the woman Frieza and the others thought she was. He suddenly felt very sick, and he was out of antacids, not that it would do him much good anyway.  
  
"I don't believe this," he said, stunned.  
  
"I-I told you she wasn't what she seemed to be, sire," Dodoria said slowly. "But I didn't even suspect this, and it's-ugh!" His voice rose. "Diamonique's right! That is disgusting! Vegeta and her? That is the nastiest sight I've ever seen in my life!"  
  
"For once…you and I have to agree, Do-doria," Frieza said shakily.   
  
"Permission to retch, sire?" Dodoria asked.  
  
"Per-permission granted."  
  
"I can't believe this!" Diamonique cried. "I suddenly feel very sick!" And she ran backstage, much to Vegeta's thankfulness.  
  
He looked down at the woman in his arms again. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, and what he had just done with her.   
  
He'd be the eternal laughingstock of Frieza's forces after today, and not just because Reccoom had lost earlier.  
  
For after this horrid beauty contest was over, everyone would be talking about seeing Vegeta kissing Jaden, who was smiling sheepishly, as she lay beneath her best pupil. 


	15. Chapter Fourteen: And The REAL Winner Is

Chapter Fourteen: And The REAL Winner Is…  
  
Somewhere in space, very, very far away from Frieza's mother ship…  
  
Eclipse was cuddled on a weary Nappa's lap, as she stroked his forehead. "Nappa, it was very sweet of you and Raditz to declare both Journa and I Miss Frieza, but you two didn't have to do it."  
  
"We-we didn't?" Nappa asked shakily, speaking for the first time, since he had shoved himself and Eclipse into a pod, slammed the door, and had them launched far into space.   
  
Eclipse kissed him softly on his lips. "No, you two really didn't." And she briefly explained about her and Journa entering the beauty contest as a joke.  
  
"How could you two do that to us?" Nappa moaned, when his mate had finally finished her tale. "Do you realize how much danger Raditz and I were in?"  
  
"What do you mean, other than picking us?" Eclipse asked worriedly.  
  
Ashamed and embarrassed, Nappa reluctantly confessed everything to her, from the time that both Coola and King Cold had blackmailed them, to Vegeta joining in, to the final moments when both Saiyan judges declared that they would die, making their women happy.   
  
He sighed, "I hope someday you can forgive us, especially me, for being such cowards, Eclipse."  
  
Eclipse wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on his forehead. "Oh, Nappa, I wish you had told me. I could have gone to Lord Frieza and told him what was going on. He wouldn't have wanted Lord Coola and King Cold to interfere with his beauty contest or blackmail you and Raditz. If I had known, I could have told Princess Journa, and we would have never entered the Miss Frieza pageant. We made things worse for you two, and it's more my fault than Princess Journa's because I was the first to suggest entering. And now your lives are in danger because of us. It is I who should ask for forgiveness."  
  
"Nah, babe," Nappa said wearily, wrapping his arms and his tail around her. "No matter whom Raditz and I picked, we were screwed. We just didn't want you ladies to, well, be mad at us…yeah, that's it." He grinned weakly. "And after all, I did say you were the only contestant I'd ever pick."  
  
"Oh, Nappa," Eclipse sighed, kissing him lovingly all over his face in slow, comforting kisses. "It will be okay. Listen, I'll contact Lord Frieza in a couple of days and explain everything to him. He might be mad for a while, but I don't think he'll try to harm you two, once I talk to him."  
  
"I don't know, Eclipse," Nappa told her doubtfully. He knew that Eclipse was well liked by Frieza, but even her influence could only go so far. Frieza had never totally forgiven Nappa for claiming the highly desired Eclipse for himself and himself only.   
  
"It will be okay, I promise, really."  
  
He thought that she was being too optimistic, but for now, he would allow her the pretense. He looked at her long, soft hair and lithe curves longingly, gradually feeling his body fill and stiffen with desire. Ah, well, since they weren't going anywhere in particular anytime soon, they could have a little fun. It'd give them nice memories when Frieza finally and eventually would catch up with them.  
  
Grinning and chuckling wickedly, he leisurely pushed up the hem of her evening gown and gently caressed a silken thigh. Eclipse quivered beneath his touch and gasped, "Na-Nappa-"  
  
"Shhh, babe, help Nappa take his mind off of things, will you?" His voice was low and deep and purring, as he kissed and nibbled on her neck.  
  
"Of-of course, Nappa, but are you sure?" She felt herself melting into his embrace, as her own desire steadily increased.  
  
"As sure as I am that you deserve to be Miss Nappa," he told her confidently, covering her mouth with his. "Now, not another word." His hand glided up along her hip, pushing the delicate fabric of her gown along with it.  
  
Raising her arms, Eclipse was happy to obey, as Nappa easily slipped off her gown and continued his unusually tender ministrations.  
  
*********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
"JADEN?" Vegeta exclaimed. "I kissed you?"  
  
"You didn't kiss a ghost," Jaden remarked, laughing nervously.  
  
"I don't believe this," Frieza moaned. He didn't know whether to be angry with Jaden for deceiving him, or furious with himself for actually trying to bed her. Finally, he decided on both reactions. "JADEN! How could you do this to me and lead me on?"  
  
Jaden's eyes widened, and she snorted. "If you remember correctly, Lord Frieza, I was trying to lead you off."  
  
"I'm going to be sick," Dodoria groaned. "And to think that…" He stopped himself abruptly, looking at Vegeta, who was still lying on top of Jaden. Even in his drunken state, he began remembering how Vegeta had humiliated him in the Elite Lounge And Bar, just shortly before the day of the beauty contest. He began to grin.  
  
"Well, if I wasn't right all along! Hehhehheh! I knew Jaden wanted to screw Vegeta, but Vegeta wantin' to screw Jaden? Vegeta, you may be a prince, but you sure as hell have no taste in women! And you were suckin' face with her just now! Frankly, if I didn't find it so funny, I'd wanna puke. Can't imagine you two as a couple…but I'll have to admit Jaden finally got lucky! Don't know about the princeling though!" And he fell to the ground, laughing uproariously.  
  
"Go to hell, Dodoria!" both Vegeta and Jaden shouted.  
  
Dodoria continued laughing.  
  
Vegeta growled, "I wish I could request permission to rip off all of his limbs!"  
  
"And I wish I could grant it to you," Jaden grumbled.  
  
Frieza clenched his fists, as Dodoria continued to laugh. "Jaden! I demand a full explanation of this, immediately! How dare you do this? What possessed you to pull off this stunt?" He looked down at Vegeta, still in place, and shouted, "Vegeta, get off of her now!"   
  
Vegeta didn't hesitate, and Jaden leapt to her feet. Jaden cleared her throat and before she could explain, Chestra arrived onstage.  
  
"Chestra, this isn't a good time," Frieza told her evenly.  
  
"Actually, sire, I'm afraid I must take my share of blame for my part in this," she replied calmly.  
  
Frieza narrowed his eyes. "You hardly do anything wrong here, Chestra. What could you have to do with Jaden's shape-shifting stunt?"  
  
Chestra laughed uneasily. "Quite a bit, sire. You see, Jaden and I had our own bet going."  
  
"BET?" everyone exclaimed at once.  
  
"Yes, that's right," Jaden spoke at last. "When Chestra told me about that crazy bet Zarbon and Vegeta had going, at first she was annoyed with Zarbon for letting himself get into that mess. But then a devious plan came to my mind-"  
  
"Don't devious plans always come to your mind?" Frieza growled.  
  
"Yes, they do, sire," Jaden admitted cheerfully and freely. "But this one even blew myself away. But first, I admitted to Chestra that I actually was wondering for once what it would be like to be beautiful and sexy and have men fall over me the way they do her and Diamonique. Chestra felt sorry for me, of course, but then she cocked that little head of hers and said, 'Well, you're a shape-shifter, Jaden; why can't you look like you want to for a while? You pose as Lord Frieza when he wants to avoid his brother all the-"  
  
"SHHH!" Frieza admonished her. Lowering his voice considerably, he added, "If my brother ever found out that I had you replace me sometimes, so I could avoid him, neither one of us would keep our heads. Anyway, go on."  
  
"Well, after Chestra told me that, I grinned and said out loud, 'Hey, why not?' Why couldn't I be a babe for once? So I asked her, if she thought I could pull it off, she dared me to try it."  
  
"So this really was some girls' daring game?" Frieza demanded to know.  
  
Chestra smiled sheepishly. "You could say that, sire. I told Jaden that if she managed to keep up her charade until after your beauty contest, I would take her out to a gourmet dinner every night for the next week afterwards. And if she was caught, she would buy me a new wardrobe."  
  
"But things didn't go entirely, as we expected," Jaden admitted. "When Lord Frieza started flirting with me when I went to sign up for that silly contest, I didn't know what to do. I never flirted before in my life, but I figured then, I'd just do what Diamonique normally does when men hit on her. And her tricks worked too well, especially when Vegeta here became interested-"  
  
"Not knowing who you was! You didn't even bother to tell me the truth!" Vegeta insisted, crossing his arms.  
  
"I probably should have, but I would have lost the bet, Vegeta. Anyway…when you started pursuing me, even though you knew it'd blow more holes in Lord Frieza's stomach, I'll admit I was, ah…flattered? But I knew I couldn't encourage either your or Lord Frieza's desires, so I kept trying to put you two off, but neither one of you would give up-"  
  
"Speaking of my pursuit, I demand to know if my father's decree forbidding his women soldiers to mate with my brother or I is true?" Frieza wanted to know.  
  
"It was last time I checked. There's this Lower-Elite I met in King Cold's army from planet Gemstar. She was the one who told me because Lord Coola supposedly propositioned her, but King Cold put an end to it. Course there were those rumors that King Cold wanted her for himself, but that's another story-"  
  
"Of course it is," Frieza hissed, not caring to hear about his father's dalliances. "Anyway, is there anything else you'd like to tell me?"  
  
"Well…I could, sire, but I think you should ask your brother, something that concerns him and Karilyn, I believe," Jaden replied quickly, not wanting to elaborate in case Coola or one of his soldiers was nearby.  
  
"Never mind!" Frieza cried. "But if it's what I think it is…just how would you know that anyway?"  
  
"Overheard," Jaden admitted, hoping fervently that she and Frieza were talking about the same thing.  
  
"Well, Coola will get his, especially when I tell Father on him. He will pay for sabotaging my birthday. He will suffer!" Some amused grins from his soldiers followed because Frieza had sounded like a small child whose sibling had stolen his favorite toy. Of course, no one dared to joke with him about this. Frieza was already in a bad enough mood, and Jaden was just thankful to be alive-although she didn't know how much longer.   
  
"Just what is everyone grinning about?" Frieza demanded to know.  
  
Grins faded into nervous smiles, and no one, not even Jaden and Vegeta, who were among his boldest and most outspoken soldiers, dared to answer him.  
  
"Umm, sire?" Kiwi finally interrupted. "Do we have to judge now between Jaden and Reccoom?"  
  
Jaden shrugged, not really caring, if she won or not. After all, she really had nothing to lose, except possibly her hide, if Frieza decided later that he wanted to punish her for her shenanigans. Reccoom looked unusually nervous, and droplets of sweat clung to his brow.  
  
"Well, I sure as hell ain't votin' for Jaden!" Dodoria croaked.  
  
"And I'm…um, well…" Kiwi was suddenly uncomfortable. He definitely did not want to vote for Reccoom still, as he secretly considered his being in the beauty contest ridiculous because Reccoom was a man. And he feared what Jaden could do to him, if he didn't vote for her. She was the most feared woman in Frieza's army.   
  
But then, Reccoom was a member of the elite Ginyu Force. Reccoom could call upon his buddies to make Kiwi's and Dodoria's lives miserable. Kiwi wished that he were as decided about who should be Miss Frieza as his intoxicated colleague. He hated having to choose between two powerful Top Elite officers, both who could kill him with one finger.  
  
But fortunately, fate would be kinder to the new judges, for at that tense moment, Jaden cleared her throat and said quietly, remembering something, "I'm afraid I can no longer be in the running."  
  
"Wh-why not?" Kiwi inquired.  
  
"According to the rules, shape-shifting or posing as another entity is forbidden, so technically, I'd have to be disqualified." Jaden winked at Vegeta, who looked at her, stunned. He didn't realize right away what Jaden had just done for him.  
  
Frieza affirmed, "Gentlemen, I'm afraid she's correct." And, as he too began to comprehend Jaden's words, horror bloomed upon his pale face. His jaw dropped once more, and his eyes widened, as he shook his head, panting in shallow breaths.  
  
"What-wait a minute!" Dodoria exclaimed. "If Jaden is disqualified, that means that-"  
  
"Reccoom…wins…by…default," Kiwi whispered.   
  
He and Frieza looked at each other, both faces mirroring a terrifying shock that this year there was a MISTER Frieza. The real Frieza's legs felt strangely wobbly, and he suddenly wanted to faint.  
  
"Reccoom wins! Reccoom wins!" Dodoria crowed.  
  
"I don't believe this," Kiwi moaned.  
  
"I won?" Reccoom asked.  
  
"Yeah, you won," Jaden told him nonchalantly.  
  
"YES!" Reccoom exclaimed, jumping up and down like a little boy. "I WON, I WON! I AM MISS FRIEZA!" And he happily ran over to Vegeta, scooped him up in his beefy arms and-hugged him so tightly, that Vegeta couldn't breathe.  
  
"THANK YOU, VEGETA! YOU HELPED MADE ME MISS FRIEZA!" Reccoom crowed happily, holding Vegeta in his arms and prancing around in circles, as gracefully as possible for a tall, bulky man such as himself. Vegeta was extremely embarrassed with Reccoom's embracing him.  
  
"Aren't you going to start singing this Miss Frieza song, Lord Frieza?" Reccoom asked his liege hopefully, still holding Vegeta tightly.  
  
Frieza grumbled, "Yes, I suppose. Congratulations; now let's go get this final humiliation of the day over with, so I can go take an extra long nap."  
  
"Okay, sire, whatever ya say!" Reccoom cried joyously, as he bounded out onto center stage, carrying Vegeta with him. Vegeta's body bobbed up and down, as Reccoom raced around the center of the stage, proclaiming his victory to a shocked audience.  
  
"Alright, Reccoom, congratulations. You won. Now, do me a favor, will you?" Vegeta asked his contestant, panting.  
  
Spinning around wildly, the buoyant Reccoom was dancing and posing in arabesque positions on the stage, in front of an audience of wide-eyed, shaken men and women. "After what ya did for me, Vegeta-anything!"  
  
"Good," Vegeta wheezed. "Now…PUT ME DOWN!"  
  
"Sure thing!" Reccoom cried, and he happily tossed Vegeta to the floor, with the ruffled prince falling upon his tail before he could save himself. He cried out when his short, but massive body nearly crushed his sensitive tail.  
  
"I WON, I WON, I AM MISS FRIEZA…ER, I MEAN…MISTER FRIEZA! I'M MISTER FRIEZA, I'M MISTER FRIEZA!"  
  
Finally climbing to his feet, Vegeta caught sight of Zarbon, who was aghast, mumbling incoherently, as tears hung in his golden eyes. Ignoring Reccoom's antics, Vegeta calmly leapt off onto the stage and strolled triumphantly over to Zarbon's seat.  
  
"No, no," Zarbon nearly sobbed, shaking his head wildly. "This can't be-no, this isn't right! Not fair!"  
  
Vegeta threw his head back victoriously and laughed long and loud, as he placed his hands confidently upon his waist. "Oh, it is fair, Zarbon, hahahahaha! But at least you got to savor your victory for a brief time, even if it was false. Hopefully, Chestra will have something pretty that'll fit you. I've always wondered what nice things she allowed you to view her in; I can't wait to find out! Does she wear garters by the way?"  
  
Zarbon snarled, "Go to hell, Vegeta!"  
  
Vegeta chuckled. "Oh, I'll happy to, Zarbon-as soon as you serve your time with me. Oh, by the way, I haven't decided on what I want for breakfast tomorrow, but I'll send you my menu by the end of the day. Oh, and make sure to include a piece of Lord Frieza's birthday cake, will you? I doubt he'll have much appetite for it today, which saves more for yours truly. See you at breakfast tomorrow!" And turning on his proud heel, the prince sauntered away, leaving Zarbon trembling and trying to hold on to whatever dignity he had remaining.  
  
And poor Frieza, actually almost wanting to die, was standing on stage, next to a happily twirling Reccoom, singing reluctantly, "Here she--er, I mean, he--is...the epitome of all that is wonderful and lovely! Truly deserving she--I mean he--is of all that he now has obtained. So, this year, I introduce Reccoom as Mister Miss Frieza..."  
  
*********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
Again, somewhere in space, now a very great distance away from Frieza's mother ship…  
  
And again, if sound could carry throughout space, soft sighs and cries of pleasure would have been heard from within a silvery pod carrying a pureblooded Saiyan couple that was enjoying their possible last days of life with their coupling. During their lovemaking, they tried not to think about the coming wrath of a white lizard-like tyrant with horns and a less powerful, but equally dangerous Saiyan prince. 


	16. EPILOGUE

EPILOGUE: Much Ado About...A Girdle?  
  
Three days later…  
  
"Hey there, beautiful! Love the nightgown! Can you tell me where to get one for my woman?"  
  
"You're looking good, Head Commander!"  
  
"Hope Commander Chestra doesn't mind you wearing her nightie!"  
  
"If Commander Zarbon looks hot, imagine what Commander Chestra must look like in that thing! Maybe I should ask, if she'll try it on for me one day!" a brown Lower Elite doglike soldier hooted.   
  
He would have said more, but a pale green hand shot out and seized his throat. The Lower Elite gulped, as he stared into the angry gold eyes of Head Commander Zarbon. Zarbon's circlet jewel dangled menacingly across his folded forehead, as he used his capable thumbs to squeeze the soldier's throat tighter.  
  
"Any other comments you'd like to make about my attire or my mate?" he asked coolly.  
  
The Lower Elite sweated, and he whimpered, "No, Commander."  
  
"Anything else you would like to say?" Zarbon added.  
  
"Umm…I'm sorry?"  
  
Zarbon released him and thrust him against the slick metal wall. "Apology accepted," he said icily. He looked towards his other commentators, a mix of Lower-Elites and Mid-Elites and glared at them, daring them to say anything else. The others mumbled hasty apologies, hoping that their Head Commander would not pick today to end their lives. Fortunately for them, Zarbon turned away from all of them and stormed away down the corridors, trying to remain as dignified as possible in his short, black satin-and-lace teddy that just barely went down to his knees.  
  
Even after three days and numerous threats from him, most of his subordinates and colleagues dared to mock and make fun of him every time they saw him dressed in Chestra's nightwear. Biting his lip agitatedly, he wondered what ever happened to the high respect that a Top Elite, especially the Head Commander, was supposed to receive, no matter how ridiculous he or she behaved or appeared.  
  
As he walked towards the Elite sleeping quarters, he was greeted with more whistles, snickers and lecherous comments. Of course, most of those remarks and noises were silenced once Zarbon threatened a few of them, but even then, he knew they would go on making fun of him behind his back.  
  
Grumbling and making covert plans to give some of the more serious offenders extra purging and raiding assignments, Zarbon stomped past Dodoria's door, just as the huge, pink minion was coming out. Dodoria was standing in black satin pajamas (decorated with a small silk-screened picture of Frieza's face on the left front); today, he actually had a day off, and the way his corpulent body jiggled reminded Zarbon of something that he had to ask his colleague.  
  
"Dodoria," Zarbon whispered, waving his finger towards himself. "I need to ask you something. There's something I need to borrow, if you'll let me."  
  
Grinning, Dodoria joked, "Sure, Zarbon! I might have some perfume somewhere, and I can get one of the Ginyu Girls to lend you some high heels! They'll make your legs look sexier than they do now!" He threw his head back and laughed throatily.   
  
Barely resisting the urge to knock the grin off of Dodoria's face, Zarbon crossed his arms and waited for his colleague to stop laughing. When Dodoria's laughter finally died down, Zarbon added tightly, "I need to borrow your girdle; Chestra's nightgowns fit a bit snug on me."  
  
Dodoria cracked, "Yeah, but I bet Chestra fits even snugger on you, eh?"   
  
Zarbon rewarded him by seizing him by his collar and slamming him into the wall. Dodoria's head crashed hard into the metal wall, leaving quite a few dents. Zarbon hissed, "You keep your filthy mouth shut about her, do you understand me?" Angrily, he finally released him.  
  
Dodoria growled, no longer in a jovial mood, "Fine, fine, but you didn't have to attack me! It's not my fault you lost your stupid bet with the monkey prince; you should be blaming Jaden. If she hadn't entered the Miss Frieza contest, under disguise and then had to drop out—"  
  
"  
  
Reccoom would have won anyway," Zarbon concluded wearily. "Jaden and Chestra's prank just delayed the inevitable. Perhaps, I should have blamed her, but her presence made no real difference."  
  
"Yeah, but if she had stayed as Cypress, she would have won—and oh, wait, that meant Jaden would have become Miss Frieza—ugh! Nah, Zarbon, it's just as well that Reccoom won, even if you do have to wait on Vegeta. So what's our little royal monkey orderin' for breakfast today?"  
  
"Three huge steaks, half a dozen fried eggs, ten pieces of buttered toast, and a gallon of juice," Zarbon sighed. "I'm on my way to pick it up for him now."  
  
"You could put somethin' in his food to give him indigestion."  
  
"Actually thought about doing that, believe it or not, but Saiyans have an amazing number of taste buds; Vegeta would know something was wrong in a heartbeat."  
  
"You know he's up for Top Elite now, right?"  
  
Zarbon sighed, "Yes, and Chestra just told me last night that she actually agreed to recommend Vegeta, but wanted my opinion on it. I wasn't happy about it, but I said it was up to her. As much as I don't like Vegeta being equal to us, he would make a fine Top Elite officer, as annoying as he can be sometimes—"  
  
"Sometimes?"  
  
"Okay, all of the time. But, giving a rare unprejudiced opinion, Jaden's right about Vegeta being Top Elite material. Of course I'm not going to express that openly by actually recommending him myself. Besides, after the beauty contest fiasco, Lord Frieza's unlikely going to look favorably upon Vegeta being in Top Elite anytime soon--thank Kami for that! He still hasn't completely forgiven Vegeta, Reccoom, and Jaden for making him look like a laughingstock on his own birthday."  
  
"I take it Reccoom's going to recommend his sponsor as well?"  
  
"Unfortunately, but even with those required signatures, Lord Frieza will likely come up with a good excuse not to even consider Vegeta at this time."  
  
Dodoria grinned, thankful that the chance of Vegeta becoming his equal wouldn't happen anytime soon. "Yeah, true, and at least he's gettin' teased about kissing Jaden as much as you're gettin' picked on for having to dress in drag and wait on him."  
  
Zarbon smirked, feeling better for the first time today. He chuckled softly, knowing that Vegeta was enduring a lot of ribbing from his colleagues and superiors. Maybe fate was a bit kinder than he had hoped for.  
  
"Well, I've got to get dressed now, Zarbon, but I'll try to find that girdle for you; maybe tomorrow Chestra's next nightie won't be snug on you, eh?"  
  
Zarbon bit his tongue and held his temper, just barely. After all, as much as he hated to admit it, he needed that girdle. "I suppose not, Dodoria. Thank you, and let me know when you find it."  
  
"I will, Zarbon, thanks. Good luck puttin' up with Vegeta."  
  
"Thanks, because I'll need it desperately."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"How many more toilets do we have to scrub, Nappa?"  
  
  
  
"Five more in here, and then we've got one more restroom to do, but that's it, thank Kami. This is the last restroom we have to do for a while. At least until tonight."  
  
"And how much longer are we stuck with doing more of Frieza's dirty work than we already do?"  
  
"Just thankful we've been allowed to live, Raditz. Believe me, I don't like cleaning stinking restrooms anymore than you do, but at least we get to keep our lives and our body parts for now."  
  
"Yeah, thanks to Eclipse. I don't know how she sweet-talked Frieza into sparing our skins, but we owe her one."  
  
"Yeah, I agree. Eclipse had to use all her charms into convincing Frieza that any men in our position would have done what we did. She even asked Frieza, if he would ever do the same for a woman he loved, and Frieza even said he might have. She played on what nobleness he had by pointing out that even though we screwed up, we did it for a good cause. She really did calm him down; I'll give her that. So, we only got sentenced to janitorial duties for a month, instead of getting flogged and having our pay suspended."  
  
Raditz wrinkled his nose, trying not to gag at the stains of waste, as he vigorously scrubbed under the rims of a particularly nasty toilet. In the next stall over, Nappa was spraying antibacterial cleaner over all over the toilet he was working on. They had already cleaned the mirrors, walls, and floor, deciding to leave the toilets and their stalls for last.  
  
They had been allowed to return, unharmed, from space, only just yesterday, after Eclipse's eloquent pleas to Frieza to spare their lives. Eclipse and Journa luckily received no punishment; Frieza had grudgingly declared that it wasn't their faults that their mates were morons. Eclipse later told Nappa that Journa had to use much self-restraint to prevent herself from lashing out at the tyrant for insulting her fellow Saiyans; Journa had said that a Saiyan insulting another Saiyan was one thing, but someone outside of their race doing it was something not to be tolerated.  
  
"I know one thing," Nappa said. "Our planet will be restored, before I will EVER judge another beauty contest."  
  
Raditz grunted in agreement, as he flushed the toilet he had just scrubbed. As he sprayed antibacterial cleaner onto his toilet, he heard the clicking of boots on the freshly washed tile floors. His tail swished past the door, and out in the open, and the owner of the boots gasped.  
  
"Who's in here?" Diamonique asked. "Journa?"  
  
"Nope, it's us," Raditz called to her. "And we're cleaning in here."  
  
"Oh, I see," Diamonique softly crooned. "Have either one of you seen Vegeta?"  
  
"No, and he doesn't want to see you," Nappa blurted out. "He's still recovering from the—"  
  
"Awful Jaden/Cypress incident? Poor prince, but it does serve him right, in a way. However, I could just kill Jaden! How dare she steal my Vegeta! Ugh! Why would she even think that someone like Vegeta would want someone like her?"  
  
"He'd prefer her over someone like you," Raditz quipped. Even though he and Nappa had both thought her attractive at one time, neither one of them would touch her now because of the way she had treated Vegeta in the past.  
  
Diamonique laughed arrogantly, her laughter resembling the sound of nails on a chalkboard. Both Saiyans visibly cringed at the awful sound of her amusement. "Please, you two! Anyone knows that I'm far more desirable, and I don't have to shape-shift to become that way. Vegeta will see that someday, that I'm the one for him." She strolled over to a stall that had not been cleaned yet and gagged in disgust.  
  
"Ugh! Why haven't you two cleaned this toilet yet?"  
  
"We're getting there," Nappa grumbled. "Just go use another restroom and let us finish."  
  
"No way! Just let me use one of the cleaner stalls, and you two leave."  
  
"We're not leaving 'til we done," Raditz asserted. "The other ladies' restroom is just an elevator's ride away."  
  
"Hmmph, fine, treating me with such disrespect," Diamonique huffed. "But I am going to check my makeup before I leave." She walked over to the mirror and frowned when she saw streaks. "Who cleaned this mirror?"   
  
The mirror had been hastily cleaned, and not very well. Streaks could be seen mixed within the cloudy surface. Nappa had forgotten that one mirror when he had to use one of the stalls to relieve himself.  
  
"We'll get it," Nappa told her stiffly.  
  
Diamonique sniffed. "You two know nothing about cleaning anything. Just like at this sink—it's still filthy! And this soap scum on the tile—why do you know that…"  
  
She ranted on for several minutes while Nappa and Raditz privately wondered if she was having her time of month. They both ignored her, however, until she declared:  
  
"Even though I would never stoop so low as to do menial work like this, I could do a better job. This bathroom would sparkle, if I had my way."  
  
Raditz grinned within the stall, and a devilish idea occurred to him.  
  
"You really think you could do a better job than us, Diamonique?"  
  
"I know I could!"  
  
"Then why don't you show us how it should be done? Maybe Nappa and I could learn something from you."  
  
"Good, I will," Diamonique replied, boldly accepting his challenge.  
  
Peering out of his stall, Nappa winked sideways at Raditz, as he spoke, "Perhaps someone with high standards such as you could show us how to do a better job on the toilets." And with unusual meekness, he handed her his toilet bowl brush.  
  
Diamonique arrogantly snatched the brush from him, and then Nappa grandly stepped aside for her to walk past him and enter the stall he had been working on.   
  
"I'll show you two how this should be done," Diamonique huffed, as she knelt onto her slender knees and poked the bowl brush under the toilet rim. Scrubbing under the rim with the same elaborate care she used in brushing her hair, she started to slowly notice that the rusty streaks running along the sides would not even fade. She scoured harder, but still the stains remained.  
  
She hissed, as she scrubbed, increasingly frustrated her efforts did no good. Finally, she demanded more bowl cleaner, which Nappa cheerfully gave. And after much more scrubbing the stains did disappear.  
  
She applied the same amount of attention with the rest of the toilets, and then rewashed the walls, wiped away all dirt and streaks on the mirrors, until the restroom was blindingly sparkling. Nappa and Raditz grinned at each other, after Diamonique declared that the restroom was finally cleaned right.  
  
"Now I'll show you two some more. We're going to the men's room. Run anybody in there out."  
  
Raditz almost remarked that Diamonique had had no problems entering an occupied men's restroom before, but Nappa put his finger to his lips to warn his partner to be quiet, as he shook his head. Raditz took the hint and nodded.  
  
When they entered the men's room, they handed over all their cleaning supplies to Diamonique. Determined to show her superiority over the two Saiyans, Diamonique arrogantly sprayed down the mirrors, walls, and sinks.  
  
Proudly, she began her cleaning, and on that day, not even the regular janitors could have eliminated every germ and speck of dirt or mildew the restroom had contained.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Where in the hell is that thing?"  
  
Dodoria's suite was not normally neat, except when it came time for room inspections, and it was no neater now. The few clothes he could decently wear were draped over a couple of chairs, the bed was halfway stripped of its covers and sheets, and numerous crumpled, empty drink and food cartons smothered the floor, concealing enormous, ancient food stains on the thin carpet.  
  
Every storage space and container had been searched and the trashcans had been dumped out, but the precious girdle that Dodoria had used on the rare occasions when he actually cared about his appearance was nowhere to be found.  
  
"Curses!" he roared, clenching his fists and kicking over a cluttered chair. "How in the hell could that girdle be missing? How in the--"  
  
Two demanding, booming knocks on the metal door interrupted his tirade. "Hey, Dodi, you in there?"  
  
"No, Guido!" Dodoria yelled sarcastically. "It's my maid!"  
  
Well, that maid needs to come more often then. Open up!"  
  
Dodoria allowed Guido's remark to pass for now; he'd squash the four-eyed bug later. Right now, he had that girdle to find. Trudging grudgingly to the door, he pressed the button to allow Guido to enter.  
  
His wide jaw dropped when he saw what the grinning green creature held in his hand--Dodoria's girdle!  
  
He shoved his face down towards Guido's and hissed, "How did you get my girdle?"  
  
Guido snickered, delightedly ignoring Dodoria's deadly glare. He dangled the satiny garment tauntingly in front of his colleague's contorted face, as he said with a chuckle, "Oh, Reccoom wanted me to return this to you. He wanted to thank you for letting him borrow it."  
  
"I didn't let that oaf borrow it! He must have stolen it!" Dodoria growled. "How did he do it?"  
  
Guido shrugged, not really caring how Reccoom ended up with Dodoria's girdle.   
  
"Beats me, Dodi; all he told me was that Jaden got it for him somehow, and--EEP!"  
  
Guido was now crushed against the doorway with Dodoria's massive hand clamped around his throat. Dodoria said in a slow, deliberate voice, "Now, just how did Jaden get a hold of my girdle?"  
  
Too startled to think much, Guido could barely gulp with Dodoria holding his throat so tightly. "D-Don't know, r-really. All-all, I know is that J-Jaden g-got it for Reccoom...oh, yeah, and something about Vegeta talking her into it...that's about it!"  
  
After abruptly snatching the girdle away, Dodoria flung Guido into the hallway and angrily smashed his fingertip pressing the button to shut the door. He heard Guido mutter, "He could have at least thanked me for returning it, the ungrateful fatty!" and then storm off, but he paid little mind.  
  
"I should have known Vegeta would have pulled something this underhanded, and of course, Jaden prob'ly did it for him 'cause she's got the hots for the monkey. I'm gonna kill both of 'em! In fact, I'm gonna to go right to Jaden's room and give her a piece of my mind right now!"  
  
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"Have you got around to forgiving Nappa and Raditz yet?" Jaden asked Vegeta. Leaning against the edge of the bar, she gulped down the last of her Crystal Blue Persuasion and idly picked a few nuts out of the bowl that Tipsy had just set between her and Vegeta.   
  
"I allowed them to live, didn't I?" Vegeta retorted, accepting the fresh cup of coffee that Tipsy set before him.   
  
  
  
"I figured you were taking time to figure out a proper 'punishment', in your words, for those two."  
  
Vegeta took an unrepentant gulp of his coffee. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw little Eyelet flinch at his daring to drink a hot, bitter brew so quickly. The purple housefly was resting near his elbow, sucking on a sugar cube with her proboscis. She had offered to bring him a cube for his coffee, but he had declined, preferring his coffee always black.  
  
"I should, but I'll admit those idiots have been punished enough. Anyway, I won, and that's what's important, so I can afford to be generous. I was even nice enough to send Journa and Eclipse flowers for their brief victory."  
  
Jaden grinned, but didn't comment or snicker about Vegeta's highly unusual gesture of sending flowers to anyone. After all, he had privately sent her some as well, although neither one of them would admit it to anyone.  
  
Eyelet withdrew her proboscis from her cube. "Is it really true then, Prince Vegeta, that Commander Zarbon has to wear women's clothing? I haven't had a chance to see him yet, poor fellow."  
  
Vegeta smirked, glancing at her briefly. "Don't feel too sorry for him, Eyelet. He should have known better what he was getting into. Besides, it won't hurt for him to be humbled a little, don't you agree?"  
  
Um..." Eyelet began uncomfortably, uncertain how to answer him. She giggled nervously, desperate to change the subject now. "I hear you and Commander Jaden are going on a date today. Is that true?"  
  
"IT'S NOT A DATE! IT'S A BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT!" The force of the mighty voices of both Jaden and Vegeta nearly blew poor Eyelet off of the bar's surface.  
  
"S-Sorry," Eyelet stammered quickly, seizing her sugar cube between her legs. In less time than it took to blink, Eyelet zoomed to the top of one of the glass racks for safety, far above the heads of Jaden and Vegeta.  
  
Thankful that Eyelet had been allowed to live, Tipsy glanced furtively toward's Vegeta's direction, now remembering that the Saiyan prince and Commander Jaden had a date tonight. Even he, who usually remained neutral, had been tempted to tease or ask them about seeing each other, but he wisely kept quiet. He had seen the two bruised, bloody bodies of the two male Mid-Elite officers, who had dared to make several lecherous remarks about Jaden and Vegeta, lying on the stretchers, as they were being carried away to the regeneration tanks from the bar. Vegeta's bloodied gloves were resting limply over the bar next to their volatile owner, and no one in the restaurant had dared to comment anymore on Vegeta and Jaden as a couple. It seemed to everyone that Vegeta was as intent on defending Jaden's honor these days, as well as his own.  
  
Jaden took a deep breath, trying to restrain herself. "Eyelet, Vegeta is repaying me for a favor I did for him, that's all."  
  
"Oh...okay, sorry, no problem." Eyelet was still trembling. "But, may I ask you, Commander Jaden, why you are wearing that pretty black dress? I don't believe I've seen you in one before."  
  
"Mark it as a rare moment in history, Eyelet, because you'll never witness it again. Vegeta and I just decided to go to a different burger place, supposed to be great, but strange enough, real fancy. Cloth napkins, actual silverware and stuff like that." Jaden toyed with a piece of lace on the formal gown that Reccoom had lent her for the evening; she still remembered the ribbing he gave her when she asked. She just hoped the food would be worth the trouble that the heavy, tight dress was already causing her. At least, she had been smart enough to wear her old combat boots; she didn't understand how Eclipse, Diamonique, and Chestra could wear those fancy, but uncomfortable high heels on their days off. It was foolish of them to wear shoes that could hurt or cripple their feet after only two hours.   
  
Curses, that dress was tight! She just hoped she didn't look fat; she should have insisted that Reccoom keep Dodoria's stolen girdle for one more day. Tugging at the sides of her gown, hoping to stretch the fabric a little, she saw Nappa and Raditz stroll into the bar, leaning against each other and laughing.  
  
Vegeta snorted, crossing his arms. "You two finished cleaning the restrooms that quickly?"  
  
Nappa and Raditz just continued laughing, as they stumbled merrily to the bar near Vegeta and Jaden.  
  
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Huffing and puffing, with beads of sweat clinging to his face, Dodoria was angrily pounding on Jaden's door.  
  
"Open up, you wench; I know you're in there! Answer this door, or I'm goin' to Lord Frieza! I know you stole my girdle for your monkey lover-boy!" He bashed his fists against Jaden's door and continued ranting for another five minutes.  
  
Kiwi strolled by Dodoria's heaving form and called out casually, "You're wasting your time, Commander! Commander Jaden just left for her date with Vegeta!"  
  
"Oh, she did, did she?" Dodoria growled, clenching his fists. "Fine, then! I want to know immediately when she returns."  
  
"Sure thing, Commander," Kiwi replied indifferently. "So, what's the problem anyway?"  
  
"The wench stole my girdle, that's what! All to please her monkey prince!"  
  
Kiwi snickered, covering his mouth. "A girdle! You wear a girdle?" He chuckled and chortled.  
  
Dodoria raised his clenched fist threateningly. "Yeah, so?"  
  
Still unfazed, Kiwi wheezed, "Apparently, Commander Jaden or Vegeta is getting more use out of it than you've been!"  
  
He was lucky to have excellent reflexes, for after that remark, Dodoria started swinging at him with his fist.  
  
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After Diamonique had finished with the men's room, she turned around towards the restroom doorway, but she didn't see Nappa and Raditz.  
  
"Nappa? Raditz? Where did you two go?"  
  
Jaden strolled up to the doorway and poked her head in. His expression displayed half-contempt and half-pity for her beautiful colleague. "Oh, you're looking for those two? They've been drinking it up in the Elite Lounge And Bar for the past twenty minutes, laughing and bragging about how they stuck a dumb Top Elite broad with doing their work. After I heard Raditz tell how proud he was of sticking the 'army's main entertainment center' with finishing his and Nappa's work, I figured out what happened. Sorry, Diamonique."  
  
Diamonique's eyes widened, and her lovely jaw dropped, finally realizing exactly what those two horrible men did to her. She was so shocked that she did not even realize Jaden's strange, glamorous apparel, or remember that Jaden was spending the evening with Vegeta.  
  
In the next few minutes, Jaden almost lost her superb hearing, thanks to Diamonique's outraged, glass-shattering screams of shame and humiliation.  
  
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"Are you feeling any better these days, sire?"  
  
Frieza sighed to Ginyu, as he idly fingered the crumbs of the remains of his elaborate piece of birthday cake, "Yes, Ginyu, just about."   
  
Ginyu nodded, relieved, as he tore off a piece of his share of cake.   
  
Also standing near Frieza's desk, Reccoom and Jeice were eating cake off of napkins, with Reccoom greedily licking icing and cake crumbs off of his huge fingers while Jeice ate politely with a fork, not wanting to get cake or icing all over himself or Frieza's floor.  
  
Ginyu leaned against the edge of Frieza's desk and grinned. "Don't worry, sire! Next year, you're birthday will be much better, I'm sure of it. In fact, if you allow me and my fellow Ginyu Force members to be the judges of next year's beauty contest, we'll see that--"  
  
He stopped abruptly, when Frieza slammed his tiny, but powerful fists onto his desk. Everything either tipped over, or toppled to the floor; Ginyu barely jumped out of the way in time. "There will NEVER be another Miss Frieza Beauty Contest again, is that clear? Next year, I'm celebrating my birthday quietly and alone--where no one can find me!"  
  
Reccoom moaned, disappointed. "No more beauty contests, ever? Really?"  
  
Frieza replied with exaggerated patience, "Yes, Reccoom. You will be known as the only Mister Miss Frieza, because there will never be another one."  
  
Looking at Reccoom's downcast face, Ginyu reached up and patted his broad shoulder. "Don't be too sad, Reccoom. Remember, we're already planning on entering you in the Miss Cold Beauty Pageant two months from now."  
  
"MISS COLD BEAUTY PAGEANT?" Frieza roared.  
  
Jeice replied cheerfully, crossing his arms, "Yes, sire. Why, Head Commander Brutu just told the Cap'n yesterday. King Cold's having his own beauty contest in honor of his birthday, which is not too long after Lady Snowflake's--man, is she a babe! Hey, sire, would you object to me asking your gorgeous sister out on a date?"  
  
Smiling, Frieza said benevolently, "Not at all, Jeice, just let me know in advance how you want me to destroy you afterwards." He could have cared less whom his despised sister chose for a date, but he certainly wasn't going to allow one of his men to court her. It would mean having to see her much more than necessary.  
  
Jeice gulped and ran his scarlet hand through his snowy mane. "Umm...never mind, sire; I wasn't really that interested in her anyway."  
  
"I didn't think you were, Jeice, so that's alright." Frieza's smile remained.   
  
Ginyu continued blithely, paying no mind to Jeice's dashed hopes for a chance with Snowflake, "We're already priming Reccoom for the contest. Only, this time we're going to be in charge of Reccoom's preparations, not Vegeta."  
  
"Speaking of Vegeta, have he and Jaden tried to get it on any more since the last contest?" Reccoom wanted to know.  
  
Ginyu's eyes widened, and his eyebrows nearly shot up to his horns. "Kami, I hope not! Can't imagine those two together. I understand Jaden doesn't have many choices when it comes to men, but even she can do better than some monkey, even if he is a prince."  
  
"I don't know, though," Reccoom replied slowly. "Vegeta may have strange taste in women, but he's sure great at helping people win beauty contests. Are you sure we can't get him to help us, Cap'n?"  
  
"For the last time, Reccoom, no! 'Sides, I doubt he'd be interested, anyway."  
  
"Yeah, he's too busy gloating over his victory over Zarbon and trying to do it with Jaden," Jeice commented, snickering.  
  
"Ugh!" Frieza growled, slamming his fists on his expensive desk. "If anyone here mentions Jaden and Vegeta doing--whatever--together one more time, I will--" He was interrupted by his scouter beeping. "Yes?" he asked impatiently.  
  
"Sire, do you know when Jaden and Vegeta are due back from their date?"  
  
"No, Dodoria, and right now, I really don't care! Now, what do you want?"  
  
"Jaden stole my girdle--for Vegeta!"  
  
"WHAT?"   
  
Ginyu, Jeice, and Reccoom snickered and chortled, having heard every loud word.  
  
"I know, sire, isn't that awful? I did get it back though, but it's the point that Jaden stole it for Vegeta! I knew those two were getting it on--those two sickies!"  
  
"Dodoria! You contacted me to tell me about a girdle?"  
  
"Um...yes, sire."  
  
"You got it back, so you handle the matter, yourself! And do not mention Jaden's and Vegeta's names in the same sentence to me again, is that clear?"  
  
"But-but, sire, you're not going to do anything about it?"  
  
"I'm going to send you to hell, if you don't get off my channel now!"  
  
"Yes, my lov--I mean, my lord--goodbye!"  
  
After Dodoria cut off communication, Frieza glared at his still snickering men. "Just what is so funny?"  
  
"Um...nothin' really, sire," Ginyu spoke quickly. "May we please be excused?"  
  
"Yes, you may. Actually, I'd prefer it. Go now!"  
  
He didn't have to repeat his order twice. He did, for a moment after the three Ginyu Force members left, wonder about the loud bursts of laughter in the corridor outside his office.  
  
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Later that evening...  
  
Dodoria was still incensed about his girdle being stolen--and perhaps more so about the thought that Jaden possibly used it during a tryst with Vegeta. While Zarbon currently had possession of the girdle, Dodoria was determined to confront two errant "lovers" about taking his private property without his permission.  
  
As he stomped towards Jaden's door, after learning from Hectar that she had returned, Dodoria turned on his scouter and grinned maliciously when he picked up a high ki reading. Good, the thieving wench had returned!  
  
But his grin melted into a shocked O when his scouter caught a second ki reading, higher than that of most soldiers, but not as high as any Top Elite's. Must be Chestra visiting Jaden.   
  
No, that wasn't it. Dodoria remembered that Chestra was spending the night in Zarbon's suite to "console" him after the abuse and ridicule he had been taking lately. But who else could be in there with Jaden? Jaden rarely allowed any visitors in her suite besides Chestra, Zarbon, or certain "Elitist Potential" recruits that she was training.  
  
Well, it didn't matter. He'd find out soon enough. Furiously, he pounded on Jaden's door. "JADEN! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! OPEN UP!"  
  
A half-sleepy voice growled back irritably, "What the hell do you want, Dodo?"  
  
"You have some nerve insulting me, wench! I know you stole my girdle for your lover-boy-monkey-prince!"  
  
"You got it back, didn't you? Guido said he returned it. Reccoom needed it at the time. I was even nice enough to have it cleaned. Now go away; I'm trying to sleep!"  
  
"I'm not goin' away 'til you open the door! And who's in there with you, anyway?"  
  
"None of your business!"  
  
"I'll camp out here all night!"  
  
"Have fun! Floor's not that comfy, though."  
  
"I'll keep yellin' and poundin' 'til you let me in!"  
  
"Fine, fine, whatever," Jaden grumbled from the other side of her door. "Just come in, say your piece, and hurry up!"  
  
The sliding door opened, and Dodoria marched directly into Jaden's suite. But before he could open his mouth to yell at Jaden for taking his girdle, his jaw plummeted to his chest, and he screamed hoarsely, "NOOOO!"   
  
His obese body trembled, and sweat rained down his face, and tears formed at the corner of his eyes.  
  
For Jaden was laying in bed--cuddled up against a bare-chested Vegeta, who was glowering at Dodoria with his arms crossed and mashed into the covers. Despite her shock, her reptilian head lay pressed against her bed partner's shoulder.  
  
"How dare you interrupt us?" Vegeta hissed. "Can't lovers get some privacy around here?" In an unusually protective gesture, he hurried to check to see that Jaden (who appeared to be topless as well) was properly covered. To be on the safe side, he pulled the covers up to her chin, but her head shot up and forward, a dark missile aimed at her room's invader.  
  
"Dodo, are you satisfied now?" she growled, baring her teeth. "I was having the greatest night of my life, courtesy of Vegeta, of course, and you have to spoil it! Just because you can't get any, that doesn't mean you have to wreck it for the rest of us!"   
  
"What you two are doing--did--is di-disgusting!" Dodoria cried, still not completely out of his shock. Even though he tried to keep the anger in his voice, he was visibly shaken, in the way that sweat drops wiggled down his plump cheeks. The spikes on his head and arms trembled on top of his body fat.  
  
Vegeta's agitated form was nearly halfway out of bed. "How dare you call what we did disgusting! What we did was no different from what you and the others around here do on a regular basis!"  
  
Jaden took his arm and tried to pull him back into bed. "Now, Vegeta, calm down--"  
  
"No, I will not calm down, Jaden! Dodoria had no business bothering us in the first place! He got his precious girdle back, so that should have been the end of the matter! I am tempted to challenge him right now for insulting us both and ruining what was a fantastic night!"  
  
"Forget him, Vegeta," Jaden ordered firmly, tugging on his arm. "He can leave now, right, Dodoria?" she added pointedly, staring at him menacingly.  
  
"Gladly!" Dodoria exclaimed, now fully furious. He crossed his arms and huffed. "You both make me sick! I'm tellin' Lord Frieza first thing in the mornin'!"  
  
"Do that," Jaden dared him. "Neither one of us is on a no-copulation order, so we did nothing wrong. Now get the hell out of my room!"  
  
Dodoria would have done just that, but just after he slammed his fingertip in opening the door, he saw Diamonique with her hands on her hips. She was wearing a diaphanous robe, frothy as a strawberry shake, that barely concealed a sheer, scarlet gown. Her once blistered and rashy face was nearly healed, but no one could tell under the thick, lavender cream concealing it.   
  
"What is going on here?" she screeched.  
  
"Hello, Diamonique!" Vegeta called from Jaden's bed, almost too cheerily. "You're looking better these days!"  
  
Jaden lightly socked him in his arm. "Oh, thanks, Vegeta! I give you one of the best times you ever had with a woman, and you go complimenting your former lover minutes afterwards!"  
  
The peachy-blueness of what could be seen of Diamonique's complexion had drained away, leaving a pale, trembling woman, with lips pursed in a horrified O and ebony eyes bursting to escape from their sockets.   
  
"No, no!" she whispered tearfully, as her eyes glimmered dangerously. "Please, please tell me I'm having a bad dream!"  
  
"I wish I could, Diamonique," Dodoria replied slowly. "But this is no dream--it's a nightmare!"  
  
"J-Jaden and V-Vegeta in b-bed t-together?" Diamonique choked out. She backed away several steps from Dodoria, jerked her head backwards and screamed in a voice loud enough to flip Frieza's ship over.  
  
Dodoria, Vegeta, and Jaden covered their ears, as Vegeta cried out, "Someone, make that woman shut up!"  
  
"My ears!" Jaden moaned, as Diamonique continued to scream.  
  
"HOW COULD YOU TWO DO THIS TO ME? WHY?"  
  
"Shut up!" Dodoria yelled, unable to take any more of Diamonique's cries. With a loud smack, his palm slammed into her cheek, and she nearly toppled over. It was a powerful blow, enough to make her stop--temporarily.  
  
Unfortunately, the sudden silence would not last for long.  
  
"How can you do this to me?" Diamonique wailed, now thrusting herself past Dodoria and towards Jaden's bed. Desperately, she seized Vegeta's hand and ignored his angry attempts to yank it away. "Why, Vegeta, why? What does SHE have that I don't?" Tears shot from her eyes, as she cried openly into his struggling hand.  
  
Jerking his hand out of his former lover's desperate grasp, Vegeta hissed, "If you haven't figured that out by now, you never will. Now go away! I'm not your mate, so I don't have to explain my actions to you!"  
  
Diamonique snapped, clenching her small fists, "Tell me what attracts you to her, Vegeta!"  
  
It took him a few seconds to calm down and come up with a response guaranteed to anger Diamonique enough to leave him and Jaden alone. Mustering his best wicked smirk, he replied smoothly, "Other than the way she pleases me in bed, it's refreshing to be with a woman who never calls out any other man's name, but mine."  
  
Diamonique exploded into anguished tears. "Go to hell, both of you! Jaden, you're nothing but a traitor--you knew I wanted Vegeta! You stole him from me! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" And then she punched a sizable dent into Jaden's wall.  
  
"I can't steal from you what wasn't yours to begin with," Jaden replied in an unusually calm and jovial voice. Smiling slightly she leaned against her headboard and Vegeta's shoulder.  
  
Diamonique blew an unladylike raspberry with her lips, and after folding all her other fingers down on her hand, she stabbed her middle finger in the air towards Jaden. Her rival merely shrugged, as Diamonique, half-sobbing, half-cursing, stomped out of Jaden's suite, shoving past Dodoria and disappearing into a quickly gathering crowd around Jaden's door.   
  
By this time, everyone in the Elite sleeping quarters, roused by Diamonique's screams, was clustered around Jaden's doorway, and the lovers and Dodoria heard gasps of horror, the thumps and thuds of several soldiers fainting, and a few snickers from those not stunned enough by what they were seeing.   
  
Yet, besides the snickers, not a intelligible word was spoken, until Zarbon shoved several Elites aside to squeeze into the doorway. He sucked in his breath, his golden eyes wide, his mouth expanded to the size of a dinner plate, and he shook his head, trying to catch what remained of his breath.  
  
"J-Jaden...why?" he gasped. "Why him of all people? You could do so much, well--"  
  
"Were you about to say 'better', Zarbon?" Vegeta interrupted in a deadly, silky tone, with a note of menace in his seemingly benevolent smile. "I am still a prince, you know; how could Jaden do any better than yours truly?"  
  
Jaden shook her head at him. "Still as arrogant as ever, aren't you?"  
  
Vegeta smirked at her. "You know you like me that way. I certainly heard no complaints earlier."  
  
Zarbon clenched his fists and gnashed his teeth. "How could you do what you did to her, Vegeta?"  
  
Vegeta grinned, as he smoothly ran a palm along Jaden's thick, muscled arm. "She didn't try to stop me, you know, Zarbon. I assure you that our time together was mutually consensual."  
  
A wobbling Ginyu was leaning against Zarbon's back for support. "But-but, I didn't think that you two could even, well, you know--"  
  
"Screw, get it on, whatever, Ginyu?" Jaden prompted. "Yeah, it was definitely possible, trust me."  
  
Chestra's head popped in between the trembling bodies of Ginyu and Zarbon. Her jade-green eyes threatened to burst from their sockets, and her mouth was in a small, surprised O. A low, involuntary gasp escaped from her lips.  
  
Vegeta grinned at her. "Hello, Chestra, how are you? Relax, my dear; Jaden will be glad to tell you later all about my amazing prowess."   
  
Before Chestra could think of a response, Jaden pounded her fist into Vegeta's arm to reward him for his remark. "Prick!" she cried, half-indignantly. Vegeta merely chuckled in response.  
  
"What in the HELL is going on here?" Frieza's voice roared from behind Ginyu. Everyone stared at their ruler, mildly surprised to hear him use such language, and even more surprised to find him up at this hour. Although he was in his traveling pod, he could not see over the heads of the taller Ginyu and Zarbon.  
  
"Um...sire, you really don't want to know," Ginyu told him truthfully.  
  
"He's right, milord," Dodoria added. "Why don't you get back to bed, and I'll bring you some warm milk, fluff your pillows, tuck you in..." He stopped speaking when everyone, especially Frieza, glared at him. "I mean, well, maybe you'd prefer to rest for now, sire."  
  
"I want to know what is going on--now," Frieza ordered in a steely tone that left no room for argument.  
  
Zarbon gulped, feeling reluctantly that it was up to him to soften the blow of Jaden and Vegeta's recent liaison. With sweat drops clinging to his forehead, he said slowly, "Vegeta apparently convinced poor Jaden into having a small--very small, I assure you--tryst recently."  
  
Vegeta halfway remarked that it didn't take much convincing on his part to seduce Jaden, but Jaden cleared her throat warningly before he could finish, and he fell silent.  
  
"JADEN AND VEGETA SLEPT TOGETHER?" Frieza roared.  
  
Everyone else nodded very meekly, but Diamonique flung herself upon Frieza's pod and sobbed wildly. "Sire! It's truly horrible! Please tell me you'll punish Jaden, please!"  
  
Frieza shoved her off of his pod with one annoyed hand, and she collapsed to the floor. He turned his reddish eyes to Zarbon and said in a tone between shock and anger, "Zarbon, please tell me that this is a bad joke you Elites decided to play on me!"  
  
Zarbon, feeling as if he wanted to cry, shook his head slowly.  
  
"Tell Jaden to come out here immediately!"  
  
Before Zarbon could carry out that order, Jaden herself pushed past Dodoria and Ginyu to enter the crowded corridor. She pulled her plain black robe tighter around her massive body and looked at Frieza expectantly.  
  
Frieza crossed his arms and tried to use his best threatening glare to intimidate Jaden into quick remorse and fear, but suddenly he felt his stomach eating at itself, and his expected sharp rebuke twisted into a painful groan:  
  
"Jaaadennn...I...know you...don't have many...choices for...lovers...but even...you...can do...better...than...Vegeta." His subordinates would have laughed at Frieza's pitiful attempt to scold Jaden, but none of them were that eager to die.  
  
The normally confident Jaden wasn't sure whether to grin and brag a bit about Vegeta's performance in bed, or to show her own brand of remorse and assure Frieza grudgingly that she wouldn't have another tryst with her Saiyan lover. Before she could decide, Frieza clutched at his stomach and started his pod with his free hand.   
  
"Zarbon, Dodoria! Find me antacids immediately!"  
  
"Y-Yes, sire!" both men echoed.  
  
"And...Z-Zarbon, talk to Jaden about this matter, not that she'll listen, but do so anyway!"   
  
"Of-of course, sire!"  
  
Groaning loudly, Frieza continued to hold onto his stomach, as his pod started floating away. Zarbon ordered Dodoria to go fetch Frieza's medicine, and afterwards, he started waving at his fellow Elites with both hands.  
  
"Alright, everyone, show's over! Go to bed, all of you! Nothing more to see!"  
  
"Hell, if there isn't," one Lower-Elite catlike male hooted. "I'm stayin'!"  
  
Zarbon fired a warning ki blast at his feet.  
  
"Um...never mind, Commander, you're right, you're right! I'm goin'!"  
  
Reluctantly, the others slowly started to leave, with Diamonique still cursing and crying. Only Chestra remained hesitantly by Zarbon's side, and they were both looking at Jaden in tempered shock. The corridor was eerily silent, except for the monotonous hum of the air vents.  
  
Jaden merely shrugged her wide shoulders. "Look you two; what Vegeta and I did was no different than what you two do all the time...I'm happy, okay? Never been better. Vegeta's quite the lover, you know."  
  
"Of-of course," Chestra stammered. "But-but him of all people?"  
  
Jaden grinned and patted Chestra's shoulder. "Yeah, him. Diamonique was right about one thing--the younger, the better. Don't worry about me; I'm a grown woman and can take care of myself. Zarbon, relax, will you? You look like you're about to faint. Why don't you and Chestra go back to one of your suites?"  
  
"But-but, Jaden--" Zarbon began, but Jaden held out her hand.  
  
"Zarbon, be happy for me, will you? Yeah, I know Vegeta's young, but he's more man than you know. I'm content. You two go."  
  
Zarbon nodded weakly, suddenly longing for one of Frieza's antacids himself, as Jaden waved at him and Chestra nonchalantly. She strolled back into her suite.  
  
As the door slid closed, she leaned against the wall. Cautiously, she cocked her head towards the door and held her breath, listening for several minutes for any noise outside her room. To her relief, Chestra and Zarbon's retreating footsteps could no longer be heard.   
  
The corners of her mouth twitched involuntarily, and her usually strong hand, which had been covering it, could restrain it no longer. Stifled chortles escaped from her mouth, as she collapsed to the floor.  
  
Vegeta's eyes widened when he saw his partner fall to the floor, but he did not rush to her immediately. His concerned frown curled up into a grin, and he threw back his head, with his wiry hair brushing the wall above Jaden's headboard. Wicked, raucous chuckles burst forth from his throat.  
  
Jaden, rolling around on the floor, was laughing so hard that tears streamed down her cheeks. She pounded the floor excitedly with hammering fists and thumping tails. Between laughs, she choked out, "Hah, Vegeta, I can't believe it! I didn't think anyone would really fall for our gag!"  
  
Vegeta calmed his laughter a little. He placed his hands behind his head and smirked. Still chuckling, he said, "Why didn't you believe it? Everyone already thought we were seeing each other anyway!"  
  
Taking deep, panting breaths, Jaden grinned. Laying on one side lazily, she replied, "Yeah, Vegeta, but I don't think anyone really wanted to believe it. The looks on everyone's faces were priceless."  
  
"They had it coming to them!" Vegeta insisted. "It was clever of us to suggest to Reccoom that he have Guido return Dodoria's girdle. I knew Dodoria would force that four-eyed weakling to tell him the truth and then come after us. We just barely escaped Dodo in time this afternoon, and we were fortunate enough to return in time for him to catch us like he did."  
  
"Frieza will be gobbling the remains of his antacids, but tonight was worth it, Vegeta, I'll give you that."  
  
Vegeta stretched his arms and arose out of Jaden's bed, wearing only his pants. Jaden scratched at her chest through her robe; the dark blue bandage she had worn to convince everyone that she had been topless in front of Vegeta was itchy.  
  
As she started to arise, Vegeta strolled towards her, as he pulled on his shirt. Before she could stand up full straight, he leaned over and kissed her quickly on her cheek. She could do nothing to prevent her involuntary smile or the faint stains of scarlet on her leathery, dark cheeks.  
  
"Heh, thanks," she said quickly and gruffly. "But what was that for?"  
  
"For everything, of course," he replied simply. "Good night, Jaden. I suppose we'll have to eventually let everyone know the truth, won't we?"  
  
She tried to banish the burning warmth from her face, but she couldn't. "Ah...nah...let 'em sweat for about a week--or until Frieza runs out of antacids, whichever comes first."  
  
Vegeta chuckled, holding his waist firmly with his hands. "Now everyone will really have something to talk about. Of course, we probably should stay out of Frieza's firing range for a while. Good night. Sleep well."   
  
'Night, Vegeta."   
  
But before her door could close behind Vegeta's departing back, she heard Dodoria's anguished cries:  
  
"Sire, please, please forgive me, but Dr. Katsen said that there are...no more antacids on the ship."  
  
Frieza's furious "WHAT?" through Zarbon's scouter reverberated throughout the corridor.  
  
THE END 


End file.
